Fiancé didn't come home last night

[Jemima1985]

My finance went it last night, I dropped him at the pub and 2am he text me saying he was at his mates house and he'll be home soon! He is still not home (it's nearly 10pm) now next night and I'm worried sick. His mum said she saw him with 3 lads at 11.30am and he ran past her house so she thinks he is probably asleep at a mates house sleeping off a hangover. I can't help but worry myself sick and think the worst

Disappearing, crashing on sofas, drugs, lads, running past his mum's house, benders, missing work...ffs.

The 'wedding' money he's wasted is the least of your worries, OP. Please, please do not marry him.

Please, for your own sake, stop thinking about the money he has spent that could have gone on your wedding. He's disappeared for two days on a drug binge. He has given you no thought and is still as we speak hiding out in some druggie flat with his druggie mates. Surely you're not still thinking of marrying him?

Please dont marry him OP, seriously.

If he cared about you at all he wouldnt put you through all this stress. It is not normal or healthy. He only cares about himself. Have some respect for yourself and get rid.

Don't marry him. He is not fit for purpose.

I wonder if he's waiting until you go to work so he doesn't have to face you

Very selfish! His mum said he needs to stop acting like a teenager and like the grown man he is! I have known these drug takes on two other occasions very spaced out so its not a regular thing but still not acceptable I know! My head is so messed up from all of this! I feel if he wasnt with me it would become a more regular thing! I do love him and I dont to throw 5 years away but I know I should do exactly that. I feel so angry at this point that he will not be coming back in this house (or his mums)

You're worried he's spent money that could have gone towards the wedding ?

Sorry OP that says it all. He treats you as completely inconsequential , doesn't have the respect to answer the phone to you even and you are still thinking there will be a wedding? Why would you want to marry someone who would treat you like that ?

I don't have anything to add that everybody else hasn't already said, just wanted to say that I'm sorry you're going through this OP, some people really are complete arseholes

He's a twat who's gone on a blender - ditch him now

Grim. Been there, done that... In my teens. Im 4 years older than you and wouldnt consider any man who behaved like this at this age. Good luck op i know how it feels and i wouldnt want to go back there ever again x

Jemima: Your last post is full of hedges - not regular, not acceptable, I know (but?), I know I should (but?), at this point etc.

Kick him out and move on. You are deserving of so much more than this.

Do not marry this Tosser

I can't even imagine what his excuses are going to be! He won't be getting back in this house, I'm locking it up and taking all the cash to work with me just incase he does have a key I don't know about!

Blimey. Words fail me.
Do yourself a favour and ditch this loser before you get married and have kids.
Work on your own self esteem too. You are too resigned to his behaviour and I suspect you will forgive.. I hope not though.

I don't (want) to throw 5yrs away sadly you already have.

Do you want to throw the next 5 or even 25 yrs away?

Of course he's waiting til you go to work. He will of course be pissed off that you involved his Mum and his uncle too and try to shift blame to you.

As for his Mum saying if you throw him out she wouldn't give him sofa space ....take that with a pinch of salt he's her son after all but even if she doesn't he clearly has mates to stay with.

He doesn't want to get married.You need to stop focusing on planning this wedding. This is a very clear message to you that he is not ready to marry, is not interested in the wedding, resents you forcing him to grow up when all he wants to do is to play irresponsibly like the overgrown child that he is.

It's possible he doesn't even consciously recognize the reason he's doing this, but trust me, IT IS the reason.

I think you are steering and controlling this relationship in a direction he is not ready to go and he's too lazy or cowardly or stupid to tell you how he really feels. It's like you have become an extension of his mother and he thinks he can rely on you to always be there for him, patiently waiting in the wings, tending to his every need until he decides he's ready to grow up, move on and leave home. Which he will eventually do, when he meets the woman he wants to behave like a grown man for. I'm sorry but that patently obviously isn't you.

You need to start getting angrier OP, you sound like you'll have a row and just take him back. Aka approve his disgraceful behaviour.

If you marry him after this you'll be submitting yourself to a fucking miserable marriage.

I threw away 10. If only I had quit at 5 life would have been nice.

You haven't thrown away 5 years! You've had some fun, some company and know what to avoid next time!!

Bloody hell op what a selfish cock of a man.

You sound lovely and so deserve more than this

Thanks hesterton I had loads of partners before I married lovely DH 20+ years ago. I don't regret a moment of any of those relationships as they made me the woman and wife I am today.