Dry 15

[glad2016]

For all those sober, or would be sober, warriors. KOKO (keep on keeping on) lovely people :)

onewhite sorry to hear that you are feeling so stressed and knackered. I wonder if when we go AF we start to notice the behaviour of others around us a lot more - our eyes begin to open. Just wondering if this has always been an issue with your DH or do you think you are less tolerant of pissy behaviour now you are not drinking.

Really sorry if that is not appropriate for me to ask you but am noticing I feel less tolerant (even after 9 days) and more stressed about individuals behaviour around me - normally I could supress my emotions with a glass of poison.

Anyway hope you are ok.

Yes day 9 for me can't believe it. Feeling better today, less emotional and moody but on my guard as know it is early days. I think about my drinking such a lot now.

Yesterday I called DH from work and said I'll take you to the pub for dinner. The pub is a good drive for us as we are pretty rurual. Normally I would not have suggested driving him to a pub in the week - I would want to get home and open that bottle asap. I drove, I ordered him beer (he thought I must be going mad!!) I drank soda/lime it was ok. It was so nice because we don't do that ever. If we ever go to the pub DH drives, I guzzle wine and then get home and guzzle more. Feel it's a bit of achievement apologies if I am rambling on but have to put it down so I can revert back if I have a wobble.

Happy Friday everyone - take care x

tapas thank you and sorry to you and everyone else for going on a bit this morning. I was upset.

I think me and DH do have a pattern where he kind of 'parents' me - I was ill for a while, then I was a useless boozer - and all the looking after, he did - but he also made all the decisions (which I allowed) and anytime I felt upset with him, it was very easy to put it down to my illness, or the drink. Now I am not ill and I am not drinking. I am working really hard on myself. When he has a temper tantrum I don't react with tears and distress the way I used to - I'm much less reactive and calmer - and that means he has to work harder, and reach further back into the past, to find a reason to blame me for his mood or behaviour.

It's incredibly hard to respect him in this dynamic. I think that my changing has brought things to the surface, and exacerbated a problem that was already there. I am becoming more independent, more adult in our relationship - my emotions more on an even keel, and more able to deal with my own shit. I think that's having an effect on him.

We are booked to go to counselling so I am sure it will all come up then. IN the mean time I am trying to be patient and comfort myself and mainly leave him alone. He's great with the kids, most of the time. When they're at school or in bed, we spend our time in different rooms barely speaking.

Hi all, just checking in and on Day 5. I have been on this thread quite a few times before and never get past about day 23 for some reason. The good news is that at least I have tried to get to day 23 at least 4 times this year and have many other odd 3, 4, 10 day periods which all in all is a hell of a lot better than previous years.

A question though which is worrying me is that does anyone else pee for England when they first give up? I remember this worrying me when I gave up before the summer but this time it is really quite bad, particularly at night. I have managed to convince myself I have diabetes but I am sure it is just detoxing....I would have thought if it was diabetes it would happen when I was drinking. This summer (whilst drinking) I have woken up at 2, 3, 4 in the morning due to the heat and have not needed the loo urgently so am pretty sure the symptoms would be the same whether I was drinking or not if it was something more serious?

Hey Loubilou I'm on day 5 and notice it too - but I am drinking a lot more fluids like water and herbal teas plus we must have been running around in a state of almost permanent dehydration before. Body resetting itself and not used to not having dehyrating alcohol poured in it? I'm almost sure it's nothing to worry about

I hope things pick up for you and your dh one, sounds like he is having trouble adjusting from the previous role he had in your relationship to where you are now

Have had more than flitting thoughts about wine today First Friday (again) and the weather is totally miserable here. Going to take the dc to an indoor place later and bring my book, should kill an hour or so.

I peed a lot too. I think it was because I was drinking three or four pints work of herbal tea every night - did me no harm and my skin looked bloody amazing (especially in comparison to grey, puffy hang-over face...!)

I think you are right tattoos it's an adjustment problem. I wonder if it's been pretty nice for him to have an utter failure and waste of space as a wife, because it means anything at all that goes wrong, or is uncomfortable for him, isn't his fault.

I remember when I met him (our mid twenties) he was still blaming his parents for some practical difficulties in his own life. They aren't toxic people, and he is a hard worker but very very very reluctant to take responsibility for his own mistakes.

I don't want to be his scapegoat anymore.

I am really really really fucking angry with him. But I am not drinking, and I am about to do very strenuous yoga before the kids get back, so I am going to count today as a WIN.

strenuous yoga, and not drinking is a win. You are amazing one.

Had a fabulous day at work today - I really really love my job.

Parents are here for the weekend, so unlikly to get online... tc all and KOKO

Oh onewhite pillow judging by your posts on here, you are absolutely not an utter failure and a waste of space. It does make you think about the co dependent sides to our relationships. Does he attend alanon and if not would he concider going. I used to attend it for someone and it talks a lot in the same 12 step way about acknowledging your own weaknesses and downfalls not the alcoholic's. He might have some learning to do in that department.

Me too tattoos I took dd to a child friendly restaurant for lunch as a treat for the two of us and felt powerless to the wine. Was convinced I was going to order a large glass and genuinely surprised myself by ordering sparkling water instead. Mini Friday victory!

Have a lovely weekend everyone.

Hi strong I doubt he'd go. He's very very against that sort of thing - it was a big concession (!) for him to agree to marriage counselling with me - I hope when we get that started it will help.

And no, I am not useless and an utter failure. I used to be, but I am making good changes and I think it's throwing him.

It will take time. He can either come with me, or stay where he is.

Well done for everyone battling through friday. We are doing this!!

buddha how are you? You've been on my mind. x

Sorry one but if you posted about your "D" P on a new thread in Relationships, I think there would be a chorus of "sounds abusive/coercive" tbh :( Not what you want to hear I guess :( Hugs. xxx

And one you did NOT "used to be" a failure, not then, and not now .

I here you one. Dp has resisted every attempt at any kind of therapy for either of us. I imagine it's a masculine thing....

I think they probably would, Glad but then again, if he'd have posted on here three months ago he'd have been told to leave me - no questions asked. He hasn't - and it isn't a healthy relationship right now for either of us. I want to give it a fair and proper chance because I love him and he deserves that. But I am not willing to let the status quo last indefinitely. I have high hopes for the counselling.

strong I think perhaps a masculine thing, yes. I believe DH thinks we're going to counselling to sort me out, as the problem. Yes, there are problems with my behaviour and drinking and the amount I help around the house and I am addressing those things daily. There will be other problems he has that I am not aware of. But there's also a dynamic issue, and if he thinks counselling will be another opportunity for him to tell me what's wrong with me, and how his life would be great if I would only do z y and z he's got another thing coming.

I've kept myself to myself today. He asked me what was wrong. I said, 'I'm really really angry with you. I don't want to talk about it today because I am angry. But if you want to speak about it tomorrow, let me know.' He's been keeping his distance since then, which is fair enough. I will listen to him tomorrow but if it is more of the same, with no self awareness of apology from him, I will end the conversation. I think I have to look at my boundaries.

one , ,

Want to say thanks so much for your post strong. I was really struggling earlier and had to go to the supermarket. I actually had it all planned in my head - I would be buying booze to replace the ones I drank last weekend off my parents but knew it was an excuse. Quickly checked in on the way round walking, saw your post and thought if you can do it, I can in solidarity so thank you Not out of the woods yet. >< close tbh as I know where I can get some a matter of meters away and dd has been having temper meltdowns all afternoon but for this minute, I'm ok

Went back to work today after 3 days 'off sick' drinking/recovering and have a massive back log - this just cannot happen again.
Ordinarily I'd be trying to decide how long to take off drinking to give my body a rest which is just a waste of energy.

That's exactly it Tattoo re getting off the train before things get worse. I've had thoughts that I was overreacting calling aa the other day but bottom line is every time I start drinking it gets harder to stop. Do you have any nice AF drinks in? I'm sipping a raspberry lemonade drink and it is lovely. Moving on to the herbal tea in a minute (I've accumulated a collection to rival my local supermarket)

Didn't manage to nap in the end Onewhitepillow, spent a relaxing few hours listening to the bubble hour podcasts in the garden though. An epsom salts bath and the peppermint tea really helped. It sounds like you are having such a tough time at the moment and are coping amazingly well and positive that you have the counselling coming up. Very impressed with the strenuous yoga, I tried to do some a few weeks ago and realised how inflexible I am.

5 months is brilliant Journey nearly half way to a year!

Me too newleaf, favourites have to be peppermint tea and adore the Twinnings gingerbread green tea , really dislike the salted caramel one though. I've thought that sometimes about AA, it's not like I'm drinking 24/7. There was a speaker there a while ago pretty much the same as me 'functioning' and said he felt that separation between him and what he regarded as alcoholics but now realises the only thing that that was different was time. I've seen it myself, my lovely relative only 12 years older who started binge drinking to cope with certain things, then regular drinking to lying dying on a liver ward. I'm actually not a huge AA person though, I don't particularly agree with some of their stuff so I only go the odd time. I can't deny it does work for a lot of people and it's nice to have AF people around you.

What do you do Finnish? (If you feel you can say) My job is no good for me. I was DESPERATE for a drink tonight. I ought to quit but what would I do?
One...sorry things are tough. You are so perceptive and wise. He may find your strengths in this area quite threatening? Not that that is an excuse. Hope things improve tomorrow.

Ooh I've not tried the green tea with gingerbread tattoo, sounds lovely. I tend to have peppermint or pukka cleanse in the morning and then love chamomile with honey or clipper snore and peace in the evening.
I'm sorry about your relative it's just so sad what a grip alcohol can have.
Some of the ladies on Bubble hour made me think I'm nowhere near there but others I didn't think were as bad as me. I guess at the end of the day too much can cause long term damage even if you are functioning.
I think even if my drinking didn't get worse it is out of control when I do drink and I've always been a pretty heavy drinker. I was thinking back yesterday and there are so many incidents I feel mortified by during my 20's.
We are desperate to start a family and I spend some months being good then others think stuff it, when it does happen I won't be able to drink for 9 months so should make the most of it now!? sounds crazy writing it down. Most binges have been at PMT time so really need to watch that next month and find other ways to cope.

I'm also intrigued Finnish I spent part of this pm googling jobs I'm so fed up of mine (I am officially the worst employee ever)

Public sector finance! Not what most people would love, but it really suits me

Ooh gingerbread tea- must look out for that!
tatoos I can relate to supermarket decision making. Popped into shop with children after school run to buy them a biscuit each and for a second pondered buying wine (a lot of other mums were!) went for diet lemonade which I had with ice and a slice while cooking tea. Had the radio on, in a good Friday mood so honestly felt I wasn't missing out. Good decision.
Sleep is all over the place. Went to bed at I'll and slept through until 4 but now wise awake. Need to bargain with DH for a nap tomorrow by taking DD swiming- without it's a win for me as I get to swim too!
Rainy weekend here, looks like... Hope you all have better weather.

Went to bed at 8pm not I'll. Where's the logic??

Morning all. KOKO everyone.

Morning everyone!

I double promise I'll crack on with life after life this weekend. I got slightly waylaid by reading 'Rachel's holiday' on someone's recommendation. It's a bit addictive (no pun intended ).

tattoos I'm so glad if my post made a difference. Those powerless to drink feelings are terrifying because I almost resign myself to thinking 'well there's nothing I can do about this so let's get on with the drinking '! I almost did that yesterday and was genuinely surprised when 'sparkling water please ' came out of my mouth.
I'm another that's going to be on the gingerbread tea too.

onewhitepillow I hope your weekend isn't too tense. It's good you're not dismissing your own angry feelings. After feeling in the wrong for so long isn't it easy to fall into the role of 'the guilty/wrong one'? Remember you're not though and your anger is justified.

gotta I'm the sort of person that can sleep standing up so don't have any advice. I hope you get that nap though.

Morning slim

New leaf I think that's a really good insight. We spend so much of our lives at work and I think often aren't articulate enough about the need for it to give us some fulfilment.

morning all. struggling a bit this morning. still trying to comprehend bits and pieces, couldn't sleep this morning so tidied the house - at least it feels a bit more normal here now.