Confused about breakup want him back :(

[Gracey1231]

First post lol!

6 weeks ago my boyfriend of 11 months and I had a huuuuge argument, where I said something nasty just to hurt him, I have done this before and said I'd stop but as usual it flew out. Anyway, we didn't speak for a week to cool down and he eventually text me like I don't want to end it I love you blah blah blah, on numerous occasions we arranged to see eachother again and he said to me he just wants his own space at the minute, he is scared his feelings have changed towards me, he doesn't feel the same as he did, he feels bad about us because after the arguments and this massive bad one has taken his toll on him.

He left me on Friday (26/08/16) officially and said he had to let me go because he isn't ready to see me yet and can't keep me waiting any longer as it's cruel. Me being a total girl was pleading etc and I said how can I get you back and he said it's too late, I asked him after that if it's forever that we aren't together and he said "I don't know" and that he doesn't want me to just disappear and still wants to talk. I spoke to his mum about us splitting up and she said to me that he said he needs to see if his bad feelings change and doesn't want me hanging on to a maybe, and that he hopes we can stay friends and talk still but is unsure whether he is ready to be with me right now but still has feelings for me.

I messaged him the night he left like "do you still love me" and he read it but didn't reply, I changed my whatsapp photo as it was us two and as soon as I did he messaged me saying "I'll keep our picture just I don't think being together isn't a good idea at the moment" but he doesn't want to be with another girl.

He asked for space and I pushed him like begging to see him etc instead of playing it cool and taking it slowly. Apparently he still has feelings for me. He still has me and him as his whatsapp photo and has been online since just not messaged me.

I love him to pieces and I'm changing my ways, I took him for granted and I really want him back haha :(

Gonna try not to contact him and let him message me first because me "spamming" him with texts caused us to bicker abit in the relationship anyway.

What are my chances of getting him back? And will no contact work maybe make him think of the good instead of the bad, (he still has feelings for me) whilst I sort myself out and become less needy and strong.

I'm gonna not text him until he texts me but I'll send him a birthday card next week, just a simple one.

Help me :( Is it too late?

My relationship wasn't emotionally. I said the nasty things around 3 times in 11 months. I've read the signs of emotionally abusing someone and I know they don't apply to me. I posted this when I was upset and desperate due to emotions. Probably not a good idea

Why did you send him a message today when he has asked you to leave him alone?

Exactly LastRose. She still cannot respect his wishes and his request for space.

She just cannot stop it.

Exactly, arguments that result in cruel things being said and slapping, which are over nothing are the very definition of an unhealthy relationship!

Most people don't have to get counselling because of the way they conduct themselves in a relationship. And if they do, they acknowledge that it is because it isn't healthy.

You think you were happy. He is telling you he wasn't because he has ended it.

He didn't ask me to leave him alone? He told me on Friday when we broke up he wanted to still talk.

He asked me to leave him alone until he calmed down the day it happened.

Ok.

Your relationship sounds the epitome of great, and sound and healthy and loving and perfect.

it is just a matter of time before he comes around and you live in eternal bliss. All you need to do is keep harassing him.

Happy now? Told what you want to hear?

I'm out.

I offered to leave him alone for good and he told me he didn't want me to

Well put it like this, I would not be in a relationship like you describe. I would not consider it to be happy. I would consider it to be abusive. And I would end it.

But that's you being emotionally manipulative. That's the passive aggression. Just stop texting him and stop asking him. Just leave him alone. As he has asked.

Yes, and as you are not listening and haven't said what advice you were hoping to hear, I am also out.

I originally wanted counselling for health anxiety caused by my dad dying suddenly of a pulmonary haemorrhage. I was plagued with anxiety which made me feel like I wasn't good enough and he would leave me. I wasn't like that all the time. We were really happy, he used to tell me all the time that I was the one. I'm his first love and he is mine. We weren't perfect but it wasn't unstable or abusive. I've been abused my men, I wouldn't do it to someone or stay in an abusive relationship.

He hasn't asked me to leave him alone! He wants us to be friends, and asking someone if it is too difficult for them to talk after what's happened is manipulative? What the fuck! I asked him today if he was comfortable with talking and he said why wouldn't he be

Well in that case, you don't need to ask for any advice on here because you've got it all in hand and under control and it's all fine.

Ok then.

Well that's good.

(I am out now)

I don't see how sarcasm is necessary when speaking to adults like it's just childish really, don't judge people before you know them. I'm unhappy that there's more detail in these posts than I wanted to give in regards to my personal life and what's going on etc. I'd much rather you have messaged me privately instead. Id have done it myself but I don't know how I've never been on here before.

OP, I didn't type that in a sarcastic tone.

This is what I mean about you not reading things the way people intend them.

I typed it in a tone of resignation, but not sarcasm.

I wouldn't PM someone about the content of their thread. That's what the board is for.

But you chose to put that detail in. No one made you.

Maybe a thread isn't the right thing for you at the moment. I really do hope you continue with your counselling.

And I haven't judged you. I've responded to what you've said. And I've interpreted what you've described quite clearly.

I am aware no one made me, but being put into a situation such as that where people are judging you for something they have limited knowledge over isn't very nice. I'm guessing I'm a lot younger than you are. Regardless, your wording could've been better, I find you somewhat arrogant and very very rude. If I wasn't so shit at this website Id delete this post, just purely so I don't have to receive more comments off people who know the ins and outs of a cats arse, but not individual circumstance. :)

Gracey

I'm not going to be rude or mean to you, but you need to understand yourself and sort yourself out before you get into another relationship.

You say you won't say the nasty things to him again? So why didn't you have this view after the first and second time you said the nasty things? Is it because he's broken up with you this time?

I know people say things in the heat of the moment when upset, but sometimes those words never leave the person you said them to. When you dig deep to say something so hurtful it causes an awful lot of damage.

I don't know why people think it's a good idea to do this. One such hurtful thing I come across is women telling their BF or Ex in an argument is that he isn't the father of their child.

Then when he asks for a paternity test they get angry and feel insulted. Words are like eggs. Once spoken they can't be taken back, just like an egg can't be restored to its original state once cracked.

If you got back with him and had another argument, how will you deal with it? What will you do instead of saying nasty things to him? You need to work on your coping mechanisms in all relationships.

He asked for space and now you say he still wants you to contact him ... well which is it?

I suggest you leave him alone (regardless of what he's said), focus on your therapy and become a safe person to be in a relationship, otherwise nobody will want to deal with the stress of it.

I don't know your age you need to leave his mum out of this. You sound very young from the importance you place on the whatsapp profile pictures.

Hi, let me tell you what I have learned form past experiences that might be beneficial to you. Guys mean what they say. If he says something, he means it. You're not helping yourself by messaging him when he has asked for space. Your not giving him an opportunity to miss you. Your not giving him anything to miss. He will just see you as a nag. Men are born hunters, if they want you, they will do whatever it takes to get you. Don't message him over the next few days & see if you hear from him. Let him wonder. If he gives a shit then he will contact you, if he doesn't give a shit then he won't. I'm sorry but I can't put it any plainer than that. Hope this helps. You will find plenty of guys that are worth your time, don't waste your time on one that doesn't want your time. You need to turn this around. You can only do that by not contacting him.

I'm not judging you btw. I've been thru similar experiences in the past. I lost someone because I was constantly texting him after a break up, had I not text him then maybe he would of come back to me (if he wanted to) There is an old saying which i swear is true in a break up. "If you love someone let them go, if they don't come back to you they was never yours to begin with in the first place"
Give him space, he will know what he wants. Hope you listen, I didn't when someone told me, but I wish I did.

Gracey You might prefer the way other people are expressing things. I'm neither arrogant or rude, but I am a fully fledged adult and so I speak like one.

But you must be able to see that everyone else is saying the same thing.

Get yourself sorted and take care.

You have previously been in a physically abusive relationship.
Now you are pleading to get back with someone who hit you.

Please please please....

STOP. Does your counsellor know he hit you?

Please, for love of god, do not even remain friends with this man

I'm not taking back my comments that you were out of order for being verbally abusive. But there is never a 'reason' fit someone to hit you. Already, after your previous sexually and physically abusive relationship, you are justifying his violence and blaming yourself.

You should be cutting all ties with this violent thug.

Him keeping his whatsapp pic as the two of you means nothing you need to stop clinging on as if that means anything and just accept its not going to work.

Your counselling won't work over night it's going to take some time and I doubt he will wait around.

Leave the lad alone

Please tell your counsellor he slapped you, and do some work on your sense of self.

Christ there is a pack mentality on this thread. A woman who has been abused in her last relationship is being ripped to shreds because she said some unkind things in a middle of a row and got hit for it.

And she's being called emotionally abusive. For fucks sake.

Yeah, it's a bit more than that *Abyssinian".

She's hounding him and it happened more than once and he's asked her to leave him alone.

All of those things would be being called a 'red flag' if a man were doing it.

I actually think all the "I'm waiting to see if my negative thoughts go" cheap from him is very worrying...

He hit her.

Now he's letting her plead to have him back, saying that maybe, and yes to being friends, and keeping his whatsapp photo of them both.

He is a nasty shit who is lining himself up to get away with hitting her again. And again. I'd put money on it.

Yes, she was abusive too. Even first perhaps.

But Gracey, please see that you have jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire. It is not uncommon for women to have a series of abusive partners - because they have learned it's OK to be hit. Because it was their own fault really. Or they can't get any better. Or they think all men hit.

Even your rows over silly things... No, it isn't every body's normal. Even in my relationships that haven't worked long term, none have had petty rows as a feature.

He hit you, he's enjoying your desperation, and he'll hit you again.