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Original poster

Would this statement irritate you too?

165 replies

Wheretheresteqthereshope · 26/08/2016 07:57

"Men fancy 20-24 year olds"

This is what my new partner of mere months said to me. I'm 34, the same age as him.

OP posts:
HappyJanuary · 26/08/2016 12:21

Blimey I've read it and reread it and can't see what he's done wrong.

His friend was accused of being creepy for messaging women in their early 20s. He conceded that it was 'a bit creepy' but went on to defend his friend by saying that many men find women of that age attractive.

Of course men find that age attractive, it's hardly revelatory and supported by statistics already posted. Surely no one can be surprised by this? DD is about that age and attracts attention wherever she goes from men of all ages. The manner of their approach is how she judges creepiness, not their age.

I have friends in good relationships with similar age gaps, just awful to say it's inappropriate or creepy.

He then said he himself wouldn't be interested in a relationship with someone that young, so all good surely?

sleepachu · 26/08/2016 12:34

"It doesn't sound as if he has thought for a second that a 20-24 year old would have an opinion on whether he and his friend might find them attractive or not, in looks and personality. More that it's a one-way interaction where the woman is an unfeeling object.
I hope his comment is an indicator of fantasy rather than entitlement."

really? really?

and why WOULDN'T a 20-24 year old consider someone in their 30s attractive?

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 26/08/2016 12:35

He said it in the course of a conversation about his mate messaging younger women. It was something he read somewhere. It was an observation of something he once read somewhere which was applicable to a conversation he was currently having. It wasn't a bloody confession

Agree meta people are reading waaaay too much into his comment.

I agree with a lot of the comments people are making but I think it's a stretch too far to call ops partner a mean twat simply for what he said in this conversation.

HuskyLover1 · 26/08/2016 12:53

Bit of an over reaction, I think.

He is dating YOU. So, he obviously finds you attractive.

Surely who men fancy, is more down to looks anyway? I'm sure most men would choose Kylie Minogue or Jennifer Lopez over a 20-24 year old, because, despite being in their late 40's, they are still hot.

My aunt, who sadly died at age 72, could have passed for a woman in her 40's. She just hardly aged, no wrinkles at all. She would come clubbing with me in her 60's and she got hit on by young men all the time.

Disagree totally with pp who said that at 25, she knows she looks better than she will at 35. That's rubbish, it all depends on how you age. I am 46 and I think that I look better now, than I did at 26 (still looked like a school kid at 26!).

If I was single, I'd not want to date a guy in his 20's, because I don't think we'd have much in common and I just can't fancy blokes that young. I can't imagine dating anyone over 55, but hey Richard Gere is 66 and I'd date him!

My DH came out with some corkers when we met, because he just wasn't thinking. The 2 that I remember most are:

"I like oriental women" (I am blonde with blue eyes!)

"I've got an invite to a wedding but there's no plus one...probably cos my mate knows that I never stick with relationships for very long"

I really did think about ending the relationship at the 2nd comment!! Anyway, here we are all these years later and we still laugh about those comments.

Don't over-think it. Just keep your eyes peeled for anything else.

MmmCuriouSir · 26/08/2016 13:20

It's not even true (I'm a man). He's speaking for himself in which case he's a dick.

metaphoricus · 26/08/2016 13:34

It's not even true (I'm a man). He's speaking for himself in which case he's a dick

He wasn't speaking for himself, he was repeating what he had read in some research in a newspaper during a conversation where it was appropriate to make a remark regarding it. He even implied that he would not, himself, welcome a relationship with a younger woman.
I'm a woman. If that matters.

BolshierAryaStark · 26/08/2016 13:36

Can't stand sweeping generalising statements such as this Hmm
I'm sure some men fancy women in that age bracket, not all men will though.

Thegiantofillinois · 26/08/2016 13:45

It wasn't nice to say to you, but it was kind of true in my case. I was 24 when I met dh and fancied him like mad (think Aiden Gillen in Queer as Folk). Neither of us knew old the other was (nightclub), but I was genuinely shocked to find he was 34. He's of those people who still looks younger than he is.

Our relationship flourished because we had same interests/outlook, but it was looks that dud it initially. Whether it because I looked young or because I had a short skirt on st the time, I don't know, but I've never felt there was anything weird about it.

Together over a decade.

Kanewreck · 26/08/2016 14:00

I don't get what he has done wrong. Massive over reaction. A 10 year age gap is not creepy when adults are involved.

SandyY2K · 26/08/2016 14:02

A 34 year old man can get a 20 - 24 year old easily. I wouldn't want a 20 year DD of mine with a 34 year old, but I know that men that age like younger ladies.

The reason I was given by a man in his early 40s who dates younger women, is that they find them fun, they don't come with baggage (kids/ex husband), they aren't pushing for a commitment, where an older woman would by and large want something more serious.

Your DP isn't a twat or any other insulting words PP have described him as for saying that and to dump him over that as some have said is unecessary to put it mildly.

pasic · 26/08/2016 14:19

Lots of threads on here where women discuss which stars they fancy, often much younger than them. Which OAP would you shag? was another one I recall recently.

In spite of there being plenty of males on here, not one complaint. I believe that men in general are perfectly able to tell the difference between fancying and loving. Some men may be slightly tactless, and that's all this one appears to be guilty of.

DoinItFine · 26/08/2016 14:30

He thinks he has superior access to tbe truth because he has a pair of bollocks.

He is a fucking knobhead loser and the OP is far too good for him.

MmmCuriouSir · 26/08/2016 15:35

It matters in this context.

SandyY2K · 26/08/2016 16:51

He thinks he has superior access to tbe truth because he has a pair of bollocks.

He is a fucking knobhead loser and the OP is far too good for him.

Both totally uncalled for and unecessary comments. Being called a knobhead and a loser for saying men find 20-24 year olds attractive!

He was speaking in general terms and of course not every single man is going to fall into that category.

It's like when people say women her attached to men they have sex with. Maybe many do, but some have no issue hoping from man to man with no emotional connection.

UmbongoUnchained · 26/08/2016 20:07

There's only 1 knobhead loser on this thread...

Botanicbaby · 26/08/2016 22:11

He sounds a bit thick to come out with that remark as well as immature.

For that reason alone, I wouldn't find him remotely attractive. If you find him irritating only a few months in it doesn't bode well for the future anyway does it?

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected · 26/08/2016 22:48

He wasn't thinking and he was extremely tactless.
I would be very upset and I would educate him accordingly.
I would not get emotional about it (certainly not in front of him), and I would gauge is reaction very carefully.

TheNaze73 · 26/08/2016 23:14

Educate him how exactly? To lie or be more diplomatic?

0hCrepe · 27/08/2016 09:52

Generally 20-24 yo women are very attractive and very fanciable in a sexual sense. My cousin is in that age category and stunning (doesn't she know it based on the selfies!!)
Of course men are going to fancy them. I don't fancy them but I can appreciate their beauty.
It doesn't mean all men are actively going to pursue them though or enjoy their company; they can just fancy them in a physical sense.

You prompted the discussion questioning your friend's motives, 10 years older isn't a lot, why shouldn't he? Did you really expect your dp to go oh yes 20-24yo eww!

Proudmummytodc2 · 27/08/2016 23:03

BeingA sorry just replying I forgot i commented it's been 9 years together now.

arsenaltilidie · 27/08/2016 23:16

OP you should have said yes a bigger cock is always better..

He's an insensitive prick so bin!

whattodowiththepoo · 28/08/2016 06:04

DoinItFine you are so full of shit you could over flow an Olympic swimming pool.

DadWasHere · 28/08/2016 07:30

I really wish older heterosexual women were not so god awful hung up about relationships with younger partners. Seems to me when women write 'I will date men my own age' they almost invariably dont mean plus or minus six years, they mean that for every year younger they add 3 years older on the other side of the range.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 28/08/2016 07:39

Proudmummy, so you were 16 and he was 26?

While I find nothing wrong with your age gap now, there is something slightly creepy about it starting when you were only 16. I'm sorry. That makes me quite judgey but it's just how I feel about it. 16 is still technically a child.

Proudmummytodc2 · 28/08/2016 09:55

You are entitled to your opinion I've heard it all before water off a ducks back to me now but I wasn't a 'child' I was living on my own I was working and at college doing a law degree I have always been older for my age.

But I respect your opinion it's your to have.