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Original poster

What a prick! Pissed offwith me because I've got my period.

909 replies

FindingSmeagol · 21/08/2016 15:12

I've been away from Dp for a week with dd 2. It was only meant to be a couple of nights but she ended up in hospital for one night with an infection (absolutely fine now) so I went from there to my family as I knew he'd be working and I wanted some support. First morning home and he notices San pro in the bathroom and says 'oh ffs your kidding?!' Um no these things happen monthly and no I've no control over it Hmm. I said 'you are Joking right? He's not. He feels cheated out of another few days of sex because he knows I'm not up for it in the first few days. Not really an AIBU. Just a 'what a cockwoble' klaxon type rant. Agh and breathe.

OP posts:
Original poster
FindingSmeagol · 21/08/2016 20:16

I'd love to but the endless hurt feelings and 'oh ffs I'm only joking' would never stop. Just not worth the worry and hassle.

OP posts:
PickAChew · 21/08/2016 20:17

Pouting about not getting his end away is pretty damned unsexy. He's no better than the zoo monkeys in another thread.

He needs to get better acquainted with his right hand.

Lweji · 21/08/2016 20:19

I got rid of my sex pest.
At some point he resorted to violence, essentially because he wasn't getting what he wanted. And he wasn't getting it because he was a sex pest.
Life is so much better.
Think about it.

PinkyofPie · 21/08/2016 20:19

OP the possessiveness is a massive red flag. He's dressing up controlling behaviour as being loving and caring

MiscellaneousAssortment · 21/08/2016 20:20

Can you talk to him about this way of putting his desires above you and your dd's fundamental needs?

Can you draw some lines in the sand? Some boundaries and some behaviors that have no place in a relationship? These behaviors are of course much more appropriate within a one night stand, and when paying for sex.

Of course a sex worker doesn't need to find her customers in the slightest bit attractive, as it's a business arrangement.

Ok, maybe that's a little more confrontational than a discussion which ends with happiness & smiles all round!

Maybe ask him what he thinks is the reciprocal arrangement in your relationship? When he asks you to service him, what are you getting out of it? When he prioritises sex for him over anything mutual or anything that is supportive of your reality... What does he think is in it for you? Not that it's all about a 1 for 1 type of payment, but there's got to be something in it for the other person, equally so, otherwise you're just his servant!

Good luck Flowers

Original poster
FindingSmeagol · 21/08/2016 20:22

He does mastabate occasionally but will not use porn so I don't think it's that enjoyable for him. He tells me he saves it all up for me Envy sick. Face

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 21/08/2016 20:34

'I'd love to but the endless hurt feelings and 'oh ffs I'm only joking' would never stop. Just not worth the worry and hassle.'

You're right, it isn't. I'd get rid and live life free of this type of shite. It's unacceptable, it's abusive and people like this never change. Other people to them are just there for their benefit - money, sex, housework, childcare, etc.

PinkSquash · 21/08/2016 20:38

My husband was the same as yours OP, the divorce papers were served on Friday and 4 months down the line I realise how much shit I was dealing with.

Coercion is not okay.

Lweji · 21/08/2016 20:41

The problem is that coercion to have sex is not about sex, it's about power and control.
You will see it in other aspects of your life together.
This is all about him, despite what he says. He prefers you to porn because you are a real person he can dominate.

PepsiPenguins · 21/08/2016 20:49

finding if a friend, a sister, anyone on here said this

He tells me he saves it all up for me Envy sick. Face

What would you say...

You need to get away from this cunt, and I'm sorry to be blunt and use that word actually really hate it but you deserve so much better Flowers

goddessoftheharvest · 21/08/2016 20:49

He sounds absolutely gross, sorry. Whining for a blow job like a spoilt five year old. Ugh. How can you bear to shag him the rest of the month nevernind when you have your period.

QueenoftheAndals · 21/08/2016 20:58

Seriously OP, get rid of him. Why are you still with someone who treats you like a piece of meat?

Original poster
FindingSmeagol · 21/08/2016 21:00

miscellaneous I've thought about your post and I think the trouble with that is he would instantly change and say something along the lines of 'oh my love, I was only joking, you've taken it way too seriously. What's really the matter?' and I'd end up feeling like an over dramatic idiot and he'd be lovely to me for the rest of the night.

OP posts:
VoldysGoneMouldy · 21/08/2016 21:04

But that technique, OP, the turning it round on you, it's part of the control, and the abusers handbook. It really is. You're not an over dramatic idiot. He's a vile human being. You really don';t need this, ever, but especially when your daughter has been so ill.

PepsiPenguins · 21/08/2016 21:06

Finding the fact you know he will say that, shows that he is controlling you, the lovely behaviour after is what these nasty vile men do.

You are NOT an idiot, this isn't how loving couple live - it really isn't.

He might even think he "loves" you, he really doesn't.

Lweji · 21/08/2016 21:06

It looks like you are past the point of conversation about it.

If you have asked him and have talked about it, and he puts the blame on you for misinterpreting his "jokes", rather than apologise and stop it, then there isn't much left, is there?

You can choose to continue to put up with this, or put a stop to it by walking out.

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/08/2016 21:08

It's his way of testing your boundaries extending them and staying just within them. Not learning them and respecting them, which is the right way.

Original poster
FindingSmeagol · 21/08/2016 21:09

It's really not the first time I've wondered if our relationship could have a power imbalance . I'm not blind to it but I am reluctant to look at it head on IYSWIM.

OP posts:
Original poster
FindingSmeagol · 21/08/2016 21:13

He has slowly and subtlety pushed my boundaries over the years. Nothingg major but I look back and think, would that fun loving 21 year old feminist put up with being spoken to like this.

OP posts:
Snowwhiteandrosered · 21/08/2016 21:13

He would like me to see friends and family but would want to be there too.

I had an ex bf like this. I couldn't even spend any time with my best friend at the time without him accompanying us.

Your partner is a controlling cock and you really don't need this especially after your dd has been poorly. I hope she's recovering ok. Flowers and Chocolate You deserve so much better OP.

Original poster
FindingSmeagol · 21/08/2016 21:16

She is thank you. Amazing how they bounce back. It's just me that's frazzled from it all now.

OP posts:
dowhatnow · 21/08/2016 21:19

Your eyes have been opened now and you'll notice even more things now.

Be brave.

venusinscorpio · 21/08/2016 21:23

he would instantly change and say something along the lines of 'oh my love, I was only joking, you've taken it way too seriously. What's really the matter? and I'd end up feeling like an over dramatic idiot and he'd be lovely to me for the rest of the night.'

That's classic gaslighting OP.

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/power-in-relationships/200905/are-you-being-gaslighted

DoinItFine · 21/08/2016 21:36

why don't you get down on you're knees for your dessert.

He is a vile, disgusting pig and he has no respect for you.

That's how he speaks to the mother of his child? Shock

That is so horrible.

Sexual harassment in your own home.

ohtheholidays · 21/08/2016 21:43

My first marriage was like your relationship OP,I was with him from when I was 16,I managed to get away when I was 25 and had two young children.

I won't come back to this thread after I've wrote this because what you've described is what I went through and I can't read anymore it's just to hard,sorry.

Please leave this relationship,it's abusive and it's one of the worst kinds of abusive,my ex husband was the same,I didn't get a break from it all when I was on a period.If he wanted sex,a blow job what ever he got it because it was his right as my Husband.

It took me years to realize that I'd been being raped and sexually abused by my then husband nearly every day that we'd been together.

He was the same as your partner as well,I could see other people and go out but only if he was there.

It took me along time to start to recover from what he put me through but I have healed alot,I got married to a man that is a million miles away from what my ex was like and we now have 5DC.

I had sons and I didn't want them growing up thinking what they're Dad was like was normal.

You have a daughter I'd be even more worried,leave before she grows up thinking that the way your treated is the way she'll be treated when she's an adult.

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