What a prick! Pissed offwith me because I've got my period.

[FindingSmeagol]

I've been away from Dp for a week with dd 2. It was only meant to be a couple of nights but she ended up in hospital for one night with an infection (absolutely fine now) so I went from there to my family as I knew he'd be working and I wanted some support. First morning home and he notices San pro in the bathroom and says 'oh ffs your kidding?!' Um no these things happen monthly and no I've no control over it . I said 'you are Joking right? He's not. He feels cheated out of another few days of sex because he knows I'm not up for it in the first few days. Not really an AIBU. Just a 'what a cockwoble' klaxon type rant. Agh and breathe.

That's worrying ^^

A big neon red flag

If you wanted to go for a drink one night with some friends/ work colleagues what would he be like?

accepts not excepts

Do you always want to have sex with him or do you feel you have to?

He wouldn't stop me but would try to put me off by mentioning that we don't often get to spend many evenings together as he works evenings. If I found a babysitter and he was working he'd be more than happy for me to go out and enjoy myself.

You are clearly just there for his convenience!
Not sure how much clearer he could make it that he doesn't respect you and expects you to be there for his every whim.
You deserve better.

Hmm ok. Still not great. The sex thing is really bad though. Do you enjoy it? It's sounds like an awful lot and I speak as someone with a pretty high sex drive.

Is it the time apart, or the support you might have in your life from a network that he's resisting.

I can really understand why you wanted to be with family and have more company and catch up on sleep after the hospital stay with DD - even without the distance factor to justify it.

It doesn't much sound like you would have got any emotional support from your partner, regardless of his working hours.

I often feel like I have to but sometimes want to.

Often feeling like you have to is not ok, OP.

He's been spoilt since childhood and expects that now.
He's sexually coercive.
He would like you not to see family and friends.

How many more red flags do you need to LTB?

He would like me to see friends and family but would want to be there too.

He is a controlling man, op. You are in a controlling relationship. He doesn't use his fists, he uses emotional blackmail and mental coercion. These days that is equally classed as abusive behaviour by the experts.

Did you realise you are in an abusive relationship ?

Am I the only person here who is happy to have sex while on my period?

I've recently had my doubts since being on mn but this has been a long time in the process. I've been with him since my teens and now am early thirties.

Whether you personally enjoy sex doing your period is kind of irrelevant Argy. And the OP did mention that she doesn't feel like it during the first few days - clearly she's still expected to put out before she's stopped bleeding.

The real issue is that the OP gets sulked at whenever she has a reason not to service her husband.

Margy, what relevance are you claiming there ?

This is horrible OP, I rarely comment on relationships threads, but your DH's behaviour makes me feel really upset for you. It's just so cold and self-centred. I hope you and your DD are OK.

I'll always remember the moment my counsellor told me that what I'd said about my ex related to abuse.

I thought it happened to others, it built up slowly over the years. There seemed to be reasons that I was at fault all the time.

I still have contact about DCs, but that's it. He tried to manipulate conversations early after split, but my counsellor armed me with ways out (e.g. stop, think, is this normal? - no, don't accept). He now doesn't bother me

Can you have a break, as you may get clearer perspective away from him, visit family for longer?

Counselling sounds like a good idea for yourself initially, so you can examine your own self worth and self esteem... Good luck you sound lovely...

This man is emotionally abusive. He doesn't miss you, he misses having you around to control and use as a sex toy.

I know I do in theory. I'm not some timid little mouse and I'm not perfect. I rejoined mumsnet recently after a break since dd was a tiny baby as I wanted support with one of my other problems. I'm realising an unsatisfactory relationship may be at the root of it.

If I was being told this AIBU by a friend I'd be equally as outraged as you are. As I said in the op I know I'm not being unreasonable. It's just so difficult when its yourself and not someone else on the end of a computer.

I utterly detest the idea I'm a sex toy and would hate that message to be subtly filtered down to dd. I want to raise her as a strong and wonderful girl.