What a prick! Pissed offwith me because I've got my period.

[FindingSmeagol]

I've been away from Dp for a week with dd 2. It was only meant to be a couple of nights but she ended up in hospital for one night with an infection (absolutely fine now) so I went from there to my family as I knew he'd be working and I wanted some support. First morning home and he notices San pro in the bathroom and says 'oh ffs your kidding?!' Um no these things happen monthly and no I've no control over it . I said 'you are Joking right? He's not. He feels cheated out of another few days of sex because he knows I'm not up for it in the first few days. Not really an AIBU. Just a 'what a cockwoble' klaxon type rant. Agh and breathe.

I am drinking tea this evening. Join me in a cuppa ?

De lurking with nothing useful to add but am joining you with my cup of tea in a show of solidarity

Your family will understand. They love you. So will your friends, if worthy of the name.

I've been lurking on this thread but just wanted to say that I think you're doing amazingly well. It isn't easy to take the blindfold off as a PP said. It's like the Matrix (if you remember that film) taking the pill and seeing life as it really is not as your controller wants you to see it. It will take time.
Does your H know about your drinking and AA etc? If so maybe you could use that as a bit of a 'cover' story for any mood changes or changes in routines. For example could you say that you need an hour or so to yourself after an AA meeting to gather your thoughts etc but actually use that time out of the house (and his earshot) to ring womens aid or talk to friends / family?

Also, there will be friends out there to support you, you may not even know them well at the moment but it's amazing how support will sometimes just come from the strangest places. Be open to accepting it if and when it comes your way.

hello I apologise if this is not helpful as I haven't read the entire thread but I have a couple of things to add if they do help

My ex, who was abusive (took me ages to realise too) used to moan about my period because it would stop him having sex, should he want it. To the point I would hide tampons etc so that he wouldn't realise I was on.

I drank like a fish in this relationship and then when I left I cut right back as I didn't want to drink because of him. But during it it was pretty much impossible not to as my daily life was so miserable. I'm now pretty much teetotal just because I can be, because I'm happy, and I don't need a crutch to get through life anymore.

I suspect you might find it easier to deal with issues around alcohol once you are out of this relationship. I'm no expert but my personal experience was that I found it easier to do without that emotional crutch when I wasn't facing stuff like shit for having my bloody period!

And in the meantime you need a clear head to extricate yourself. Plan plan plan.

Another drinking tea. Happy to keep you company. No advice but lots of hand holding.

I'm on the fizzy water. Too hot for tea

He didn't isolate me from my friends. I did that all by myself in a bid to be more free for him. So actually yes he had his part to play in that.

I've made the very unprecedented desicion to spend another weekend without him. Leaving tomorrow and can't wait.

Please be careful to cover your tracks online OP, use private browsing or delete your history and log out and close MN after every session if there's any chance he might access your phone. You don't need any extra stress atm and, if he's already questioning your internet use, you may end up getting into conversations you're not ready to have if he sees what sites you've been accessing. I'm also drinking tea in solidarity, stay strong

lovehearts that's all a bit too familiar. I've hidden tampons etc till it's obvious and then you feel so guilty especially if it's early or unexpected. Ridiculous really.

*I haven't had sex since New Year's Eve. My sex drive has just dissapeared.

My dh is fully supportive and is waiting for me to come back to him*

Please tell me how - my DH just takes it as a personal insult despite knowing I have a traumatic past

Why wasn't that bold?? I typed the stars.

Another cup of tea over here. Stay safe.

I'm always careful to the point of paranoia but I wanted to browse mn whilst my phone was charging so I looked logged in on our computer and must have been looking furtive as he immediately asked what I was looking at and why I was hiding it.

I'm out 18 months and still dealing with the emotional abuse side of it. There was physical abuse but that hardly affected me. Reading some of this has made me realise how badly the sex stuff affected me too.

But it's all ok you know, I'm really really happy. I just have little moments of thinking about stuff, working it out. I don't find it traumatic but every now and then something (like this thread) triggers a memory and I'm shocked at the enormity of how terrible my time living with him was. But I'm still happy . Just to be free and to have the head space to think things over.

It's so much better when you;re out, it really is.

maglia Dp know about my drinking but is in total denial. Even passing out cold on the sofa or vomiting he doesn't mind. I've told him about me stopping drinking but not about AA. Outside help isnt something he'd approve of.

He can control you more easily.

He can control you more easily.

Sorry for double post!

It looks like he is happy for you to be 'weak' and unstable then. Probably makes him feel even more superior and as Venus said gives him more leverage to control you. Even more reason then for you to work at keeping sober - you are doing amazing to start on your own and with these stresses. Once you start the process of leaving he will throw it back at you and accuse you of being an unfit parent. No doubt he'll also threaten to take your DD away from you. He'd do that whatever by the way, it's part of the abuser script once you tell them you want to leave.
He won't want you talking to anyone 'outside' your relationship - again it's classic abuser's script, it's all to keep you under their influence and in their control.

You've got MN to talk to now so keep posting if you can but be careful.

Its good that you are trying to give up the drinking its a depressant. How ever you feel you will feel worse when you start drinking. You think about all the negative things in your life and it can turn into a cycle.

With my ex periods weren't a problem he'd still complain if I didn't put a towel down and get on with it.

How was his reaction about weekend away?

Is DD fully reciprocated now? I hope so. They bounce back so well at that age.

Just a thought OP, if it's the national Women's Aid phone number you've called with no success is it worth looking at what local services are available? There's a section on the WA site to 'find your local services', just checked for my area and there's a local helpline number, think it varies what's available depending on where you are but there might be something local to you and if so you might find it easier to get through to them than the national helpline.

www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/

If you scroll down the page I've just linked you can search by area.