What a prick! Pissed offwith me because I've got my period.

[FindingSmeagol]

I've been away from Dp for a week with dd 2. It was only meant to be a couple of nights but she ended up in hospital for one night with an infection (absolutely fine now) so I went from there to my family as I knew he'd be working and I wanted some support. First morning home and he notices San pro in the bathroom and says 'oh ffs your kidding?!' Um no these things happen monthly and no I've no control over it . I said 'you are Joking right? He's not. He feels cheated out of another few days of sex because he knows I'm not up for it in the first few days. Not really an AIBU. Just a 'what a cockwoble' klaxon type rant. Agh and breathe.

You sound like me :( My Ex was like this. I didn't listen to my inner voice and kept drowning it with wine.

I didn't have MN then but once I found it, although I didn't put my own problems on it, it helped me to get out. I spent my entire adult life with him, being coerced into sex, threatened with divorce when I refused etc etc. I freely admit that I am an alcoholic. Alcohol became my best friend, my sleeping tablet, my reward, my crutch, my medicine...

Please don't make the same mistakes.

BTW I am very very happy now. Still struggling with drinking too much but I am getting there.

I have read your whole post and it's heartbreaking. I hope you find the strength to deal with this in a way that works for you.
Remember you are in control of your body and no one else.
A friend of mine who is a midwife told me that they had to contact women's aid after a woman had given birth in hospital. Less than 5 hours later the father was discovered trying to have sex With his girlfriend. I can only imagine the pain she must have been in as she had a Vaginal birth. The woman had consented but he had really coerced her and she was on a lot of pain meds. Thankfully they got the police involved.

Threesheets we do sound similar. Drink covers a multitude of unpleasant truths.

tell him to put his concerns in an email and send it to IDONTGIVEAFUCK.COM

What a dooshbag!

Dizzybintness

When you get with someone at such a young age, you really don't get to experience the different approaches - there are men out there that are not just in it for the sex love. That will want you to enjoy your time and genuinely treat you well so that you want to return [not to give them a blow job but just for a hug].

You have been indoctrinated to his ways and that he thinks he is such a stud muffin just makes me gag.

OP

Well done, OP.

I could tell you I was Princess of Italy. Wouldn't make it true. Just as him telling you he's a "good one" doesn't make it true either.

Have you read Reality's post stickied to the top of Relationships? His dad might be a grade 10 arse and him a grade 8. Still an arse, though.

"I think this has allowed me to put it off."

Nobody should EVER need permission to not have sex if they don't want to.
I'm glad you're seriously rethinking this relationship.

Love that idea skyler30

I know It's horrific

I had an ex when I was 18 who was just like this.

His sense of entitlement over my body was disgusting.

I felt obliged to have sex and would often do so just to stop him nagging / avoid a row / stop him sulking.

I am in awe of your strength for listening to what is being said to you even though it is really hard to take on board that he is abusive.

you could always buy him a girlie mag then tell him to F*ck Off and knock one out!

The thing is you don't have to have x number of signs that it is abusive (and it is!) to not want to be with him anymore.
It's ok to give yourself permission to leave "just" because this is no longer the life you want to have.
Life is long, hopefully, is this the way you want to live for the next 30/40/50 years? Always deferring your needs to his? Never having a break from constant pestering about sex? Not making a decision about your looks without thinking about whether he will "approve"?

I was you finding, it was this place and my friend who posted about my situation, that made me see things had to end.

It took me eight months to finally make it happen and to get him out of my house and another ten months, and another pregnancy, to call in the professionals and really get help to get out of the relationship but this was only the start.

Four months of rape counselling and two years of weekly support from my domestic violence worker, including a few repeats of the freedom programme, and I just about understand how my 19 year old self got involved with him and how it took until I was 30 to get out.

It was scary beyond measure when my friend showed me the thread she'd posted here about the events of one week in my life with my ex and all the people who called it what it was but it was the start of the end.

If you don't make the break now you have still taken a step along the road, one day it will feel right and you will have the life you deserve.

This place will support you to get there whenever you're ready.

Who makes all the important decisions in your relationship op? Who decides where you holiday, what you buy, where you go, what colour to paint the walls etc? There may be the odd area that he's really not bothered about but I bet that it is him making the vast majority of those decisions- or he dresses it up so that you think it's you making them but you do so in the knowledge that it's unwise to make some choices.

for you OP. as soon as you mentioned the hair thing my immediate reaction was... Get on-line, choose a new style and colour and get to a hairdresser asap! Such a clear statement and a first step! 💇💇💇

I have known friends say they wanted to cut their hair but their partner likes it long and I have always been WTF? It's your effing hair... Go for it!

PS I am not a man hater (I would say the same if it was your mother or anyone saying it) nor a particularly bolshy person but... Your hair (body), your choice... Though I would say that loads of cosmetic surgery and tattooing and piercing so that you look like a cat was a severe waste of money, call me judgy if you want!🐱

My DH likes my hair long. I have cut it shorter in the past and he doesn't make an issue of it other than to say he prefers it longer. I wouldn't ever not do it because of him though and he wouldn't expect me to.

That's how a good relationship works.

I agree that you should go to the hairdressers and get what you want done. His reaction will tell you a lot.

My dh prefers my hair long but if I wanted it cut shorter he wouldn't complain about it. My body, my rules

I'm not a fan of tattoos and piercings myself, but if DH wanted to, his body, his choice.

I wouldn't phrase it as liking a body to be "untouched and pure" though. That raised my hackles a little.

My Dp actually prides himself on not Being like this and tell me very often that men in general are bad and I'm lucky I've got a good one hmm. My abusive ex said exactly the same! I think that's what kept me ignorant for years, I just bloody believed him. Looking back now I think he believed it too, even though it was utterly false and just another way to keep me quiet and compliant.

As I just said in a similar thread, I left a man like this and I'm so much happier. I feel like I can breathe again.

The first night I spread out on my bed like a snow angel and laughed with pure happiness that I wouldn't ever that cloud of tension hanging over me again: When will he start with the hints? When will his hand creep over to grope me?

I haven't regretted leaving him for a second.

It's lovely to get some space away from everything.

Ah, space is an interesting thing - you will find (in these circumstances) that you want more of it!

That's what I found too, during my former abusive relationship. It's how I started to distance myself from him, and ultimately get away from him, although that was not my intention at all to start with.

In the beginning, when I was still being manipulated and felt guilty, and as though everything was my fault, I only wanted space and peace - to gather my own thoughts for a few days.

I found that I felt such a huge sense of relief and freedom I wanted more of it - so I had about six weeks where I saw him once and was subjected to (crocodile) tears as he tried to get me to come back.

And after that six weeks I didn't want to go back. I have not seen him since.

I'm free now. You can be too, hun. You would be amazed - it is a scary concept, until you do it. Then once you're on the other side you wonder what took you so long.

You've had your eyes opened by fellow MN-ers now. Grab all the space you can. Even if it's only getting away to stay with relatives for a week or so.

While he is in your face he will manipulate you and make it your fault. That is what will keep you there, feeling guilty. I know, I've been there. My BFF told me I was suffering from Stockholm Syndrome, and she was right. I couldn't see how I was being abused while I stayed in the situation because your sense of reality is altered. You normalise the abuse.

Thinking of you and wishing you peace.

I've had a blissful day, all to myself. As well as sitting out in the sun I went to an AA meeting and called woman's aid. It's given me clarity to look at my situation. It's really not ok. Of course I never really thought it was hence calling him a prick when I wrote this but I was trying to put a fairly lighthearted spin on it.

plantlover it really does make you hungry for more space. I don't really get much time out of the home to myself. I'm not sure I want to be with him anymore.