Listen, wondering whether it's abuse or not is probably a bit early for you. I didn't work out I was being abused until a good year or so after my abusive relationship ended. You find your own way there.
But for now ask yourself this: would you do this to another person? If not, why? The answer is: it's unkind and degrading.
He's being unkind. All the stuff about him being a new man, not like his dad etc etc. Is all bullshit because you know differently at home. He is crude, degrading, gets you to do things you don't like/want to do, gets huffy if you don't. Someone doesn't have to hit you to be unkind. They can do it in lots of other ways.
I think this is the moment when you decide: will I ever let him do it to me again when I don't want it? I don't think he will ever accept that you should have a choice - you will never convince him of this. Any argument or discussion will end up the way it always has - with you apologising to him and nodding away whilst he tells you how you have done wrong. You do this just to end the row more than likely, though probably end up sort of convinced it was you who was in the wrong.
So, he won't change. Look at yourself as if you were another person, or pretend you are a loving mother to yourself. What would you do for that person? You'd want to save them from a lifetime of this unkind, degrading behaviour. So do that.