What a prick! Pissed offwith me because I've got my period.

[FindingSmeagol]

I've been away from Dp for a week with dd 2. It was only meant to be a couple of nights but she ended up in hospital for one night with an infection (absolutely fine now) so I went from there to my family as I knew he'd be working and I wanted some support. First morning home and he notices San pro in the bathroom and says 'oh ffs your kidding?!' Um no these things happen monthly and no I've no control over it . I said 'you are Joking right? He's not. He feels cheated out of another few days of sex because he knows I'm not up for it in the first few days. Not really an AIBU. Just a 'what a cockwoble' klaxon type rant. Agh and breathe.

Yes, his suggestion that you get on your knees for dessert is vile on so many levels, not least because it puts you in a submissive position servicing him.

Yuk!

Gozo10 You could report the thread and suggest that MN add a trigger warning to the title?

Maybe? - I wouldn't want to interfere with someone else's thread though. I don't know what to think to be honest.

I think there's been some really thoughtful responses on here, but could I ask people to really consider whether using phrases like "blow up doll" etc are helpful, or are they actually likely to make the OP, or anyone else in this kind of situation, feel worse.

I think when the op is in strict denial, short sharp phrases like blow up doll can make her realise how badly she is being treated

I may be in denial. I'm reading this and it's like the responses are to someone else, not me. Not my relationship which in many ways is so nice and normal.

I'm sorry to anyone who's found the thread triggering.

Do you think it would be so nice and normal if you suddenly kept saying no?

Just tell him no. Today, tomorrow, the rest of the week. How do you see it going? Will it still be normal?

Quite frankly, some triggering may not be a bad thing for women who are in denial and would rather keep the pretense that all is well. Maybe they should face the reality and walk out, rather than avoid these threads.

How many people on this thread, particularly those with partners who have very high sex drives, can honestly say that they've never given in to this on any occasion?

I did with ex. Note the ex.

OP, don't you apologise. If you find the direct language helpful, that's up to you. If you don't, it can be removed (and can also be removed at someone else's request).

Gozo: I can.

I used to be in a relationship that I thought was nice and normal, when my counsellor dragged me to the police they arrested him for rape. He never held me down or attack and force himself on me in a violent way per say, he emotionally manipulated into it time after time. Which was worse. Looking back now I wish he had of been more violent. It's easy to blame oneself when the abuse is subtle and insidious.

I think his moods would make life bad for me.

There is your answer.

Gozo your post is disgraceful. You should be ashamed.

OP this person is massively in the minority, please ignore.

If he wants to use his moods to bully you, you can tell him to leave. A PP said you will only know how abusive his situation is when you stand up to him. If he escalates his behaviour, that tells you that he won't stop. The only answer then will be to get away from him which, to be fair, a lot of people would say you should do anyway. He sounds truly awful.

I really hate drip feeds but can't avoid not saying this. I posted a few weeks back about drinking too
Much and I've been teetotal since. I'm worried if I start bringing in new changes I'll be tempted to start drinking again. It's very stress related with me.

Smeagol

everyone can be nice. Abusers too.
everyone has good points. Abusers too.

Don't fall into the trap of thinking that abusers are 100% nasty or that abuse victims are quiet, shrinking violets.
Many abused women are feisty. It only makes it more rewarding for abusers when they get to control them.
Many abusers can be very charming, particularly to other people, but they can charm you initially and then when they need to keep you in line.

OP, I wondered about that when you said you were going through some positive life changes - well done! I appreciate that change is hard, but alcohol is going to be harder to beat than this bastard, and look how well you are doing

Also, surely the main source of stress in your life is him.

Separation can be stressful, but once you're out, and your life is calm and you are in control, do you think you will feel the need to drink?

Is that the other big life change you mentioned, love ?

That stress you were under that contributed to you drinking too much ? How much of it was triggered by dealing with your arse if a husband on a daily basis?

Have I missed something? Why is Gozo's post so awful?

And I don't understand why you stopping drinking is relevant? Good for you, if you felt it was becoming an issue for you.

Sorry, I think my last post might come across as insensitive. I meant I wondered why you were apologising for drip-feeding.

I think Gozo is actually going through the same as the OP.