Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Can pictures just appear

150 replies

Laraloulou · 08/08/2016 16:17

Hi, I know this will sound stupid but myself and DP run a buisness together earlier his mobile rang so I rushed to answer it. I missed the call but I know this is wrong I checked his phone he's always so secretive with it. I didn't find much but there was 3 pictures of his naked torso with 'goddess' wrote on it. I confronted him straight away he said "I think they're from ages ago, before we met, they must have just appeared" the date on the photos is from Friday. Can photos just appear in the wrong order? I realise how daft I sound.....

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 09/08/2016 23:16

Stop talking to him then.

I don't mean to sound so trite, but by listening to the bullshit you demean yourself and weaken your resolve.

Set your response on repeat. "I don't believe you. This conversation is over. I will communicate through a lawyer regarding our joint assets"

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 09/08/2016 23:18

It's not about the porn or the fetish. It's about the fact that he LIED to you, several times, only telling you as much as he felt you already knew. Taking you for a complete fucking muppet. He LIED. He expected you to just believe the 'oh it popped up, I might have done that before you, not sure...' FFS.

Then there's the fetish. You can't be his Dom. He 'needs' a Dom. How the hell do you think that's going to pan out?

Lilacpink40 · 09/08/2016 23:21

Definitely time to wake up and smell the coffee. Liars keep lying!

Original poster
Laraloulou · 09/08/2016 23:21

I had a wobble where I believed him even felt sorry for him but I know deep down I'll never believe this shit it will just keep resurfacing. I need to keep strong and believe my gut and heart over him

OP posts:
Original poster
Laraloulou · 09/08/2016 23:25

My gut told me to look on his phone and look what I found

OP posts:
FunnymalsOnPop · 09/08/2016 23:29

What did you find? Did you mean to add a link?

Original poster
Laraloulou · 09/08/2016 23:31

No sorry I meant look what I found yesterday meaning the goddess pictures

OP posts:
FunnymalsOnPop · 09/08/2016 23:36

Ah - yes.

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 09/08/2016 23:38

He's cheating OP. Dominatrix's often make their 'subs' send photos and other little humiliations to earn sex. So if the photo was taken two years go (doubt it though) he'd have had sex with her by now. The other big problem is, dominatrix's don't seek out subs. Subs seek out them. So it's not even an affair he fell into wit a woman at the school gate. He searched for her with the intention of cheating.

BalthazarImpresario · 09/08/2016 23:39

My android devices mess up my gallery. It jumbles up my memory card order for example I have pictures from last may next to pictures I took last week. Really annoying. Often happens when making space on internal memory. From WhatsApp/messenger etc.

BalthazarImpresario · 09/08/2016 23:40

Sorry I hasn't rtft and can see this has moved on.

user1470264502 · 09/08/2016 23:44

After all his drip feeding don't believe a word he says !! Go with your gut evaluate his behaviour and ask yourself is this the tip of the iceberg ?

tattoosandteadresses · 09/08/2016 23:50

Some people do get off on writing things on themselves and there doesn't doesn't need to be an external involvement. It's a humiliation kink or to feel submissive. Given what he wrote makes sense with his interest in Dommes.

Of course maybe there is an external aspect, I don't know? What I do know is that an interest in kink/ bdsm/fetishes generally doesn't usually go away. It just means one or both partners end up unhappy or unsatisfied. It's not the easiest thing to talk about either if one partner is into it and one not. Yes he lied but that could be embarrassment.

Guiltypleasures001 · 09/08/2016 23:57

Sorry op I'm with tattoos here

Anyone with a serious fettish who acts on it is highly unlikely to give it up, mainly because they can't
It's normally deep seated and part of their character and make upFlowers

SandyY2K · 09/08/2016 23:59

he's always so secretive with it.

This ^^^ is one of the big issues along with the lies he's drip fed.

You can tell him that you know you aren't getting the truth and until such a time, you are 'out' of the marriage.

That doesn't mean you are leaving the home or ending things, but as far as a marital relationship - you won't be 'in', until such a time as he stops taking you for a fool and comes clean. Tell him that the longer he takes to tell you the truth, the less chance there is of you getting back 'in' the marriage and proceeding towards permanently ending it.

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 10/08/2016 00:41

Sandy Gives excellent advice, I agree with her

SandyY2K · 10/08/2016 00:48

Thanks Special

DontDeadOpenInside · 10/08/2016 03:20

I totally agree about it being something for a dominatrix. It doesn't mean he has had sex with them though - disgusting still but just putting it out there.

I know a girl that has a normal 9-5 job then comes home and makes a bloody fortune as a financial dominatrix. She works via Twitter and they call themselves goddesses. The men are called paypigs and she doesn't even meet them, they (the men) get disgusting kicks out of handing over cash to her and she has an Amazon wishlist (and similar for other stores) where they buy whatever she wants. She will send a few pics of her arse/tits/feet in return and humiliate them for it.

Honestly, check bank statements if you can and see if he has a twitter account.

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 10/08/2016 05:46

Dont bit OT but I have a friend who is a prostitute (we've been friends since school, so wasn't gunna dump her just because of her job) and she's forever telling me things I wished I never knew.

Like the Goddesses making subs earn sex (one of her co-workers was a dom) through humiliation/things that proved they were truly her cringe sad little boys.

AyeAmarok · 10/08/2016 07:58

OP, you know he's lying to you because the first story he told you, that he swore was the truth, he changed later. Drip, drip, drip. He's admitting the minimum he thinks he can get away with. And trying to switch the blame onto you by saying you're cruel.

He's lying. Please don't torture yourself any more.

Original poster
Laraloulou · 10/08/2016 09:30

Thanks everyone.
I'm going to ask for a bank statement today I haven't noticed any money missing but it could just be £10, £20 a month which I wouldn't notice. I'm guessing it wouldn't show up as what it is. Any ideas what sort of thing it would say if he was paying a dominatrix?? Or just check anything that isn't a shop or buisness I know. I may ask to look on his phone and iPad again. He's at his dad's so I don't want to text him to come round then he will probably double check they're clear. I'll wait to see if he comes thinking I'll ignore him then drop it on him.
I know I'm torturing myself but I feel I need to do these things, my head is in bits I've had constant headache since Monday

OP posts:
SpecialAgentFreyPie · 10/08/2016 09:33

If you really want to look - which I don't recommend but totally understand - Look for anything self deprecating would be step one. Doms are often worshipped, it's part of the game so you could also look for anything that seems out of character religiously. Sorry OP, I don't know your religious stance.

But anything putting himself down is definitely what I'd suggest, from what Friend has told me about doms against my will

Original poster
Laraloulou · 10/08/2016 09:49

We're not religious at all so that would stand out

OP posts:
Lilacpink40 · 10/08/2016 09:49

Do you want you be part of the life you're currently living or are you being dragged by the tide?

I was for years being dragged / floating along. Often had doubt and migraines. I'm glad my STBXH found OW as it let me into a freer life. I'm looking at dating again now and would not accept a man with bizarre sexual desires.

Guiltypleasures001 · 10/08/2016 09:50

Domme's don't have sex with any subs unless in a relationship, check his Amazon account if he has one
And yes deffo to a wish list, also,check payments to utility companies etc, they also get their bills paid for them.

To be honest lovely you don't trust him and when you don't have that you don't need other proof, this will act like a virus, it's going to eat away at you. Don't waste your energy on the why's, save your energy for someone that deserves it.