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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Boyfriend broke up with me, two weeks no contact! Want him back but don't know what to do!

150 replies

shenry25 · 07/08/2016 20:26

I'm sorry if this is too long, I'll try and keep it short. Me and my boyfriend were going out for 7 months. We got on so so well! We had been friends before we started seeing each other and we had a real connection. Things started to get a bit rocky over the last month or so and to be honest we were only meeting up once or twice a month for sex. We were still in contact and would talk on the phone but we really weren't seeing much of each other. He is scared of relationships but he always said how happy I made him and that he would commit someday but wanted to take it slow. I held on for a while hoping that maybe things would change and it was pretty upsetting. My family hating seeing my cry and so miserable so they messaged him on Facebook telling me to leave me alone. He told me it would be best if he walked away and it was good between us while it lasted. He then blocked me 😞
My cousin was quite rude to him to be honest and my mum told him to block me. He text me on whatsapp saying he treated me really badly and I'll realise that Then it'll be time to talk if I still want to. My mum and him were still messaging on Facebook at this point and he said he was so sorry, he wishes he could make it up to me and if there was anything he could do she was to let him know. My mum told him if he could make me happy then she wouldn't stand in his way. He told her how much he cared about me and that he would have a serious think about it. He said he can't deny how well we get on and it would make my mum smile if she saw it, which is true. He Kept saying how much he cared about me and he wants to make it right.
I told him before we started no contact that I still wanted to friends and he said he would like that too. Also, he would maybe speak to me in a few weeks time. He doesn't want to particularly stop speaking to me for a while but he says it's the right thing to do. He told my mum "as far as she's concerned, we're not speaking at the minute" which I took to mean he hasn't fallen out with me completely.

Do do you think we have a chance at all? I really really want to give us another go!!

OP posts:

OreosAreTasty · 08/08/2016 02:29

26 going on 12... embarrassing

DementedUnicorn · 08/08/2016 03:04

I'm cringing so hard just reading this OP!

LucyBabs · 08/08/2016 03:38

Fuck sake harsh replies. Were none of you ever blind sighted or mugged off..

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/08/2016 05:25

Friends don't block each other

Amelie10 · 08/08/2016 06:06

You clearly have no insight as to how immature and ridiculous you sound. I cannot believe you are 26, really you sound too childish and not at all ready for an adult relationship. You have a lot of growing up to do. Why on earth is your family involved in this? And as for communicating and blocking on fb , can you really not see how utterly immature and stupid this is. Take a good long look at yourself and grow up.

Creampastry · 08/08/2016 06:36

You sound like a teenager and very immature. He clearly isn't into you and doesn't want to know you. As for your family...!!! He said that stuff to your mum to be polite - like he was going to say he doesn't give a shit about you. Have some self respect.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/08/2016 06:46

It's not that mature just to slate the OP either tbh

fastdaytears · 08/08/2016 06:56

It seems unlikely that you would have got back together before your family intervened but now I think you can conclude that it's dead in the water and work on how to move on. There has been some good advice upthread.

What you very much do not need to be doing is ringing him.

Surferjet · 08/08/2016 07:03

I'd understand these replies if the op was 56 - but 26?
All she wants to do is try & get back with someone she really likes, most of us have done that at some point in our lives.
Op, I'm sorry you're going through this, after spending months with someone you really care about it is hard when that person walks away - we all deal with rejection & heartbreak in different ways ( although I've never met anyone in RL who accepts it like posters on this thread, almost like they've just been told their train has been cancelled ) I'd try & get him back if that's what I really wanted, but I wouldn't try more than once. Nothing wrong in letting him know you miss him, if he's not interested after that then you can walk away knowing you tried.

Walkacrossthesand · 08/08/2016 07:19

OP, you mentioned that the urge to contact him comes from ''needing some answers'. Trouble is, you won't get any clarity from him. He's already told you a load of confusing/conflicting stuff, there's more than a whiff of bullshit here, he won't want to reveal what's going on in his head... You already have enough to close the episode, no further contact is needed. Put all your effort into stopping thinking about him - consciously steer your thoughts away every time they turn to it.

ittooshallpass · 08/08/2016 07:21

Surferjet... really? You are giving OP advise to try again when this 'man' has clearly already dumped her?

OP... he is stringing you along. He told your mum what she wanted to hear. He was hardly likely to say you were just good for a shag was he?

Not sure what answers you need from this idiot.

Walk away. Don't look back.

DO NOT contact this bullshitter. He is not your friend. You cannot be friends with him. All that will happen is sex every couple of weeks again. You thinking you're in a relationship, him just having a shag when he fancies it.

Taking it slow means no sex. You have read him all wrong. Rather than concentrate on the 5 minutes he was 'good' concentrate on how shit he has treated you.

Him admitting how ashamed he is isn't a good sign. He's laughing his head off at how you don't get angry at his shitty behaviour.

Please... walk away.

Pearlman · 08/08/2016 07:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Amelie10 · 08/08/2016 07:41

And being a PA smart arse isn't mature either.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/08/2016 07:47

Why do it then

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/08/2016 07:48

Anyway

Glad you got some reasoned and supportive advice OP. I hope you find the strength to step away

Amelie10 · 08/08/2016 07:51

Ask yourself you bully

smilingeyes11 · 08/08/2016 07:59

Op - you really need to examine why on earth you think you deserve this sorry excuse for a man. I would suggest some counselling.
And do make sure you delete his number and block him everywhere - stop waiting for him to call you in a few weeks. Find some self respect and tell him to bugger off - if he wanted to be with you he would. All these lines about him wanting to be a friend etc are just lines. They mean nothing and are utter lies.

NickiFury · 08/08/2016 08:20

Amelie. YOU have absolutely laid into the OP ( from behind the safety of your screen) have you really so little insight that you're calling other people bullies when you're doing it so comprehensively yourself?

OP there is precisely nothing to salvage here but I suspect that will not stop you. You won't stop until there's a huge, screaming fall out and declaration of contempt from this man and maybe not even then. I'm dying inside for you at your family getting involved, please stop. This is a car crash.

Roussette · 08/08/2016 08:27

You say on page 1 of this sorry saga, that you didn't tell your family to contact him. Well... in a way you did. By involving them in all of this!

You obviously know what they're like, why did you even tell them his name? My DD is slightly younger than you and she has boundaries between us her family and her private life with her boyfriend. I wouldn't dream of having him as a FB friend because it's nosy.

You want answers you say. What sort of answers would they be? There are none. His actions speak for themselves. As do your family's.

I suggest you have a long hard think about how you handle relationships next time you meet someone.

KatharinaRosalie · 08/08/2016 10:09

OP some of the replies here have been really harsh. Not necessarily wrong, but we've all been there and it's very hard to think clearly when you've just been dumped and given mixed messages.

But really, he's not that into you. And someone who treats you like this is no friend.

I totally get the need for answers - he won't give you any though, you would get more bullshit. The best way to get over him and to move on is NO CONTACT. I promise. Every time you make contact, even to say hi, you will set your recovery back and have to start again. No contact.

What I've found (and I've dated a lot) is that if it's right, it just works. There's no game playing and confusion and mixed messages and crossed wires. Nobody needs time off and nobody is 'unsure what they really want'.

woodhill · 08/08/2016 10:23

I can relate to what OP says about answers and remember feeling like this at 18 etc but you just set yourself up for more hurt and rejection. He just doesn't now ant to be with you and it won't get any better if he is like that now.

Hope things get better for you OP.

ElspethFlashman · 08/08/2016 10:23

Answers???

Here's the answer he WON'T give you:

"You were clearly up for it. I thought we'd have a laugh and a few shags. Once you started getting thirsty for more, I told you a lot of nice but meaningless things as I wanted to extricate myself without coming across as a knob. So I spouted some bullshit but started edging out the door. You were still clearly up for a shag so I thought maybe we could be friends with benefits. But then your family saw through me and started giving me grief. I spouted some bullshit to them too so they wouldn't think I was a knob either. (I really really hate when people realise I'm a knob). And at that point I realised we couldn't even be FWB and I fucked off. But not without spouting more "we'll see in a few weeks" bullshit so......yes you've guess it..... you wouldn't think I'm a knob. I honestly think I had a lucky escape from a Class 1 Cling On and I haven't thought of you at all. I am currently shagging someone else at my convenience, when my drinking allows. Cheers!"

Surferjet · 08/08/2016 10:38

Surferjet... really? You are giving OP advise to try again when this 'man' has clearly already dumped her

Yes I am. Because people need to work these things out for themselves & in their own time. I don't believe for one minute anyone 'L'sTB' just because someone on MN told them to. Advice on here can validate what you're already thinking but it can't make the decision for you. 'Closure' comes from within, & from your own actions, not from advice from anonymous strangers on a website.

madgingermunchkin · 08/08/2016 10:47

Elspeths post OP. That is exactly what he is thinking.

I'm sorry if we come across as harsh, but we've been there. (Some of us go through it a few times before we finally see the light!).
We are speaking from experience and learning the hard way.

TheCrumpettyTree · 08/08/2016 11:00

What Elspeth said.

The 'few weeks' thing is crap he spouted out just to make himself not look like a total twat. Pretends he cares. He doesn't, he's off shagging other people. He isn't thinking about you. Sorry.

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