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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Boyfriend broke up with me, two weeks no contact! Want him back but don't know what to do!

150 replies

shenry25 · 07/08/2016 20:26

I'm sorry if this is too long, I'll try and keep it short. Me and my boyfriend were going out for 7 months. We got on so so well! We had been friends before we started seeing each other and we had a real connection. Things started to get a bit rocky over the last month or so and to be honest we were only meeting up once or twice a month for sex. We were still in contact and would talk on the phone but we really weren't seeing much of each other. He is scared of relationships but he always said how happy I made him and that he would commit someday but wanted to take it slow. I held on for a while hoping that maybe things would change and it was pretty upsetting. My family hating seeing my cry and so miserable so they messaged him on Facebook telling me to leave me alone. He told me it would be best if he walked away and it was good between us while it lasted. He then blocked me 😞
My cousin was quite rude to him to be honest and my mum told him to block me. He text me on whatsapp saying he treated me really badly and I'll realise that Then it'll be time to talk if I still want to. My mum and him were still messaging on Facebook at this point and he said he was so sorry, he wishes he could make it up to me and if there was anything he could do she was to let him know. My mum told him if he could make me happy then she wouldn't stand in his way. He told her how much he cared about me and that he would have a serious think about it. He said he can't deny how well we get on and it would make my mum smile if she saw it, which is true. He Kept saying how much he cared about me and he wants to make it right.
I told him before we started no contact that I still wanted to friends and he said he would like that too. Also, he would maybe speak to me in a few weeks time. He doesn't want to particularly stop speaking to me for a while but he says it's the right thing to do. He told my mum "as far as she's concerned, we're not speaking at the minute" which I took to mean he hasn't fallen out with me completely.

Do do you think we have a chance at all? I really really want to give us another go!!

OP posts:

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 07/08/2016 21:50

He doesn't want to be friends. Block him and forget him.

BIWI · 07/08/2016 21:50

Ah. Fuxache.

Welcome to Mumsnet.

Just5minswithDacre · 07/08/2016 21:50

woodhill · 07/08/2016 21:51

Please move on from him. Try to move in different circles, make new friends etc but don't bother with him.

Hopefully you may meet someone much nicer in the future.

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 07/08/2016 21:51

He doesn't want to be with you. Please don't embarrass yourself by chasing after someone who doesn't want to be with you. It will make you a lesser person.

Also, the stuff with your family is making me cringe.

Move on.

Arfarfanarf · 07/08/2016 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

shenry25 · 07/08/2016 21:52

It is harsh to read but I do value all opinions. It's just hard. I do want to stay friends with him and he said he did too but it will be hard. He's told me before that he was selfish and cares about no one. I think I was just blinded to be honest.

OP posts:

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 07/08/2016 21:52

Now you are starting to think the right way!

Move on from feeling stupid. Next feel angry with him for treating you badly. Then start psycho-analysing yourself to work out why you let him.

You are at risk of ending up married with kids to some other alcoholic with good lines, who wants a house-elf as well as a fuck buddy. You are lucky this one didn't want a housewife and dumped you.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 07/08/2016 21:53

Is one of your parents an alcoholic?

BeMorePanda · 07/08/2016 21:54

Let the "alcoholic who isn't into you apart from the odd shag (though not anymore)" go op.

Original poster

shenry25 · 07/08/2016 21:54

No neither of my parents are alcoholics

OP posts:

TheViewFromTheSheepSeats · 07/08/2016 21:56

Sounds like an ex of mine.
He was a twat.
So is this guy.

SharonfromEON · 07/08/2016 22:05

Ok what you need to do is delete his number... Then that removes the temptation then plan how you are going to move on with your life...

Get out with your mates... Go do something new and exciting, watch bridget Jones...

I also just want to add he isn't going to message his ex's mum ... it ended up we were just having sex........

Good luck moving forward..

Original poster

shenry25 · 07/08/2016 22:10

My mum isn't stupid enough to think it was anything else and she told him that

OP posts:

Original poster

shenry25 · 07/08/2016 22:17

It makes me cringe thinking about my family being involved too! 😕

OP posts:

SandyY2K · 07/08/2016 22:17

What's happened in your life that you are even contemplating contacting this man?
Why would you put yourself in such a position?

I really don't know what you're trying to achieve TBH, but you've seen the raging red flags and want to overlook them ..why?

Do you act like this in all your relationships? Seriously - he's not the only fella you can be with.

You'll loose any tiny bit of respect he may have had if you call him.

You've been blocked. Leave him alone and get the message. If he wants to call you, he will do. Desperation is an unattractive quality in women (and men)

kennypppppppp · 07/08/2016 22:33

at some point you'll get some hindsight and realise that it's totally over. i'd be blocking him from whatsapp so that you can be a slight dumper and not totally the dumpee.

things will get better honestly truly really

madgingermunchkin · 07/08/2016 22:33

Why do you want to be friends with someone who obviously doesn't have ANY respect for you at all?!

Do yourself a favour, he doesn't deserve to be your friend
Friends don't treat friends the way he's treated you.

robusttoday · 07/08/2016 22:38

hope you're not disheartened by the posts / advice. Good luck. you are by no means the only one who's thought this way. I found it helpful to write an honest list of all the reasons to let him go... be tough. then read it again and again, out loud, like a mantra. changing the words you use can help change your mind-set.

robusttoday · 07/08/2016 22:42

big piece of paper, tick. nice pen, tick. courageous heart, tick . now, get working on spring-cleaning your mind.

Original poster

shenry25 · 07/08/2016 22:51

I'm not disheartened as such. Just gutted things ended quite so messily :( he told my mum that he does want to stay friends and she had word that he will respect me. I don't know. My head is absolutely melted with everything. Your right thought. Friends don't treat friends like that. We were absolutely brilliant together when we started out as mates and then sex got involved. I need to sort my own head out. I know contacting him is probably a really stupid thing to do and won't help. For some messed up reason, I just feel like I need answers.

OP posts:

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 07/08/2016 22:57

He's 31 but he's scared of relationships and wants to take it slow but he's fine to have sex now and again. What a load of bollocks. And blocking you on Facebook but saying he wants to stay friends is ridiculous.

Thank you Hedda! Saved me some typing.

Op: look up "limerance" - it may or may not apply just now, but it's eye opening reading.

If we sound harsh, it's because way, WAY -wwaaaaaayyyy - too many of us were in your shoes and didn't having Mumsnet to slap some sense into us. But we're paying it forward anyway

And I agree with PP: "friends" do not treat each other like how he's treated you. Even if you weren't getting decent shags (not that i believe they were - guy sounds like a selfish asshole, frankly), would you allow a "friend" to treat you like this?.

But you'll learn. You will.

Hopefully sooner rather than later.

robusttoday · 07/08/2016 23:00

all the best. sort out a sparkly, amazing new mantra that is totally different from the thoughts that are dominant at the moment. worked for me, so might work for you.

tipsytrifle · 07/08/2016 23:11

AF had it spot-on. If family are likely to intervene after you have vented/cried to them about your private life, then you know you need to learn about keeping your own counsel too. This sounds like a huge and silly drama around a relationship that never was.

You can never tread the same path twice so you should let this go now, really you should. He has your details if he decides to make contact but seriously? This has a snowflake in hell's chances of any success. Expect a booty call at some time in the future but his agreement to "let's stay friends" is kind of code for, "no way, please vacate my life now and forever more."

ZBWRDSM · 07/08/2016 23:29

tt makes me cringe thinking about my family being involved too! 😕

Well hell yes - it really should ALSO ONE MORE IN THE DO NOT CALL HIM CAMP.

How would you feel if you were in a relationship, split up and had all-comers from your ex's family contacting you about it? Would you think:

A: Nothing. That's perfectly normal.
B:OMG. His family are over-invested, really insane and dear god I was right to break up with him as the apple rarely falls far from the tree.

???

It is SO SO SO odd and wrong for your family to be contacting a 31 year old man in this way. If that happened to me, irrespective of what I thought of the ex, I'd think I'd had a lucky escape as that's life time of seriously inappropriate family meddling you are potentially signing up to there.

In future, tell your family to BUTT OUT and don't given them your bf contact info.

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