Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Boyfriend broke up with me, two weeks no contact! Want him back but don't know what to do!

150 replies

shenry25 · 07/08/2016 20:26

I'm sorry if this is too long, I'll try and keep it short. Me and my boyfriend were going out for 7 months. We got on so so well! We had been friends before we started seeing each other and we had a real connection. Things started to get a bit rocky over the last month or so and to be honest we were only meeting up once or twice a month for sex. We were still in contact and would talk on the phone but we really weren't seeing much of each other. He is scared of relationships but he always said how happy I made him and that he would commit someday but wanted to take it slow. I held on for a while hoping that maybe things would change and it was pretty upsetting. My family hating seeing my cry and so miserable so they messaged him on Facebook telling me to leave me alone. He told me it would be best if he walked away and it was good between us while it lasted. He then blocked me 😞
My cousin was quite rude to him to be honest and my mum told him to block me. He text me on whatsapp saying he treated me really badly and I'll realise that Then it'll be time to talk if I still want to. My mum and him were still messaging on Facebook at this point and he said he was so sorry, he wishes he could make it up to me and if there was anything he could do she was to let him know. My mum told him if he could make me happy then she wouldn't stand in his way. He told her how much he cared about me and that he would have a serious think about it. He said he can't deny how well we get on and it would make my mum smile if she saw it, which is true. He Kept saying how much he cared about me and he wants to make it right.
I told him before we started no contact that I still wanted to friends and he said he would like that too. Also, he would maybe speak to me in a few weeks time. He doesn't want to particularly stop speaking to me for a while but he says it's the right thing to do. He told my mum "as far as she's concerned, we're not speaking at the minute" which I took to mean he hasn't fallen out with me completely.

Do do you think we have a chance at all? I really really want to give us another go!!

OP posts:
GinIsIn · 07/08/2016 21:37

SERIOUSLY DO NOT CALL HIM!! If he does want to speak to you, he can call. But as he's blocked you, it doesn't really seem like he does, does it? He hasn't treated you with respect so treat yourself with some and put this behind you - you deserve better!

Original poster
shenry25 · 07/08/2016 21:38

The logical side of my brain tells me that you are all right but the emotional side is a complete mess!! He does want to stay friends but I'm worried that'll escalate to "with benefits" in the end.

OP posts:
Original poster
shenry25 · 07/08/2016 21:38

He only blocked me on Facebook. Not normal phone or anything.

OP posts:
RunRabbitRunRabbit · 07/08/2016 21:40

Two weeks is a couple of weeks

A "few weeks" is at least five weeks.

If you call him two weeks after he blocked you that makes you officially the crazy clingy ex.

To have your say, write a letter, a long one. Then burn it.

Pearlman · 07/08/2016 21:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Just5minswithDacre · 07/08/2016 21:41

It can only 'escalate' if you go along with it.

Can you distract yourself with something for a few days? That's the worst bit. 3 days of anything and you start to feel better and form new habits. Stay with a friend? Decorate a room? Have a box set mammoth screening with router and phone switched off? (Around work obvs.)

Original poster
shenry25 · 07/08/2016 21:42

So should I wait a bit longer then before making any contact? I thought a few weeks was 3 😕

OP posts:
MidnightVelvettheSixth · 07/08/2016 21:43

Sweetheart if by the end you were only meeting a couple of times a month for sex, then you were not a girlfriend, you were a fuck buddy. And now he has found a new one so you are an ex fuck buddy.

Walk away with your head high as he does not want to be your boyfriend and that's ok, he doesn't have to be. Move on and find someone else Wine

madgingermunchkin · 07/08/2016 21:43

DO NOT CONTACT HIM AT ALL. IF HE WANTS TO BE WITH YOU, HE WILL MAKE THE EFFORT

Original poster
shenry25 · 07/08/2016 21:43

I have been trying to distract myself but I just want an answer from him because he said he's going to have a serious think about us and let me know. Problem is also that he drinks quite a lot and he knows is ruining his life so he needs to deal with that too

OP posts:
BIWI · 07/08/2016 21:45

Oh FFS - grow up! Stop debasing yourself. Move on. He's playing you - at best! And you deserve better than this.

Pearlman · 07/08/2016 21:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
shenry25 · 07/08/2016 21:45

He said due to his drinking, he's not fit to be with anyone. He said the way he's behave towards me has actually made him question what kind of man he really is and he's really ashamed.

OP posts:
MephistoMarley · 07/08/2016 21:45

He's full of shit you know that? People who are 'scared of relationships' don't get into relationships. Or they do, and then they blow cold because actually being 'scared of relationships' usually means being emotionally closed and avoidant and not being able to make real, deep connections with people.
He liked you at first then his feelings blew over because they were essentially shallow. They won't come back.

Just5minswithDacre · 07/08/2016 21:45

Drink problem too?! As well as using you and stringing you along!?

Is there a reason you think you can't do any better than that? Shock

MephistoMarley · 07/08/2016 21:46

Jesus Christ it gets better - he's a boozer. Come on! Grow up, get some self respect and move on.

honeybunny14 · 07/08/2016 21:46

If he wanted to try again he would get in contact never chase anyone it will put him off and will step back even more sorry if that sounds harsh and sorry you are going through this but actions speak louder than words he's not interested in a relationship I had this with a ex I stepped back then blocked he still thought we could work things out I had to be brutally honest for him to get the message. Your worth more than this you must learn to see your own worth.

madgingermunchkin · 07/08/2016 21:46

He's not having a serious think about you. He's doing everything he can to tell you he doesn't want to be with you, short of actually saying "I'm not interested".

He knows that this way, the door is still open for him to have you as his fuck buddy again. Because that's what you were. He knows that if he tells you it's over, he can't keep stringing you along as a back up.

Original poster
shenry25 · 07/08/2016 21:46

I know you are all right! I dunno. I feel so stupid for missing him after the way he treated me. My problem is I keep dwelling on how good things were at the start.

OP posts:
Gooseysgirl · 07/08/2016 21:46

'It's called a break up because it's broken', best piece of advice I ever read. Walk away. It is over.

Petal40 · 07/08/2016 21:47

Sweetie ,why did you post on here if you arnt going to take the advice given...everyone is telling you to move on and forget him....go back to page one read through all the replies again and again untill it sinks in....it's over.you must move on.

Just5minswithDacre · 07/08/2016 21:47

He's not ashamed. Not in any real way.

He'll be out on the lash. And the pull.

Stevefromstevenage · 07/08/2016 21:48

Do you have self esteem issues OP?

This is not right. None of it. You do not need this alcoholic loser knocking your confidence. You need to find out why your bar is set so low and adjust it way upwards. You escaped this time. Next time you might not.

Your family need to butt out but here they were not the problem. Next time they might be.

HeddaGarbled · 07/08/2016 21:49

shenry, I do know how you are feeling - been there, done that, got the t-shirt. It's horrible and I completely understand how you cling on to the hope that he'll change his mind and it will all work out.

But honestly, he sounds like a player. He's 31 but he's scared of relationships and wants to take it slow but he's fine to have sex now and again. What a load of bollocks. And blocking you on Facebook but saying he wants to stay friends is ridiculous.

Read all the replies on here. I know some of them are harsh but we can see what you can't because you want him back. He's a twat and is giving you the run around. If you don't accept this you will make yourself a laughing stock.

Reclaim your dignity. Block him. You're 26. Plenty of time to find a man who loves you and wants to be with you and makes you happy and doesn't play pathetic games.

Just5minswithDacre · 07/08/2016 21:50

I know you are all right! I dunno. I feel so stupid for missing him after the way he treated me. My problem is I keep dwelling on how good things were at the start.

It's chemical. Like an addiction. Cut all contact and sit it out.

Pass the time however feels best to you. Hibernate at home with devices off. Get dressed up and go out and flirt with someone. Whatever works.

But DO NOT contact him.