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Original poster

I've made a fake profile...

111 replies

FakeBake · 02/08/2016 16:08

Found out my DH has been on OLD websites, a family member found his profile had been active and told me.

I've set up a profile claiming to be a woman from our area, I've found his profile but I'm not sure what to do next.

I need proof that he's talking to women, I've got the app on my phone so I can keep an eye on it if he views me but I'm hesitant about sending him a message, perhaps because I'm scared of the outcome?

Has anyone done this before?

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 02/08/2016 16:31

Why not send a message just saying 'Hi, your profile looked interesting, can you tell me a bit about yourself.'

See what happens next.

cantshakeitoff · 02/08/2016 16:34

I think you're doing the right thing, he'll do everything he can to deny being on there and then you'll end up doubting yourself.

Wait for him to message you.

Original poster
FakeBake · 02/08/2016 16:34

I'm going to message him when he gets back from work, I doubt that he would answer whilst he is there as he has a demanding job. He spends a lot of time on his phone at home so it would be easy for him to be on an OLD website without raising suspicion.

I feel numb and quite sick but trying to push it to the back of my mind until I know for sure.

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 02/08/2016 16:35

How long have you been together?

GirlWithTheLionHeart · 02/08/2016 16:35

How long have you been together?

adora1 · 02/08/2016 16:37

Feel for you, it's actually not that uncommon, I have a few friends whose friends have found their partners OD.

If you ask him now this is what he will say:

I don't know why I did it, we were not getting on, I was curious, I would never meet any woman or respond, I did it for an ego boost, just to see what would happen.

Guaranteed.com

Original poster
FakeBake · 02/08/2016 16:37

We've been together 2 years, married recently.

OP posts:
adora1 · 02/08/2016 16:40

Oh wow, that's awful, you have hardly been together.

Kr1stina · 02/08/2016 16:41

FWIW I woudl do exactly what you are doing . I'd use a photo of a gorgeous woman and message him.

I wouldn't care if anyone else thought it was undignified , I'd want proof

emilybrontescorset · 02/08/2016 16:43

Hmm I have heard of dating sites keeping people's profiles to make them look busier.
I think you need to message him and ask if he is looking to date.

SusieQwhereareyou · 02/08/2016 16:45

Yes they do put recently active to make the site look busy.

I have been with my boyfriend a year and only just realised I probably still have a tinder profile - I just deleted the app, not my account. So I may well have appeared to others.

happypoobum · 02/08/2016 16:48

The thing is, how long are you going to leave it? I would be going spare whilst I waited to see if he contacted me or not.

I hope it works out OK for you.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 02/08/2016 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BastardGoDarkly · 02/08/2016 16:53

Yep, I'd do it in your shoes.

Hoping it's just a glitch for you op Flowers

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 02/08/2016 16:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LindyHemming · 02/08/2016 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
FakeBake · 02/08/2016 17:02

He gets back from work at 7 so I'll go to the toilet and do it then, I'll turn my phone on silent so if he does contact 'her' he won't know that it's me.

I've never looked through his phone, he leaves it laying around as I do mine so I've never felt the need to look through it nor have I had any doubts about his fidelity other than this and that's why concrete proof is very important to me in this situation.

I'm going to have a bath, put a film on and try to pass the time for now, stomach is doing butterflies and making me feel sick.

OP posts:
NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 02/08/2016 17:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PatMullins · 02/08/2016 17:05

Oh OP SadFlowers

Scarydinosaurs · 02/08/2016 17:06

Why don't you send the message now instead of doing it when he is there? It will be very stressful for you to do it.

Personally, I wouldn't do the profile. I would confront him with what you have.

Choceeclair123 · 02/08/2016 17:09

I would send a message. If you don't he may well try to deny all knowledge and tell you someone else has hacked him or it's not his account. I'd get full evidence while you can.

Amythest001 · 02/08/2016 17:12

What a horrible situation for you..i think if you have got as far as making a profile you would always be wondering 'what if' if you didn't message him.
Flowers

NameChange30 · 02/08/2016 17:12

I would look through his phone when he is sleeping or taking a shower or doing something else than gives you a bit of time.

I would be looking at emails, text messages, and other apps that he uses regularly (does the dating site have a mobile app? does he use whatsapp or Facebook messenger?)
If he has an iPhone you could also look up the location history to see if he has been anywhere suspicious.
And you could check his bank statements to see if he's paid for hotels or dates that you don't know about.

I would certainly do as much digging as possible before confronting him. Don't give him chance to hide his tracks.

As for setting up a fake profile to catch him out, that won't achieve much other than establishing an intention to cheat. I would still want to look for evidence of actual cheating (or intention to cheat by setting up dates).

PurpleDaisies · 02/08/2016 17:13

If you've never had any doubts about his fidelity in the past, why did you decide to make a fake profile instead of just asking him about it?

Are there other areas of your relationship where things aren't going as well as you'd like?

Buggers · 02/08/2016 17:16

I'd send it now, he may be suspicious getting a message the same time your upstairs from someone who's just signed up.. I hope it's just a glitch though.