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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I've made a fake profile...

111 replies

FakeBake · 02/08/2016 16:08

Found out my DH has been on OLD websites, a family member found his profile had been active and told me.

I've set up a profile claiming to be a woman from our area, I've found his profile but I'm not sure what to do next.

I need proof that he's talking to women, I've got the app on my phone so I can keep an eye on it if he views me but I'm hesitant about sending him a message, perhaps because I'm scared of the outcome?

Has anyone done this before?

OP posts:
Amythest001 · 02/08/2016 22:29

Also came on to say hope all is ok

Rubberduck2 · 02/08/2016 22:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MagentaRose72 · 03/08/2016 01:17

Me too Flowers

TangfasticFanatic · 03/08/2016 01:25

I would probably do the same..
I hope it's as Horehound suggested and he's received an email/notification and he's logged in, in an attempt to deactivate his profile/ unsubscribe xx

ChanelNo314 · 03/08/2016 01:29

Blimey.

I hope he doesn't respond but it doesn't look good.

newshoes68 · 03/08/2016 01:37

He will reply" well your bloody well on there too, deliberately using a false name so I don't catch u out!!

Men twist everything - be cautious

readyforno2 · 03/08/2016 01:44

I hope it is just a glitch/technique to make the site seem busier op Flowers

MrBoot · 03/08/2016 01:58

I hope you haven't and don't get a response. I know the sinking stomach feeling too. Hope you are ok!

EverySongbirdSays · 03/08/2016 02:04

FWIW OP - a marriage where the wife feels it necessary to Catfish her husband in order to ascertain whether he is involved in online chatting/dating/casual sex, rather than actually having a straightforward conversation before all this plotting is already halfway to a divorce as duplicity is in play on both sides.

It sounds harsh but it's true

NovemberInDailyFailLand · 03/08/2016 04:14

I don't agree with that - the reality is that men will deny, deny, deny. I would personally rather know the full story, rather than a watered-down, sanitised version of it.

BitOutOfPractice · 03/08/2016 05:33

I hope you're ok op. This sounds incredibly stressful

ImNotJoeMyNameIsHarry · 03/08/2016 06:11

If it is something like pof they send an absurd amount of emails. Easy to click on a link by accident or even trying to change it to stop sending.

Muddlingthroughtoo · 03/08/2016 06:14

Did he message? Hope no news is good news x

newshoes68 · 03/08/2016 07:13

Everythingsongbird - I agree with you .

Both playing different games, for diff reason . It could come back and bite her on the ass.
Hope not, and hope they can communicate!

SandyY2K · 03/08/2016 07:40

a marriage where the wife feels it necessary to Catfish her husband in order to ascertain whether he is involved in online chatting/dating/casual sex, rather than actually having a straightforward conversation before all this plotting is already halfway to a divorce as duplicity is in play on both sides.

You need to get real here. How many cheating spouses are going to fess up to this if asked. Of course you have to go into investigation mode.

You might as well say the same for those who hire P.Is, use polygraphs or covert recording devices. You do what you need to get your facts straight.

Obviously it's not a great situation, but needs must.

Some people will deny till their last breathe.

DailyMailResearcher · 03/08/2016 07:45

Op hope you're ok.and that no news is good news.

JustGettingStarted · 03/08/2016 07:46

I think I would do the same as the op.

EeksyPeeksy · 03/08/2016 07:49

Hope you're OK OP

GlitteryFluff · 03/08/2016 07:53

I'd do the same as the op.
I'd feel like I needed proof with my own eyes, so a conversation, rather than just a time stamp that he's been on it.

Sleeplessinmybedroom · 03/08/2016 08:01

Hope you're ok Op and that he doesn't reply.

zippey · 03/08/2016 17:54

Any update?

yummymummycleo · 03/08/2016 17:59

F

PurpleDaisies · 03/08/2016 18:00

F yummy?

LobsterQuadrille · 03/08/2016 18:28

Hi OP, hope that you have (or don't have) an answer. I did this with an ex on match.com once - trouble is that I could "wink" (I think) at him, which I did - and was then utterly horrified when he sent me a reply - because he had to be a subscriber and therefore be paying monthly dues to be able to do that (and I couldn't read the reply because I wasn't going to pay a subscription for this fake profile). He wriggled out of it - he was a master at that - and actually managed to blame me for the fact that he still had a subscription, because match.com carried on taking his direct debit as he hadn't cancelled it. Then some time later, I accidentally saw his history on his PC and he was on a different site - this time, he said that he was "short of friends" and "only looking for friendship".

Sigh. I recently received a message from the long term partner of a friend of mine on POF (I have a thread on AIBU about this) and basically wish that I had taken screenshots as I have zero proof - by blocking me and then deleting his profile, all evidence of his account has been completely erased.

Hope that you are OK.

Coconutty · 03/08/2016 18:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.