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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

This is so wrong, am I right to feel like this

95 replies

pnutter · 31/07/2016 19:02

I have a close male friend, I am female.
We are just friends, but have had sex in the past.
We see each other socially perhaps once a week. Absolutely no intention of anything but just friends in future. And that goes for both of us.
I saw today he has been sending photos of me to a group of male friends. I mean, I caught him doing it today. It seems he is always doing it. Today it was down my top, I presume he may have sent more explicit ones too :(
I told him our friendship is over. He thought I was being silly and that I should be flattered. It is just a laugh?

OP posts:
Theydontknowweknowtheyknow · 01/08/2016 10:07

Of course it's awful. And illegal! How did he get the photos in the first place? Did you pose for him or has he been secretly snapping you without your knowledge? Don't answer that if you don't want to.

Either way it's wrong and has been recently made illegal:

'Revenge porn' illegal under new law in England and Wales - www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-31429026

Original poster
pnutter · 01/08/2016 10:11

He has been taking them without my knowledge. For example yesterday I was reading something on my phone and just happened to look up to see him taking a pic of my cleavage. I then asked what was he doing and he said sending to his friends. And I should be flattered. I snatched his phone and tried to delete it but saw the comments and some of the other thumbnail pics before he got his phone back off me. I've never posed for a picture for him.

OP posts:
Theydontknowweknowtheyknow · 01/08/2016 10:29

Bloody hell! I think "phone the police" is overused on MN but not in this case.

And you need to act quickly before he deletes. Did you see the names of any of the men commenting? If so note them down too as they will have copies.

It is absolutely sickening that the men were commenting and didn't tell him to stop being such a knob. Angry

IHopeThatIDontFallInLove · 01/08/2016 12:14

Hope the call to the police went ok.

monkeywithacowface · 01/08/2016 13:31

Glad you are going to the police. Chances are he's merrily taking pictures of women he doesn't know in public and sharing those too.

Original poster
pnutter · 01/08/2016 13:59

Police didn't seem sure they could do a anything but they haven't taken his details and are coming to see me Wednesday

OP posts:
McBassyPants · 01/08/2016 14:02

It's voyeurism and without your consent, not to mention him sharing them.with who knows who?!

Original poster
pnutter · 01/08/2016 14:02

Sorry they HAVE taken his details

OP posts:
Original poster
pnutter · 01/08/2016 14:04

They said are they Pornographic ? I said I only saw the down my top ones and bent over clothed and on the loo. My head hurts with the fucked upness of this.

OP posts:
scampimom · 01/08/2016 15:35

He expects you to be FLATTERED?? That some grunting neanderthals are getting a cheap thrill from faceless snaps of you?? Wow.

newworldnow · 01/08/2016 17:41

Oh dear. I think you have to seriously consider why you were friends with him. Obviously he was doing this for a while and you were letting him. Tighten your boundries and be careful who you intimate with.

RedMapleLeaf · 01/08/2016 18:00

Oh dear. I think you have to seriously consider why you were friends with him. Obviously he was doing this for a while and you were letting him. Tighten your boundries and be careful who you intimate with.

What? Where have you got the impression that OP was consenting to him taking, let alone distributing, these images??

Original poster
pnutter · 01/08/2016 18:01

I was not aware he was doing it.

OP posts:
RosieSW · 01/08/2016 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
pnutter · 01/08/2016 18:44

The police lady I spoke to seemed to think it wouldn't be covered as not a revenge porn. The pictures I saw were taken in my kitchen , bathroom and in a restaurant garden. I feel worse not better for reporting it and it makes me feel sick that he's possibly shared others. Also I only saw one comment. They must have been ripping me to shreds .

OP posts:
Original poster
pnutter · 01/08/2016 18:50

Thank you Rosie for that info x

OP posts:
Cary2012 · 01/08/2016 19:01

You did absolutely the right thing in reporting this scumbag. If a 'friend' of my adult daughters did this, I'd wring his bloody neck.

Theydontknowweknowtheyknow · 01/08/2016 19:24

He will have deleted them by then. I can't believe they won't do anything. I thought this new law would cover that. How frustrating for you.

Original poster
pnutter · 01/08/2016 19:47

Well they are coming to discuss with me on Wednesday.

The thing is I haven't replied to any of his texts or calls since it haopened yesterday afternoon. He text me last night to call me a c×nt. Then various texts today saying sorry. I truly don't think he thinks it's wrong. So maybe he won't have deleted them. I think he was saying sorry for swearing at me when I didn't answer. The other people may have copies . I know 3 of their names.

OP posts:
monkeywithacowface · 01/08/2016 19:52

If you don't tell him you've contacted the police then he may not delete them. However by going to the police, regardless of the outcome will show him exactly what you think of his behaviour. He will probably still continue to brush it off as a joke but hopefully you won't be having anything else to do with after this?

Original poster
pnutter · 01/08/2016 20:02

I never want to even see him again.

OP posts:
NashvilleQueen · 01/08/2016 20:06

He may have deleted them but almost certainly they would be available on the server for some time.

AutumnRose1988 · 01/08/2016 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
pnutter · 01/08/2016 20:45

I really don't know

OP posts:
ShebaShimmyShake · 01/08/2016 20:49

He's a misogynistic cunt. Tell everyone you'd return the favour but you can't find a zoom lens strong enough to find his dick.