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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

This is so wrong, am I right to feel like this

95 replies

pnutter · 31/07/2016 19:02

I have a close male friend, I am female.
We are just friends, but have had sex in the past.
We see each other socially perhaps once a week. Absolutely no intention of anything but just friends in future. And that goes for both of us.
I saw today he has been sending photos of me to a group of male friends. I mean, I caught him doing it today. It seems he is always doing it. Today it was down my top, I presume he may have sent more explicit ones too :(
I told him our friendship is over. He thought I was being silly and that I should be flattered. It is just a laugh?

OP posts:
Naicehamshop · 04/08/2016 11:12

Hope you are ok OP.Flowers

BitOutOfPractice · 04/08/2016 11:16

OH OP I've just read this. How scummy and distressing. Let alone the betrayal. It's just horrible. I hope the police have been able to help you Thanks

Original poster
pnutter · 04/08/2016 12:21

It's very long
And I'm not sure how I feel about it all except traumatised and also useless.
Will try to condense

OP posts:
comedycentral · 04/08/2016 12:33

Just catching up with your thread, what a horrid man. I hope you are ok. I can't imagine how you feel.

WellErrr · 04/08/2016 12:41

What a awful thing to have happened to you Flowers

Have the police been?

Original poster
pnutter · 04/08/2016 13:46

Yes a PC came yesterday. He asked me what had happened and said they needed to try to fit in into a criminal offence. Because he had taken pics of me in a public place and wearing clothes albeit taking a close up of my cleavage and bum he said it didn't fit a crime. However the one of me on the toilet came under voyeurism. He said if I proceeded I would have to go to court and give evidence etc and I asked for a couple of hours to get myself some support (I had a gp appointment booked for yesterday afternoon) he agreed .
Then about ten minutes after he left he came back and said his Sargeant wanted an immediate answer if I would proceed or not. I felt so pressurised and so scared I said in that case I can't proceed as I have no rl support . I'm a lone parent with health problems and I couldn't envisage being able to cope . The guy lives a couple of streets away and also when it comes to employment he had forwarded God knows what to people that I may encounter professionally. The PC was very nice and caring and apologised that I had been rushed. So the upshot is a crime report has been filed. It's on record but that's as far as it went. I feel absolutely crap today.

OP posts:
nicenewdusters · 04/08/2016 14:02

Sorry to read that the visit didn't go how you would have wanted.

Are there any online websites that could give you advice and support as to how to proceed now ? I don't mean with a legal case, but with advice as to how to try and ensure these images are deleted/stopped from spreading etc. I'm very un-techy so don't know what I would do in this case, but there are amazingly clued-up people out there who I'm sure could advise you.

My instinct would be to try and "hurt" this creep as much as possible. By this I mean letting everyone know what he's done, and really messing with him however possible. However, I think this would backfire as he's such a nasty piece of work. I suspect it will be a case of just completely ignoring him, try and put him out of your mind, and move forwards.

Very easy for me to say, personally I'd like to meet him down a dark alley with a baseball bat !! However, that not being an option, just remind yourself how horrible it must be to be him, and that he's lost a good friend.

RepentAtLeisure · 04/08/2016 14:09

Although it's awful, if you are vulnerable it may be best to just block him and move on. I'm sorry this piece of shit abused your friendship to show off to his equally shitty mates. If he does anything to upset or frighten you in the future, call the police though.

Original poster
pnutter · 04/08/2016 14:26

Yes the police did say to call anytime even for a chat . He said it was clear how shaken i was and I think he really wanted to be able to help.
I've not had any contact with 'friend' but I walk past his house a lot. I'd like to get the pics deleted but don't know that it's possible. Somehow I doubt it.

OP posts:
Naicehamshop · 04/08/2016 22:48

I would just text him and tell him that you have spoken to the police and that a crime report has been filed.
I hope he shits himself.

BitOutOfPractice · 05/08/2016 07:59

I think that's a good idea. Text him that you've spoken to the police, crime report filed and that any further attempts to contact you will be considered harassment and also logged with the police.

Hopefully the revolting slimeball will leave you alone and do his damndest to delete all pictures.

Original poster
pnutter · 05/08/2016 08:02

I think I might do that and also say I've given the police the other mens' details too as he would be more worried what they would think .

OP posts:
sadie9 · 05/08/2016 08:42

You could try and get some legal advice, possibly free. A solicitor's letter telling him to desist from harassing you or some such might help. If you are distressed, and anyone would be in your situation, you can seek help, advice, and emotional support from the Rape Crisis centre. They have phone lines etc. You weren't physically assaulted but you were violated another way. You could do with the support in this situation as this must be difficult.. Sorry this happened to you. What a pig he is. He had no right to do any of that to someone.
Hope things get better soon for you.

Cary2012 · 05/08/2016 08:57

Perhaps a text or email to him saying 'that there will be no further contact from you, as the matter is now in the hands of the police. All involved parties may be notified by the police in due course. Any further contact by any of the parties involved will be forwarded to the officer in charge' Sounds official, enough to put the wind up him and his mates, and technically truthful. Good luck, it isn't fair that they get away with this.

sadie9 · 05/08/2016 09:48

I wouldn't actually text him again yourself. I would never contact again yourself, ever. You can ask Citizens Advice if you can get free legal aid to send a Solicitor's letter, not sure how much it would cost to pay privately. Any correspondence to the person shouldn't come from the victim herself. As it's only starting a new conversation and you don't want that.

Original poster
pnutter · 05/08/2016 10:56

Thanks everyone not done anything yet still thinking on it and letting myself recover x

OP posts:
smilingeyes11 · 05/08/2016 12:16

Is he still messaging you? I don't know if I would tell him I had gone to the police - not sure if that would invite more awful messages from him which you should not have to receive. Would victim support be able to help you deal with this btw?

RepentAtLeisure · 05/08/2016 12:21

I think I might do that and also say I've given the police the other mens' details too

Did you? Sorry, you didn't mention that. I don't disbelieve you but only tell him that if it's the truth and you saw their names, or it may undermine the rest of what you say. But ideally, just blank him. He doesn't deserve any more of your time.

Original poster
pnutter · 05/08/2016 12:36

I haven't given the other names but I know three of them.
He's stopped texting and calling.

As far as I know he's not even aware why I'm blanking him or that I've been to police. His last message was to say sorry for calling me a cunt.

OP posts:
RosieSW · 06/08/2016 21:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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