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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

This is so wrong, am I right to feel like this

95 replies

pnutter · 31/07/2016 19:02

I have a close male friend, I am female.
We are just friends, but have had sex in the past.
We see each other socially perhaps once a week. Absolutely no intention of anything but just friends in future. And that goes for both of us.
I saw today he has been sending photos of me to a group of male friends. I mean, I caught him doing it today. It seems he is always doing it. Today it was down my top, I presume he may have sent more explicit ones too :(
I told him our friendship is over. He thought I was being silly and that I should be flattered. It is just a laugh?

OP posts:
smilingeyes11 · 01/08/2016 20:50

well done you for contacting the police - how bloody dare he do this to you. And the comment about you 'letting' him take pictures - please ignore such victim blaming shite.

AutumnRose1988 · 01/08/2016 21:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
pnutter · 02/08/2016 16:15

He's a professional, a suited and booted manager . As are the other (married) men.

OP posts:
MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 02/08/2016 16:23

Was he using his work phone? If so his employer might be very interested in this too!

Original poster
pnutter · 02/08/2016 16:33

Yes..something my friend thought of too

OP posts:
EnglebertSlaptyback · 02/08/2016 16:39

I work in forensics and get quite a few cases in like this. So you're not wrong in contacting the police.
They can seize his phone and even if he has deleted the photos & the chats with the pictures inside, they may still be recoverable. Depends on the phone as always.

It's a horrible thing to do & a massive betrayal of trust & friendship.

Original poster
pnutter · 02/08/2016 16:55

Thanks ..I just called the police to ask what would happen tomorrow..the man was more insistent that they need to follow it up as it was very distressing and also they are concerned he may have done / be doing it to others . So I feel slightly more confident I did the right thing . They are coming tomorrow morning. The 'friend' gave up texting and calling last night. I didn't reply at all. But I have all his messages obviously.

OP posts:
Original poster
pnutter · 02/08/2016 17:04

I'll admit..I was going to cancel. They've persuaded me to see them tomorrow.

OP posts:
Original poster
pnutter · 02/08/2016 17:13

I'm scared that the shit will hit the fan ..he lives near me and also they are going to have to go through his phone/s and God knows what pics of me he has 😢

OP posts:
CalmItKermitt · 02/08/2016 17:14

Good for you. What an absolute sleaze 😡

Wristy · 02/08/2016 17:19

You have nothing to be scared about. He's the one who should be shitting bricks.

You've done the right thing, and the police are right it might not be an isolated thing, he could be doing it/have done it to others.

Good luck tomorrow- Chin up!

Amythest001 · 02/08/2016 17:24

Well done for taking this further...what he has done is horrible and completely wrong.
Do you have support in rl too?x

Nannawifeofbaldr · 02/08/2016 17:27

pnutter you absolutely did the right thing.

Remember:

Any trouble this causes this man professionally, socially, legally. Is HIS fault.

His fault. Not yours.
His actions, his consequences, his responsibility.

Not yours.

He did this to you. Not the other way round.

Don't let anyone tell you different.

I was assaulted in public, in front of witnesses when I was 20yo. everyone there told me it was a joke, and my responsibility not to ruin his career by reporting. So I didn't.

I've regretted it for 20 years. Well done to you for reporting this revolting man. You've done the right thing.

Original poster
pnutter · 02/08/2016 17:37

Thank you all.
I've only told one friend and she's on holiday . But the policeman I spoke to today sounded reassuring and was insistent he come and talk to me.
By the way I'm in my late forties not young...so I should be able to cope. I just feel so shaken by the fact that we were friends and colleagues for many years I suppose.

OP posts:
Meeep · 02/08/2016 17:48

I would definitely wonder if he is doing similar to other women.
Sounds like that policeman in the news the other month taking photographs up a 15 year old (I think?)'s skirt in a shop.

Meeep · 02/08/2016 17:49

You are totally doing the right thing.

Original poster
pnutter · 02/08/2016 17:54

Thanks
I just have to remember I'd kill anyone who did it to my dd

OP posts:
RandomMess · 02/08/2016 17:56
Flowers

How utterly awful for you, wishing you strength for tomorrow, he needs stopping.

McBassyPants · 02/08/2016 18:23

Stay strong. You are doing the right thing x

Naicehamshop · 02/08/2016 18:24

What a disgusting sleaze he is. How dare he treat you like this!
Stand firm - you are in the right here. Flowers

nicenewdusters · 02/08/2016 18:25

You are doing absolutely the right thing OP. You'll be protecting yourself and other women in the future.

I hope this sends his life into a tail spin and shreds his respectability.

redwinerequired · 02/08/2016 18:28

That's absolutely horrid. Good luck for tomorrow, glad the police persuaded you to let them still come and talk to you

IreallyKNOWiamright · 02/08/2016 22:34

You need to report him because you never know what he could do next and it might be too late. I would def see this as a warning sign..

CiaoVerona · 02/08/2016 22:45

What a fucking scumbag.Well done for reporting him he needs to be arrested and charged.

RedRainRocks · 04/08/2016 10:51

How did you get on OP?