Why am I so horrible to lovely DP?

[MadHattersWineParty]

Argh I feel so cross with myself!!

DP is lovely, like really really nice, kind, patient. I am horrid.

This morning I was getting ready to go a hospital appointment at the same time he was getting ready to go to work. I get stressed and frustrated about these appointments. It's just a clinic kind of thing because I had a pulmonary embolism last year. They don't know why and it was probably down to the pill but every time I go to this bloody clinic I see someone different who hasn't read my notes and wants to do loads of blood tests that I've already had and it takes ages and I get more stressed about being late for work. Everyone is very nice but nothing about it is efficient.

Anyway. I know I need to leave at exactly eight minutes past eight to get the train I need to get to the hospital with time to check in etc. DP usually leaves about twenty past so I said I'd go ahead but he says he will walk with me. I should have just said I wanted to go on my own. He took ages doing his laces up and choosing what crisps to take out of the cupboard for his lunch. Okay not ages but the clock was ticking past the time I wanted to leave.

Then he starts faffing with the rubbish going to take it outside and I was getting irate and said he'd have to catch me up if he insisted on doing it now. It did come out very snappily though which I felt guilty about. Then he said he'd forgotten his umbrella and it was raining so I said 'too bloody bad, I'm going to be late' as it was I did miss the train I specifically wanted to get which stressed me out further but I did still get there on time.

Then he looked hurt and didn't speak to me or look at me for the whole of the tube journey and just walked off when he got to his stop. I'm in the doghouse for speaking to him in a horrible tone. And I know I do it. I just get stressed out and everything I say comes out like that. I need to stop doing it but how?! I have apologised but I know I'll end up doing it again.

Disclaimer: I know people have bigger relationship problems than this.

[ToastDemon]

bingy your snide dig was about my supposed character traits. Which have nothing to do with anything on this thread.

[Dozer]

OP your eyes are open: reflect on your relationship to date and observe how he has treated and treats you, including instances like the recent ones where he definitely fell short (the reasons/excuses for why he did/does X or Y are much less important in this than his actual actions towards you). you will get a picture of whether this is someone who is likely to be good to you long term. That is questionable at present.

[CocktailQueen]

I realise this was at the start of your thread but

He's text me to say I've made him upset and angry at work from speaking to him so harshly.

You haven't MADE him do or feel anything, OP. He has made himself feel like that. He needs to own his own emotions - not blame you for them.

[rumblingDMexploitingbstds]

He sounds bloody controlling.

Agree with a pp: look up Lundy Bancroft's 'Mr Sensitive'.

[LineyReborn]

Christ I couldn't be arsed with all that shit.