Dry 14

[glad2016]

This is the thread for all those who are living, or committed to living, life free from alcohol.
Go sober warriors !

morning finnish

You are doing so well. Nearly 100 days! Do you have a treat or a celebration lined up for when you hit 100?

Morning all.

Also thinking of you lily. You have been under so much stress.

Finnish nearly 100 days is amazing! We are amazing aren't we? Isn't it just great? Hope it goes OK with your family at the weekend. I had my first social event since giving up this week. I found all the wine around much trickier than I thought and the next day had cravings for a while which has not happened since the first weeks. Still - I got through it and hopefully will be a little stronger for it. We have a wedding today. Holiday on Monday. Both events - when we first gave up- seemed unimaginable without alcohol but it''s going to be OK. I'm so grateful I don' t drink and I'm grateful that I can post on here and you get it. Thank you.

How was the wedding pimpernella?

A calm day today - hanging out with the kids, swimming and cooking. Enjoyed it all without a hangover, which I am so grateful for.

It is very quiet here. Riveria if you are reading, I've been thinking about you and rooting for you.

lilybetsy how have things been this weekend?

The wedding was lovely thanks and really not too bad alcohol wise. The glass of champagne was very tempting and I did have to push it into the middle of the table but really happily we had a good time and didn't feel we were missing much. Even better we drove home when we wanted without having to wait for a taxi!
Very grumpy packing today though...very stressful! Camping in Cornwall -easy peasy- been doing it forever - what do you take? Just about everything! - Greek island - no clue! There are worse problems!
How is everyone else?

V hot here now. Getting a bit tired of being in a tent, however large!

glad I do not blame you. I used to love camping, but went off it since I had kids. Are you having fun otherwise?

Things are good with me. Still here, still sober.

I read a post on another thread about the idea of being a 'dry drunk' - someone who stops drinking through willpower, but doesn't put in any other work into their sobriety. Are people here familiar with that concept? (I will be googling it and reading about it today when I get a chance too).

I am worried about being a 'dry drunk' and if there's something else I should be doing - other than just not drinking - then I want to do that. I don't want to relapse and I do want to deal with the things that made me drink.

I am reflecting a lot and working on being more present and active in the house. I am trying to deal with my stress in more positive ways.

Not sure what else there is. Am I missing something?

pimpernella my buddy - so glad that the wedding went well. How did the packing go? Are you away for a while now?

Packing more or less done thanks and DH and I still speaking! We are away for 2 weeks but am anticipating having WiFi.
I am not sure what you mean by dry drunk - though think I saw that too - just can't remember. I have read that it' 's good to fill the hole left by drinking with a new hobby or activity. Have you managed this? Not me - I tend to just go to bed. DH don't seem to talk/ be together as much now. When we drank we would probably have a sociable chat in the kitchen while drinking and cooking. Those first couple of drinks did loosen us up and make us jolly. Whilst it was nice - I realise it sent subtle messages to the children about alcohol and how happy and relaxed it makes you. Now we are miserable buggers who don't really chat much and head off to bed with the kids! It isn't a big problem - I'm just thinking aloud.
Are your stresses work related Pillow?
How long do you have left in the tent Glad?

Yes, work related usually. I don't have a particularly stressful job - but the hours are very uneven - it is very quiet now - and I do find that hard to manage.

I think I need more excersise and less aimless time surfing the net. I hide behind my computer screen a lot, even when I am at home, and that is no good at all and not much better than hiding in the bottle.

Is there something else you could do with your DH? I found the same thing, and we are going to bed earlier - but I'm also more awake and better tempted in the morning so we're connecting better then too. I find my sense of humour is coming back now I am not always hungover, and that is helping too.

better rested that is! Though I'm finding myself more often tempted by him too... ;)

Hi! Still sober :)

I realise I had got carried away. Am only 85 days sober so a bit to go to reach the magic 100. Not drinking has been tricky, although I had an unnecessary meltdown about if I should eat a sherry trifle...

I think I know what you mean about dry drink, one. But my sober friends tell me that the first 6 months are just about getting through, then we should start putting other things in place after that. That timetable makes sense to me. I'm still all over the place emotionally, but apparently boredom says in at 6 months...

Waves at pimpernell

glad your camping sounds quite amazing! Hope you find a nice cool river soon...

Hi someone told me about this thread. Holding my head in shame I made a complete drunk mess at somebodys wedding. I'm so down about it.Hate myself for drinking and just want to hide away. How do I deal with this?

Hi Finnish
My 60 odd days feels like FOREVER. Six months seems such a long way off and yes - I've read that too that that time is a danger point...sigh. We once did 4 months sober and relapsed. I am thinking that we hadn't committed that time to forever but I can't really remember - it was many years ago.
One - I totally agree about not being busy...waaay harder mentally. Never happy me!
Choc - being here is a good start - welcome. What is your alcohol pattern like? How would you like it to be?
Just realised how rubbish my new username is for shortening! Feel free - I shan't take offence!

I I probably drink once a week,but when I do I go mad like it's going to run out. If I drink at home il probably get loads of different types then go to shop before it closes to get more. I do feel as if I have a problem because I never just have one. Say one weekend I haven't drank I feel better for it. But sometimes I just think oh iv had a bad week let's get drunk.

chocoholic I have been where you are. I drank more often, but that sense of having one, then going mad and having to drink ALL OF IT is very familiar to me.

If you have a look at my posts on this thread you will see how low and upset and wobbly I was at the start, and how quickly things improved for me. It isn't always easy, but I am so glad I am here. People don't seem to mind if you post a lot or ask for help or just check in from day to say, and I've done all of those things and it has helped so much. Is there something in particular that has triggered you being here today?

finnish that is good information about the first six months. I still feel very very much a beginner and I am nervous I am not doing it 'right' because I really don't want to relapse and be back where I was.

I don't have experience of that pattern myself but I know people in RL who do.
For me I had not only to want to change it...have wanted that for decades...but had to have got to the point where I knew there could be no more deals with myself - that I would never be able to moderate in any way and I simply had only one choice left if I had any chance of a positive life for us all.
How do you get to that place Choc and how long has it been going on? Do you have other problems you use alcohol to help with? (no need to go into detail if you don't want to)

I came on here because I feel so bad about myself Everytime something happens it's always got to do with drink.
I'm mortified with myself that I went to a wedding at weekend and drank in excess feel such a idiot. What must people think of me..
My boyf who I been with for 8 years is my drinking partner but then it can become bad between us if we are drunk.
I really hate this feeling and I'm so embarrassed.

It was shame and embarrassment that prompted me to stop too. And, like my buddy pimp (!!) says, feeling like there was no way I could make one more deal with myself, or promise to moderate.

I think for me (and it might be very different to you) I had to finally accept that a lot of the shame wasn't about how other people saw me, but how I was seeing myself - how every time I promised myself I would just have one or two, then drank until I passed out, I'd lied to myself all along. My self esteem was at rock bottom because I could not even be honest with myself about this one thing. I was lying most of all to myself and in total denial.

I still feel shame, every day - but it isn't that crushing sense of self loathing that I used to get. And the shame is fading because I made this promise to myself and I am keeping it and that is making me feel like I am worth something.

Ignore this if not helpful. x

Helpful to me old pal! It''s good to know that your own failures and shame are not yours alone.
It's really hard when your partner drinks too. We' ve done it all...me not drinking / him drinking. Him not drinking because of fatty liver disease/ me sneaking spirits in my coke in a mug behind his back. Us both giving up but then giving each other permission to relapse. Each being each others policeman or tempter. All very very difficult.
One pillow is right - every day we don't drink is something to be proud of and sometimes it hits me and I feel great! It's hard but doable once you can commit.

Yeah it's helpful. I am going to try to stay off the drink I have a family I care for so I'm hoping it shouldn't be too hard as it's like once a week I should just stick on a film when children have gone bed not open a bottle. I have got another social thing to go to in a few weeks but I plan on not drinking. Will be hard I guess when everyone around me will be.

Do you know what prompts you to start, choc?

If you can figure out that, you might be able to figure out a way to get around or avoid the trigger until you feel a bit more secure in being sober.

If your partner drinks too, it is hard. All the stuff you said really rings a bell with me, pimp. :)

Me and my DH have had a wobbly time in the past, and my drinking was a way to escape from that. When I stopped drinking I had to have a look around and see how distant we'd become. But the past week or two we've been getting our sense of humour back, talking and communicating more effectively, and I even think he is beginning to believe I am really not drinking any more and is starting to feel proud of me. He's cut his own drinking to nearly nothing (he wasn't a boozer like me, but we did drink together, or at the same time and in different rooms...) and that's without me asking him to or mentioning his drinking at all - so a good influence all around.

The fact he has noticed me doing this - and that he's glad I am doing it - well, it makes me feel about ten feet tall some days and is such a good way to combat all that shame and self loathing I felt. And I am not doing it for him, but for me, and he knows that too.

choc I have to go now. But I remember what these early days are like and how lonely and hard they can be. I need to do a bit of work online tonight so I will sign in and keep an eye on this thread. If you want to chat, then post a message and (kids allowing) I will do my best to be here and do some hand-holding. I am so happy to give what was given to me. If you have time, go out and get yourself some lovely herbal teas or flavoured waters. Drink LOADS and flush out your system. It won't hurt and might help.

What prompts the drinking? I don't know it's just something Iv done when Im sad happy bored social if your doin it then I am too! Sort of thing. Sounds pathetic Dosnt it.

Welcome choc - I'm a newbie too, just on day 8, but already feeling more hopeful and optimistic.

Can I please ask people who are further along than me - how long does it take until sleep starts to improve? I'm still sleeping terribly, taking an age to get off to sleep and then waking up early too. I'm knackered and it's starting to get me down a bit. I was really looking forward to lots of lovely sleep...

Off on holiday tomorrow - slightly apprehensive but feeling determined and really hoping I can check back in once I'm home (don't think we'll have internet) to proudly say I managed a dry holiday!

Well done jellybean. My sleep improved right away - I slept like the dead - and then it was bad for three or four weeks - I think I was ill and stressed and a bit miserable and it might have been PAWS. It's different, probably, for everyone. If you are used to drinking until you pass out (as I was) it will probably take a while for all your hormones and chemicals to settle again. I drank loads and loads of herbal teas in the first couple of weeks - sometimes about four or five a night - just to have that feeling of sipping something - and perhaps that helped too?

choc I don't think you sound pathetic. You won't feel pathetic when you get a handle on this and have a few sober weeks behind you: you will feel like a champion.