Dry 14

[glad2016]

This is the thread for all those who are living, or committed to living, life free from alcohol.
Go sober warriors !

Alison, September sounds very difficult for you. We are all here behind you for support if you need it.

Well done on the two days Big

Another tired one here, seems to be the running theme today Dd woke me up just as I was nodding off then I couldn't get back to sleep until silly o'clock in the morning.

Relate so much with that feeling Falsenails. Was disgusted with myself doing 11 months and relapsing but like yourself it's given me the clarity to see I obviously cannot moderate. That's made it much easier this time as it shuts down that voice automatically in my head saying 'you've been off it so long, you can control it now'

Glad you can relate tattoos i was worried my post came across as avoidance or denial when it's really quite the opposite.

tattoos

from your experience, when did that voice start to creep in? I am happy not drinking right now, working hard on other coping mechanisms for stress and approaching 90 days. But I really don't want to get cocky. Was there a point where you thought 'ah, I'm cured, I can totally just have one glass' and started to believe that voice? I think that's probably the next challenge - and I want to get past it without treating my long suffering family to another bender.

Onewhitepillow!ive been reading more about your journey on this thread. You've done so well and you seemed to carry so much guilt. I hope that's easing now.

bigfat that mourning alcohol is shit isn't it. I haven't got past that yet. It's been the best and worst friend to me.

alison good luck for the coming month. Keep on sharing and posting

tattoos your posts have always resonated with me and the fact you made 11 months is amazing! Thanks for the hugs yesterday.

The woman I met in AA texted me a few times today to see how I was doing. Really thoughtful. She's been sober 8 years!

strongtea yes - lots of guilt. I know it's going to sound a bit woo but doing the headspace and the yoga this past week has really brought it to my awareness how much of my inner chattering voice is berating myself for not being good enough. Clumsy, inefficient, awkward, shy, horrible laugh, bad posture, teeth not white enough, not clever enough, not a good enough friend, talk about self too much, ask too many questions, post on this thread too much. I've noticed - really strongly - how I have this constant barrage of criticism going on in my head. And that's just the day to day chatter, not even starting on what it is like when I think about what I was like when I was drinking.

In some ways, the shame and guilt is my friend because it's making me terrified of going anywhere near booze and I haven't TOUCH WOOD been near to a lapse so far. In other ways it is exhausting and it makes me sad and I am pretty sure it will lead me back to drink - just to get that voice to shut up - if I don't get a handle on it.

Right now, I am not sure what to do next. Just stop drinking and try to take care of myself. I think noticing it is the first step. We'll see.

I'm so glad you texted your AA woman and that she was checking in with you. It's hard to accept support but I think you deserve it. I think I deserve it too. Or I am working on trying to think that!

I honestly couldn't tell you onewhite, it's like a little voice that pops up every now and again even at the start for me. Even now 26 days in but it's easy to defeat it while being drunk is still fresh in my memory and my resolve is high. It's later on when that determination starts to fade that it gets stronger and I start to believe that this time things have changed. Like my first proper periods of sobiety was three months, then 6 months, then 11. It's like every time I leave it longer as it obviously wasn't enough the last time but somewhere in my mind I think another few months will make all the difference. I'll be cured!!! Really need to stay very aware of that this time round.

Your post made me sad. We really can be our own worst enemy and show ourselves criticism and unkindness we would never dream of bestowing on another person pillow You do deserve it and much, much more.

That's lovely she texted Strong, it's nice to have some RL support too. 8 years is some going too.

Thinking of heading back to AA myself this weekend. I was never really a regular goer but I have found the past few days slightly challenging and it will make me feel more resolved about it I believe. I'm feeling a bit stressed as I'm beginning to question if my relationship with dp is sustainable. She's lovely but there's lots of little things building up to make me wonder if we have a future.

At least that's a good thing about being sober, I'm not just getting drunk like I did during every other relationship and I had little to no idea if the choices I was making were good ones or doing my burying my head in the sand routine. Drunk me makes extremely bad choices and picks very unsuitable partners

has anyone here done the bit of AA where they seek out everyone who they have harmed and make an apology to them? I am wondering if that might be a good step for me. I am not sure. I went to AA a few times, a couple of years ago but either I wasn't ready for it, or the rigour of it (like, you have to work the steps exactly as laid out) put me off a bit.

Thanks for your kind words tattoo and sorry I made you sad. I think I've come such a long way since joining here. I am just realising there's still a long way to go. Growing pains, that's all.

tattoo is so right, you'd never talk to anyone else they way you do to yourself. Can you imagine?! You'd be punched very quickly! It's so easy to talk ourselves down, rubbish achievements and tell us we're just not good enough. Well done for observing that voice pillow
After thinking I was hoping easily this morning I've been grumpy and had a thumping headache. What's that about? I'm actually reasonably hydrated for once.

Coping, not hoping...but I am hoping too obviously [ties self in knots]

Really productive evening yesterday. Bedtime stories, coloured my haur, worked on my business, sorted kitchen ready for morning, sat down with OH. I have so much TIME now! Sleep is improving too.

The more I read this thread the happier I feel about my decision to quit. So much of what you all say resonates with me.

Morning all.

The self hating voices- it is so self sabotaging, and I do it too. Misery-making.

Can I suggest a challenge for today? Every time you tell yourself a nasty thing about yourself, bring yourself up SHARPLY and change it. Say instead something like; 'I am kind, lving and a wonderful friend'. The self hatred becomes a habit, and for me at least is one reason why i drank and used drinking to squish all the feelings down.

I tried this yesterday very consciously...... I was walking down the high street at home when a former neighbour came up to me and POKED me HARD in the stomach and threw her arms around me exclaiming 'I am so happy for you!!1 How far along???!!!'. My weight is my biggest most sensitive subject.

Anyway, I went home feeling so blue and glum, but then kept telling myself; 'I have a healthy eating programme. I am getting the weight off in my own time. I am doing fine. Don't worry. It's okay'. And I felt alot better. Usually a comment like that would have sent me into an extended period of binge eating hell. But I think and hope I stopped it. And I feel fine.

So today I am challenging myself to look out for every bit of negative self talk and to turn it around. I am so tired of hating myself and who I am. and it has affected me so badly over the years.

Anyway - if anyone wants to join me on that challenge, then I'd be glad of the company. :)

well dome gotta. My evenings feel so much longer too. It's nice, isn't it? And the mornings are much nicer and more leisurely also.

slimcheesy that is a great idea. motherr is right, we'd never speak to anyone the way we speak to ourselves. I take really special care to build up my colleagues and my friends and my children - to be gentle and uncritical with them, and to compliment them on something every time I see them. I try to do it sincerely, not in a syrupy way, just because I know most of us are pretty unappreciated for our work and need a bit of a boost. But when it comes to myself? No way. I am so hard and unforgiving. I wonder why that is? It's a kind of ego, isn't it? That other people need gentleness and building up, but I'm special, all I need is kicks up the arse...

Well, I will take you up on the challenge slim. Just for today, there's no-one allowed to be horrible to me. Including and especially me.

I'm on for that challenge too slim I'm used to being slim until after dd arrived so I've had the 'are you expecting?' question thrown at me left, right and centre. It's crushing isn't it. Rule of thumb for anyone asking: if you don't see a baby coming out of a woman, don't ask if she's pregnant!
I hate that a woman's self worth is so wrapped up in looks anyway. It's bollocks. All the nagging guilt that your not a good enough mother, partner or colleague etc could be evaporated, temporarily by a drink and then it'd return 10 fold the next day. All of us on here are doing something so positive for everyone around us and for ourselves.

onewhite I think I'm really missing that zoning out from day life stuff and stress with alcohol so mindfulness sounds like a great idea. I like a bit of woo anyway.

strong glad to read you are back on it well done. Fab to read posts from new people it's great to meet you all. hurricane your post was brilliant, agreed with it all, I am too uninspired and lazy to write such a post but I wanted to endorse Andrew Johnson Quit Drinking app for the benefit of newcomers. My other top tip is Bavaria which is a non alcoholic Dutch lager and really delicious, Asda do a non alcoholic fizzy Muscat which is not like wine, tastes more like Schloer but the bottle feels like a classier thing to put on table or open at a picnic. Sometimes you want to blend in. Anyway keep on you blooming brilliant sober warriors x x hurricane is it day 250 for us on Sunday?

Still here all, day 4 now!

Thank you Hurricane for your wise words

I can't post much today as out and about today but hope to post more tomorrow. Wishing everyone sober Fridays!

Absolute, my sober twin! Lovely to see you, I'm glad you're still here and you're right, it's 250 days for us on Sunday!! I've just had to go on a day calculator thingy online as I haven't been counting days recently, I just count months now
Well, it turns out that I'll be celebrating by running a Half Marathon on Sunday morning

Wow likeahurricane, well done on 250 days and good luck for your run!

Well done Likea and Absolute 260 days here for me :)
I will be SO glad2016 when the school term starts ...5 days to go!

Slim, some people are charming aren't they ? Just thoughtless. But that's them, not you and I'm up for your challenge. We were always taught "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all". My "drinking" visitors have gone home now, and as I wasn't drinking they didn't drink as much as they would have usually. They have left an open bottle of red and I told them I'd save it for their next visit, probably Christmas time. I have rammed the cork back in as far as I can and put it in the shed ! My DH said my mum asked him on the sly why I'd stopped, she'd already asked me and I just said I wanted to have a break and see if I can. 3 weeks completed now and feeling good. Teenagers back at school next week, and it will be good to be back to a proper routine again. Stay strong all !

Patchworkchicken throw it away? get OH to drink it if wanted? I would not keep that around me tbh . And I love your name :)

slim that was such a nasty thing to say! its them, not you and yes let the anger and upset go - these emotions feed upon themselves and just breed. Can you tell I have done 140 continuous days of Headspace? It addresses all this kind of shit and is SO helpful ( other meditation/mindfulness packages are available :) )

Second that slim - what a comment like that shows is a total lack of boundaries/empathy on the part of the person doing that.

Personally I never ask (let alone poke ffs) unless someone has explicitly told me they're pregnant. None of my business and I know several people where they looked pg (I'm actually quite good at spotting it) but had miscarried.

On here to quell a pretty vicious craving for a drink. DH just home after a week away. Wine witch is saying 'just one, you're not drinking alone, he's here'

Hand hold anyone?

Well done all on your milestones, you are awesome xxxx

LizzyT don't go there, you don't need to ! Plan something lovely for tomorrow morning with DH instead as you'll have a lovely clear head. A nice walk / pancakes for breakfast / breakfast in bed...or all 3 !

Glad. Thanks, good call. DH wondered where it had gone and liberated it from the shed. He is now quaffing it, on the other sofa, the bottle is now on the kitchen table. I'm happy with my lime and soda and have asked him to hide the wine if there's any left later on. But he'll probably finish it off.

Have a good weekend everyone.

Hi all.

Tough day today. I haven't been well and I'm really feeling the things piling up on me that I should have been doing while I was ill. Quite a lot of crap getting me down.

I seriously thought about wine earlier, but the tape-forward thing did for the notion. There have been quite a few nights where I've felt overwhelmed with work, sacked off my Friday hobby, and holed up with a bottle of wine and cracked through it till midnight. It seemed like a good idea to do that today but then I thought: how will I feel tomorrow? (crap.) Will it lead to escalating daily wine? (yes.) How will that feel, especially while in a fragile physical and emotional state? (basically devastatingly destructive.) Anyway, if I'm too tired and ill to work without propping myself up with chemicals, shouldn't I take the night off? (yes.... but I am struggling to make my peace with how little work I have done this week)

And of course, I did think of all of you.

So here I am with a cup of tea wondering what delights iplayer can offer me. Phew.

good luck for Friday night, sober warriors x

Hope you're feeling okay today slim. Whatever size or shape you are, that woman had no right at all to poke you. Silly silly mare. I bet she's at home mortified.

Glad tell me more about Headspace. I am on day 8 and finding it more and more difficult to sit still. My back hurts, my neck hurts. I am going yoga so I think this will help eventually, but it is really becoming an obstacle. Any tips?