Dry 14

[glad2016]

This is the thread for all those who are living, or committed to living, life free from alcohol.
Go sober warriors !

Omg, I've had it with the holidays already. Am sick of the arguing and having to drag them with me everywhere. The age gap between mine is 4 years and nothing satisfies them both so someone is always moaning. DS1 (9) is constantly on a device (tablet, ds, pc or telly) and I have to enforce that he does something else but then he just torments DS2.
There is very little to do in the town we live in and I don't have the car during the day so they are bored and so am I.

I feel dragged down and miserable and like a rubbish mother. I would love to drink. Am not going to because then it would be worse but I would really, really love to escape.

jojomo mine have a five year age gap and I know just what you mean - it is WEARYING, isn't it? We've found there are a few things they play nicely together:

1. making treasure maps - younger one draws, older ones writes and labels the map
2. lego
3. dolls - ken and barbie knock offs: they pose them in daft positions and take pictures of them and make little films using an app on the iPad.
4. gardening - collecting up bits of rubbish, raking etc.

Any of those sound any good to you?

sybil happy day one to you. I think hadron is on day 2 now after a restart so maybe you'll be buddies?

efc1878 I think you're totally right - everything feels much sharper, and I am realising that the problems and feelings I hid from inside the bottle are still there and now I have to deal with them. NO idea how, but I am exhausted tonight so bath, herbal tea, bed and book.

A bit feverish again. I'm fine but knackered during the day, and in the late afternoon / evening I get a bit hot and clammy and generally run down and blue feeling. I am going to make a GP's appointment. Am secretly quite scared my liver is fucked.

P.S Day 50 for me! 60 is my goal - going to get myself a new plant for my garden at the end of every sober month from now on.

Evening ladies. How are you feeling today onewhite ? It sounds as if you might be experiencing PAWS. For me it feels like a low level bug. It comes and goes and sometimes lasts a few days.

jojo I know exactly what you mean about the hols. My two are always niggling at each other.

Yes that is the link to Lily's blog. I think Lucy might be on her holiday in Australia- I think she was planning a big trip to celebrate 1000 days.

All OK here. Up and down. My blog is sothisissober.com if anyone fancies a look.

X

Still sober and still here

Regarding the general rundownness that people are experiencing remember that every cell in your body has been affected by alcohol and your body is re-calibrating enzymes and hormones that adjusted over a period of years to having alcohol in your system. Some hormones such as serotonin are delicately balanced and will take some time to re-adjust to the new clean you. It will pass but it won't be overnight.. It will pass, however - just be kind to yourself, don't overdo it and realise that feeling discombobulated at times is part of the process of recovery xx

Ooh, the app to make little films sounds like a great idea onewhite thank-you!!

Am so glad I'm going to bed sober. I know I'm struggling a bit at the moment but the fear of having to parent my boys for hours on end with a hangover is also making me quite strong. I can fight the wine witch better than I thought. A positive thought.

Hello - have been lurking for ages! Just not brave enough to post.
Onewhite. I am day 50 today too! I could tell, as I dipped in and out over the weeks, you and I were at a similar stage but not the actual same! Happy 50th to us both!
I guess I have delurked as I recognise I need some support. I thought that stopping drinking would make me happier and less anxious and I was wrong. Yes it's great not to have the shame, self loathing and ...fear but having to deal with other negative feelings without being able to drink them away is really hard. I feel often depressed and even desperate sometimes.
On the bright side - though I have given up countless times, this time feels for real and it is my intention to never drink again. I am not sure I ever thought that before. However bad I feel - I don't feel tempted to actually drink but I do yearn to escape the feelings...it passes.

I'm still here folks. Been busy, been blogging, www.alcoholfree2016.com, not drinking. Day 138 today,

Sorry not to catch up with all, but pillow your post on the realisation of how hard it is to BE sober really struck me. It s hard, not every day, but sometimes I really struggle with al the emotions I can neither forget because I'm drunk, nor effectively deal with. That's why I'm blogging really, to try and find a way through this.

Well done all ! This is such a positive thread, I'm so impressed with all the increasing numbers !

Hello pimpernella 😀 50 days for you and for onewhite too.

Also and for those that need them, looking after their children, feeling poorly etc.

I did some interesting reading which very much picked up what louiseaa said about longer term adjustments to brain chemistry causing low mood and feeling groggy but that is a stage and does pass. And I've certainly found that the positive things were so, so worth it - both mentally and physically. Even after a small lapse I'm back to being utterly exhausted and have a working theory it's to do with mucking up REM sleep again.

Day 2.

Well folks, I'm off to rehab for 28 days.

I'm bitterly ashamed that I couldn't do this alone or with the support of AA. I just bounce straight from the rooms to the bar though. Last night was another rock bottom, apparently it is serious enough to require medical detox now.

Best of luck to all of you and, well, what can I say - I hope I have some good news from the other side.

R.

Best wishes Riviera and see you when you return

No shame Riviera, it will waste your energy - just focus on getting well, we are all rooting for you.

one white you have saved me today! Boys loved making lego films on the lego movie maker app, you are a genius, thank-you!

riviera sending you support as you enter rehab.

pimpernell welcome great start.

vxa2 just read up to date on your blog, great insight as always. Struck me when you blog about your daughter. One of my main aims in being sober is not normalising drinking in front of my children. I remember going to a funeral at 17 and family members giving me glass after glass of wine. I was so ill. I too have never had a good relationship with drink, but so many family members do too and with devastating results.

lily I'll look forward to reading your blog later.

Spent beautiful day inside writing funding bids and doing accounts. :( Have a headache. Off to drink chilled Ambar lager (0 %) on the patio - very nice - much nicer than Becks Blue!

vxa and lily I caught up with your blogs today :) Very good reads both and very honest and thought provoking.

I had a wobble last week - didn't drink but came close - thinking about why I felt like that - I had dropped the sober homework and reading sober blogs and treating myself - so I got back onto all that pronto and had a catch up of all I had missed in a week of being less caring for myself due to silly busyness.

I blog, have done for years, but can't link as would out myself. Maybe I will start a sober blog? I have kept a very detailed journal for the last 2 years so have lots and lots of material ...

So I've not posted for ages, however am now 7 months sober. I had a major wobble today.. came very close to drinking, I was missing it anyway - bored of all the soft drinks and craving an adult drink, then I spoke to my sister - we haven't spoke for over a year.. it was so upsetting all I wanted to do was drink.. but I didn't.. thank god and managed to fend off the craving with a takeaway.
At least I know my triggers now and my family are a strong one.

miss join me in being so glad we found our triggers, before we drank to avoid them :) Well done :)

Erm. We did not drink as we avoided them. Is what I meant to post!

Thanks glad I woke up this morning having not given in and felt so relieved. Can't believe how close I came.

Bloody hell my husbands is drinking red wine now - feel I have no escape even in my own home

still sober and still here, and still run down and blue. I think it's either PAWS or my system recalibrating (I think what you said sybil and lousisaaa makes LOADS of sense) or its even both. I'm exhausted. Booze won't make it better so I am staying away. Need to look at my diet a bit, I think. Haven't been eating great, or enough, recently.

riveria you're so brave. I admire you, doing what you need to do to kick this. Can you post from your rehab? If you can, let us know how you are getting on. We will be waiting for you when you come back.

misscookie I feel the same sometimes. DH is not a big drinker but some nights when he has a glass or two after the kids are in bed, I have to leave the room.

glad I keep a journal too. Not thought about blogging, but I would read yours if you started one. They've been really helpful to me when this thread has been quiet or if I worry about posting too much.

jojomo glad the idea worked for you! How have the kids been today? Ours are making a marble run together at the moment - it's made a massive mess, but has kept them working together and playing nicely for a bit.

lilybetsy I'm glad it isn't just me. I think I need to be doing something more positive - just not drinking doesn't feel like enough - I feel like I need to make some other change to replace drinking and deal with emotions in a healthier way. But I am so unmotivated right now.

pimpernell how are you doing and what's your story? Shall we be buddies? It's so good to know there's someone else at the same stage as me. I still feel so much like a beginner and I didn't expect it still to be hard at this stage.

Hope everyone is well and keeping off the sauce. x

Morning all, just checking in. I'm on holiday, but still sober! Having a lovely time and def having more time to just be with the kids. Who knew camping with 3 kids could be so much fun!

Day 75. Today, I'm not drinking, and life feels so much better than it did 2 weeks ago.

Sorry not to name check, am on a phone.

KOKO sober warrior

Best wishes riveria. It could be any one of us in rehab. See you on the other side. I'd love to know what happens so please post if you feel strong enough.

Thanks to everyone writing blogs they have helped so much. It's like a light has just switched on for me - drinking wasn't causing my problems just masking them, so now I have to deal with them (while feeling like shit).
Stay strong everyone in the school holiday hell. I sometimes feel like everyone else is enjoying their kids while mine are driving me insane. I'm better at the bedtime routine when sober.

Just to second what Hadron said .....it's incredibly helpful and supportive to share in this way. I'm in the course of the soberest holiday I've had in around 6 years - sleeping better, feeling fresh and most importantly not constantly thinking about when I can have the next drink.

Does mean I am constantly thinking about the decision to go AF, and what it means. Recognising that the short dry periods I've chosen to have in the last few years haven't reset the pattern and that I was frequently drinking on my own and my tolerance for alcohol was creeping up and up. Thinking about what it means for my kids to see me drinking wine every evening.

I like the idea of sober homework though. Makes sense.

Yes let's onepillow
My story - gosh...hard to decide what level of detail to use! Have drunk heavily for more than 20 years, realised that no system of cutting down or limiting quantities in any way was going to work maybe a couple if years ago so stopped bothering. By Christmas (drinking more than a bottle a night weekdays - more at the weekend as starting earlier) my mental health was in a terrible state. I did manage to cut down for a couple of months in the new year but it crept up again. 50 something days ago I gave up for ever. Not drinking isn't a problem really...it's the living that is hard. I thought I would be happy. I thought it would fix my anxiety. I do all the things recommended on here- thanks- following blogs, reading sober books and it really does help. But I feel downhearted to hear that it is still so hard for people further along than me...to hear that some relapse or feel close to it. It makes me worry that I am not as safe as I think...
I too am not eating well and feel exhausted.
We go on holiday soon...I feel fairly confident about that since I have so many bad memories of holidays which would have been better without alcohol.
I want to feel better mentally. I thought it was the alcohol but now I feel I will never be well.
Sorry for being negative. In spite of what I've said here - not drinking is so good I still want to do it for ever!

pimpernella 50 days is still very newly sober and it takes longer for the habit to start to really stick. You are doing SO well, just KOKO and trust it WILL get better. Also, PAWS can strike up to 2 years after giving up, it gets less bad as time passes but something to be aware of.
xxx