Dry 14

[glad2016]

This is the thread for all those who are living, or committed to living, life free from alcohol.
Go sober warriors !

upyer it's the same for me with the wine events. I just say I am driving, or that I plan to do some work after the drinks party and want to keep a clear head. It's been mainly okay so far.

pimp I found this last night, and it was really useful for me so I thought it might be for you, what with you being at the same stage:

www.livingsober.org.nz/when-sober-gets-old-guest-post/

Up early today because I want to get a walk in before I go to work. My body has been feeling so stiff and sore recently. I think I need to do more exercise!

Hello to everybody in the early days and welcome!

x

Sunny my flash point is the same as yours, 6pm. I do work 2 days a week but feel this isn't valued highly by DH as I'm not full time. It's very demanding looking after children all day especially somekne else's. Distraction is key I think. Playing a game with the children is a great idea. Put some washing on, make a cup of tea, 5 minute chunks of time until the urge passes. Look after yourself x can you think of a great for aftr the kids bedtime? Hot bath, New book to read, paint nails, etc?

Good to check back in and see so many women joining. I've kept sober but as others have said the mask of alcohol is slipping and I'm having to face up to very unpalatable truths about my relationship and life in general. There's nothing to hide behind and I feel raw and exposed.

On a lighter note I saw a bit more interest in 'life after life'. I started reading it earlier this year but didn't get past the first chapter.

strongtea that's where I am at now.

Does anyone have any tips for dealing with feelings? I really really struggled last night - and it was because I was angry at DH. It's not a LTB situation - he was rude and shitty to me, because he's tired, but he refuses, point blank, EVER to apologise for anything and that makes so angry. When I ask him about it, he says I've done much worse to him (true, and have repeatedly and sincerely apologised for how I behaved when I was sick, and sought treatment, and am working on myself) so he feels so need to say sorry. I think we rub along okay most of the them, then now and again something happens that demonstrates to me he's got this massive undercurrent of resentment towards me. I feel really really angry about it - worse last night - and really struggled not to drink. In the end I just went to bed early.

So at least I know that anger is one of my trigger points.

Just checking in. Day 12 for me. Reading some of these posts makes me feel a bit of a wimp ! Many of you have such difficult things to deal with in life and I don't have anything to complain about really. And no reason to justify (to myself) drinking too much. Just the day to day stuff that life throws at everybody. I really admire you all and your inner strength to stand up and say no to alcohol. My new best friend is ginger and lemongrass cordial with fizzy water. I feel much brighter in the mornings, love the no guilt, but am still a bit creaky in my bones....probably my age, I think I'm getting menopausal.... grrreat ! Hope the AF novelty doesn't wear off. Stay strong and positive everyone, we can do it ,

Hi one white...how are you today?
He's feelings are running high, both of you have intense feelings. Your just not in the same place and it's like banging two sticks of dynamite together...in time the feelings will even out. . With sobriety will come emotional security...you ll have a truer sense of where you are and he ll start to feel secure and relaxation will come.
Anger is ok but you might not be angry about what you think your angry about. Does that make sense?
It's a time thing and it's so hard.
I headed off to bed myself and slept 11 hrs...woke up feeling great and came downstairs and realised it's the same hum drum. ..same old same old and that's crap. ..but I'm not the same and today is day 2 and I'm on the way. And the hum drum will just have to work around me for a while till I find my way.

I made it to 100 days!

loving the song Tattoos - I need to get more singing along while cleaning songs, and that's a great start...

hugs to those that need them - and it sounds like lots of us do!

It's great to see so many people on this thread. I know I clung to it like made in the first few weeks, and return when things are difficult - but at only 100 days (which I know is not at all established sobriety, and I know I need to work a lot to keep this sober shit going) - I don't really think that much about alcohol - maybe every 3 days or so, I get a pang of sadness that I'll never be able to drink again.

I know that, in the case of an approaching apocolypse, I'd probably just think fuck it and drink (so I'm still in the currently never again, but I can't promise that won't change camp)

Good things about being sober:

My head is free from thinking about alocohol (have I drunk too much? do I have enough in for tonight? should I have another drink now? if I fill my glass up, will people notice? etc etc)- the bloody boring thoughts about drinking. What's really shocking is how quickly those thoughts faded once I'd committed to not drinking again.

My skin is definely better, and my face is much less puffy (shallow twirl)

I've had more fun with my kids, and really loved these summer holidays

I've had more time to clean my house,

My new 'saturday lie-in' time is 10am - which feels much more luxurious than the 12 o'clock lie-in's I often had when drinking!

I've realised that I'm actually ambitious, and want promotions at work, which I've started to aim towards.

Bad things about sobreity:

It's made me realise that I need to work on friendships outside of my kids and my partner (so I'm not lonely, which is a trigger)

It's made me realise that I'm not sure my partner is really a partner (I'm thinking that maybe we were just drinking buddies)

It hasn't magically fixed my weight, my relative poverty, or made me the proper grown up that can achieve life goals effortlessly.

Obviously, these things aren't really 'problems with sobriety' - they're just the problems that I used alcohol to mask.

Life is better sober - KOKO everyone!

Everyone's doing so well

Have you tried couples counselling about it pillow? Any chance of sitting down together some time, not in the moment of a tiff but in a calm situation and talking about it. I've had a hard time letting something go with a past resentment I used to throw up but learnt it was only harming myself and you can only punish someone so much for past mistakes they have apologised for. It's not fair to hang it over someone indefinitely, you have to draw a line.

Anger would be a big trigger of mine. I'm pretty quick tempered as well, a lot learned from my dm growing up but I've been dealing with that. I now remove myself from the situation if I can, take a deep breath and think to myself in the grand scheme of things will this matter? If it does, I try to work through it, if not let it pass by. Write it down, blast the earphones while doing some housework, exercise it off, do something calming and relaxing like trying to wipe out humanity in the plague game

Morning sunnyshowers - it's our day two! I woke up feeling a lot more positive today too - its horrible when things pile up. Turns out my son was not to blame for the school thing... so all is good there. And a good nights sleep with no 3am weeing and gulping of water doesn't do any harm... I know what you mean about the relentlessness of the day to day life - it can grind you down, just the mundane repetitiveness of it all. I think that's why drinking is so seductive - it offers a change of pace and a new lens on life. Without it we have to face up to the reality that life isn't like we once dreamed. For me, that's the hard part...

Crosspost finnish, 100 days is absolutely marvellous. Huge well done to you. I hope you have a lovely sober treat for yourself planned?

Love your post and that you have the clarity to see alcohol doesn't fix those bad things, they were there anyway, we were just hiding from them. Loneliness is also a big thing of mine (single parent, hard to get time to keep up friendships like I used to), being sober last year gave me more time to do it and a little bit more confidence to meet new people. Still not where I'd like it to be but it is what it is with my kids being so little.

Yaay Finnish 100 days!!! wise words too.
Thanks Pillow for the link. I will look at it later. We got back from holiday in the early hours. Now there is REALLY nothing to look forward too!
Welcome all the new people. One day after another - they keep adding up. It isn't easy but it's not as shit as ruining your life with drink.

Well done finish! !! That's amazing. ..still v positive here. Posting here is great

Congratulations finnish 100 days is brilliant

Welcome to all the newbies. Crikey the Board is really buzzing

Well done Finnish :) day 3 and I don't really want a drink this evening. Going for a swim instead. Good day overall. Sending good vibes to all xx

Congratulations Finnish what a massive achievement! I bet your skin is glowing .

I finally made it to an AA meeting for the first time.

What was it like strongtea?

Everyone was really welcoming. I struggle with the God/higher power aspect of it tbh despite them saying the higher power can be anything you want.

People were so upbeat and I did my 4 minutes worth but still couldn't bring myself to say 'I'm an alcoholic'. We went for a coffee afterwards.

Congratulations finnish you are amazing !!

And a big well done to you too strongtea - I admire you going to a group in real life. Did it help and do you think you'll go again ?

Day 10 here and all is good.

I've decided if I can get to 30 days I'm going to treat myself to a new perfume which I've been after for ages as a reward. It's £36 and which is way less than I'd have spent in booze during that time

I'm not sure why but our holiday seems to have made it all harder again.
It might be that we had to see people drinking all the time which we really didn't see much day to day in normal life or it could it be that we tried alcohol free beer for the first time in order to feel like we were not missing out so much. Would it set off a cycle of cravings again - it's certainly why we avoided doing the mock alcohol until now...

Yes, I hope to go again. The perfume treat sounds lovely. I want to lose weight but all my treats seem to be food related!

Keep strong pimpernella if you could do a summer holiday you can keep going.

Pimpernella I'm also on holiday. Trying to focus on having a healing retreat sort of restful break (sounds a bit wanky written down). Swimming lengths every day helps. Also noticing how much others are drinking, are they enjoying it or feeling they need it? Find myself wondering this. I do really really want a decent cup of earl grey tea which is not possible here, it appears! I had tea rage at breakfast

Well done Strong, I've been to a few in the past not recently but I certainly wouldn't rule it out if I felt like it. Being an atheist I also struggle with the higher power thing but your higher power can be anything, even the group itself. A few other things I don't agree with but it's comforting to be around those that have been there, done that and understand what you're going through.

Perfume is a great treat Yellow

Pimpernella, I've found it harder than the holiday itself. I suppose being at home with all the usual stresses and reminders around me?

Struggling here tonight. Family get together at a relatives so have no control over availability of alcohol. No real idea why I feel tempted but off to sit in corner of garden away from them all with phone, re visit sober blogs, give myself some tlc with nice cordial and food and try go to bed early. Think it might be because I have stopped putting myself ( and therefore my sobriety tools!) first. Wake up call not to get over busy and stretched or too complacent (these have been my downfall from long stretches of sobriety in the past)
hand hold, anyone?

Hang on in there glad.

I feel for you - went to just such a party on Sunday. Do you have any control over how long you stay - might help if you can absent yourself early.

KOKO

Be strong glad - can you take yourself home ? Be kind to yourself - it's a huge deal being at that sort of party sober and the fact you can recognise and resist temptation is an achievement in itself.

How many days are you on ? Another couple of hours and you'll be able to add another one