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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dry 14

999 replies

glad2016 · 21/07/2016 13:50

This is the thread for all those who are living, or committed to living, life free from alcohol.
Go sober warriors !

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lizzytee · 23/08/2016 21:02

Many congrats Finnish on 100 days. Huge well done and thanks for holding my hand along the way.

A huge well done Strong on an important step.

Patchwork if you need the support this thread offers, you get it. That's my experience.

tattoosandteadresses · 23/08/2016 21:13

Hand offered here too glad. Third to nip off early if you can.

Pimpernella · 23/08/2016 21:17

Thank you one pillow. That link was really good. This really resonated with me:
"When we’re drinking, we get stuck in ruts that support our bad habits, we don’t expect much of ourselves, and we make sure other people don’t expect much of us either. We spend the bulk of our time and money and energy on this limited life. "
When I next feel life is dull I will try to remember the truth of how limited my life was. I don't think I have yet of the opportunities my sober life offers. It's still too hard getting through it I think and though I do have more time and money I don't seem to use it productively ( do spend the money but I don't know what on particularly Hmm)
How is it going Glad?

MaudlinNamechange · 23/08/2016 21:57

Hi glad. Hope you are ok. Sometimes these family things are just too much, you are so wise to pause and regroup.

Something clicked for me today. I'm on the 5th day of this initial detox phase of the mad diet. It's been so hard. Today it is just so better, but so so so so much better. It's not just the withdrawals (caffeine, sugar, starch) have gone, but I'm "re set" to a far better place than before. Just a bigger interest in life, quicker sense of humour, more energy, not tired and hungry ALL THE GODDAMN TIME - it's lovely. I feel so much more playful than I have done in years - probably since the last time I did this! It makes me realise that for me there is a genuinely physical problem with craving things that are bad for me (not just alcohol, but alcohol is totally a huge part of it), and the craving can be fed by feeding it, and it turns into addictive or quasi addictive behaviours - and addicts are miserable because they Never Have Enough. they are never safe, even when they have just had a fix or are having one right now. they know they are dependent and they are always looking for supplies.

I know the conventional advice is do one thing at a time, and start with alcohol, but I am so glad I did this (even though over the weekend I felt as bad - as nauseous - as I did when pregnant, at times) because I feel like the cravings were always going to return when they were being partially fed - the sugar and the bread and the crisps and etc etc were in the same family as the alcohol cravings and I can't completely sign off unless I completely sign off.

Sorry to be a tedious health bore. I am still fat and lumpy! I just wanted to share in case that helps anyone. and if it doesn't - ignore me of course.

I am still very much at risk of social and anxiety cravings of course, even if for once I have shut my fat greedy body up for 5 minutes.

I hope you are all ok, there is a lot of inspiriting stuff and great wisdom on this thread.

tattoosandteadresses · 23/08/2016 22:20

Whay detox is it Maudlin? I know you posted it before but can't remember. I could do with something as I'm a huge sugar and caffeine addict. Don't know the meaning of moderation me Wink Am trying to stop smoking atm, first day done today and don't want to get into the habit of compensating with sugar like last time, well over a stone I put on.

glad2016 · 23/08/2016 22:29

Today is Day 250 for me (this time around) No idea where the craving came from but suspect it is because I have been crazy busy for last six months and have recently ( in last two months, since dig/camp overseas ) rather let sober tool kit self care and sober homework (blog reading, journal and meditation daily ) lapse due to lack of signal
so I KNOW that is why I feel like this. Went home early and now in bed in pj's with herb tea and MN and Netflix. KOKO sober warriors :) And thanks for the hand hold :)

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glad2016 · 23/08/2016 22:32

maudlin if this is THD I have done it and am 2 years in :) PM me for more details ( not going to post here) but yes alcohol is just another source of sugar on it and yy to feeling SO MUCH BETTER :)

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YellowLambBanana · 23/08/2016 22:54

Well done glad on both your 250 days and making it through tonight !! Glad you managed to escape early. Enjoy the herbal tea Halo Brew

MaudlinNamechange · 23/08/2016 22:55

yes it is! tattoos - it is called the Harcombe diet and it is only the first 5 days that act as a big detox. I don't want to derail because I think people banging on about all kinds of healthy stuff can be guilt inducing and triggering and I think people just need to do what suits them. I'm just mentioning it as something I've found that suits me better than what I was doing before! I am not in any way a health freak.

AbsoluteBeginner · 23/08/2016 22:58

Hello lovelies it is great to return to this fab thread and find lots of new people and positive vibes. Haven't posted for ages but I still get such a lot of strength and comfort reading the posts. Finnish well done on yr 100 day milestone and ditto glad for 250. I'm on 230 something, so not far behind you. It definitely gets easier

glad2016 · 23/08/2016 23:05

Herb tea is Roobush and honey :) Lovely :)

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tattoosandteadresses · 23/08/2016 23:17

Thanks Maudlin, I'll have a quick nose at it. Don't want to diet but could with doing something as a kickstart to eating better and making healthier food choices.

glad2016 · 23/08/2016 23:51

Tattoos I have posted before about it. I have lost many many stones and regained good health on it

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tattoosandteadresses · 24/08/2016 01:25

I vaguely remember you posting about it now glad and lucy did giving up sugar I think? Well done for losing a serious amount of weight and improving health, sounds like you've made a real lifetsyle change.

Looks interesting, more making better food choices than an actual diet. Not sure I'd be able to keep something like that up. I did that small changes thread for a while at the start of the year and struggled with the food ones. Two children, one of them uber fussy meant cooking different things and I ran out of motivation quickly. I do feel miles better when I eat better though.

onewhitepillowleft · 24/08/2016 07:04

Hi everyone

Finnish congratulations on 100 days. That is AMAZING. I remember how kind you were to me when I first joined and I am so so so pleased for you. Loved your post - really reflective and loads of food for thought.

Glad how are you? So glad that you didn't give in at that party and have identified the triggers and what led up to them. And it's so kind to share it here, because the rest of us have a bit more information about things to look out for too.

Maudlin that diet sounds amazing. I've stopped smoking (I started again as soon as I stopped drinking - I was craving so much I thought fags were better than booze) and now I've stopped smoking (a week) I have been craving sugar. I don't know what it is about my body that is always WANTING something. I don't like it. Do you think a detox like this will help? Which toxins does it get rid of?

pimp Glad you liked that post. It rang a lot of bells for me - I don't just have to stop drinking, I have to build a life that doesn't have room in it for drinking. I think I'll have a 'fuck it' moment and get pissed one day if my life isn't too full and interesting and fulfilling enough to risk fucking up with a bender. So that is what I have to do next. Still going slowly and taking it easy though - I feel very fragile in being sober right now.

sunnyshowers and strongtea thank you for your advice about anger. I think I do need a better way of dealing with it - I didn't drink, but I did just lie in bed and stew about it, and I hate that. I hate being angry - I feel out of control and very distressed very easily (not violent, just very very upset) and I don't really know how to soothe myself or make it better. I am going to try loud music and housework - it certainly won't do any harm.

I have suggested counselling to DH and he says yes so we are going to make an appointment. I HATE the dynamic that we're in - that I'm the one who is fragile or sick or unreliable or incompetent in some way, and he's the one who is capable and reliable and 'the rock'. He did look after me while I was ill and I will never stop being grateful for that. He also put up with a LOT of pathetic behaviour from me when I was drinking. But I'm not useless. I bring in all the money and do a responsible job well. And my opinions about things count, and I do deserve respect. I think he doesn't see me as an equal, but a liability to be looked after. I want to change that. I hope we can.

I have to be away for the next few days for work. Don't worry if you don't hear from me: I will not be drunk. I promise.

Where is choc? How are you doing?

riveria if you ever read here, I still think about you and wonder how you're getting along. Even if you are drinking, you can come and post here and there's no judgement from me.

Pimpernella · 24/08/2016 07:23

Hi Maudlin.
I'm dieting and sobering at the same time too. It works for me.
I had lost two and a half stone in 18 weeks before my holiday. (bit of work needed there)Blush
I am sort of doing 5:2 but it has really progressed to not really eating much. I don't think it is particularly healthy for me mentally but I kind of feel I will carry on until I am thin then worry about my food and control issues.
Glad you are OK Glad.
Shall we look at Life after Life for sober book club and try harder to get one suited to everyone next time? I've bought a copy.
I don't actually know what happens in a book club. I have always wanted to go to one but I avoid all social occasions because of the crippling anxiety about whether I was embarrassing afterwards.Or...just had a thought...sober mummy recommended a book the other day. It must be fairly new as it was 7.99 so I didn't bother...thought I would wait. It was fiction about a teenage drinker. Maybe fewer of us would have read it. What do you think?

Pimpernella · 24/08/2016 07:27

It was called Nina is Not Ok.

YellowLambBanana · 24/08/2016 07:54

pimp sounds good. I've ordered life after life too - it should arrive on Friday so happy to start with that one

Good morning everyone - the sun is shining (here at the moment anyway!) have a lovely sober day ! Smile

tattoosandteadresses · 24/08/2016 08:47

I hope the counselling is beneficial to you both pillow

Life after life if good with me, I have it downloaded anyway but never got past the first chapter. It thought by that decsription I had already read that one Pimp but checked my kindle and it's 'My name is' by Alastair Campbell I have (also good)

Lilybensmum1 · 24/08/2016 08:57

Morning everyone day 11 for me and feeling positive. one I have been through some difficult times with my DH and I honestly thought we were going to separate, I had some counselling and we had some tough talks and lots of tears but we are stronger than ever. I'm glad you are seeking help don't feel guilty marriage is a partnership and it's a two way street, I put my DH through some tough times and feel guilty still.

I don't know if you read my previous post but my counseller tried to get me to see life one day at a time he said, you only have this moment not yesterday and not yet tomorrow so live now, I think basically it's about trying to accept your mistakes and live them where they are and move forward in life.

Well done to all the warriors who are at 100 + days that is amazing! Regards dieting mine seems to have gone off track somewhat I literally can't get enough choc in my mouth but, I will deal with one thing at a time I don't feel guilty which is amazing for me.

Also can I recommend clipper sleep easy tea it's lovely and honesty it does help me sleep well, tesco have it on special offer at the moment.
Regarding the book club are we meant to be life after life? If you don't mind me joining.
Have a great day everyone I'm going to try and get some sleep as just finished a night shift.

Lilybensmum1 · 24/08/2016 08:59

Sorry about the typos I've not slept since yesterday morning and have my DC to entertain.

glad2016 · 24/08/2016 17:09

Hi all

Have we started a sober book club? I missed that?

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Pimpernella · 24/08/2016 17:33

We have not really started but I think we have decided on Life After Life. Shall we say we will start reading it next week? What should we do then?Grin

glad2016 · 24/08/2016 18:24

Which one? Kate Atkinson novel, or Raymond A. Moody text book?

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StrongTeaHotShower · 24/08/2016 18:27

Hi everyone,

Hope your enjoying or coping in the heat.

onewhite your post on this page rang a lot of bells with me. The behaviour he put up with was a symptom of your illness and now your are doing everything you can to get well. You shouldn't be bearing so much guilt and he shouldn't define you by past actions if you're actively changing your future. I drank to drown out lots of anger and sadness, frustration in our relationship and I'm really struggling without it at those times tbh.

pimp dieting and sobering at the same time. I think sugar and stodge is all that keeping me going but if really love to lose a stone or two. The bloating round my middle is going down a little.

I'd love to start life after life next week. I've realised it was in the back of my orchid photo I posted on here a couple of weeks ago!!! Subliminal book messaging maybe Grin

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