Dry 14

[glad2016]

This is the thread for all those who are living, or committed to living, life free from alcohol.
Go sober warriors !

Hi sunny yes you can do this but you do need plans and strategies to get you through the tough bits, I like many on here can probably identify with many parts of your life, for me it was work, kids dh's long term health condition. I felt I was juggling everything but along the way had lost myself and to a certain extent was not present in my own life I was on auto pilot and when DH mum suddenly died that was a massive trigger for me.

I tried to moderate my drinking but couldn't so for now I'm saying no alcohol at all the reason I say for now is I take each day, day by day and reward myself in different ways. I have taken to eating lots of choc, herbal tea and alcohol free beer and wine. Apart from the choc I never would have dreamt of drinking herbal tea and af beer but I now look forward to it.

For me I was treated or am being treated for depression and anxiety I underwent counselling and assumed my alcohol problem would disappear well it didn't, so I joined this thread and it has been best support I could imagine, I'm 9 days sober today and for me that is huge and on the school holidays!!

I have Jason Vales book which is fab I know my trigger points and have adjusted things to cope. If you read these threads you will find lots of ways to modify your behaviour and cope with this massive challenge.

You can do this but take it easy on yourself we all slip up but you pick yourself up and start again. Good luck it's an amazing feeling to wake up sober without the guilt and anxiety . I would say though at the moment I often wake feeling tired and with a headache but that seems to be the norm. Stay in touch and let us know how you go.

Also sunny I am more than familiar with the feeling of hating myself, however that changes when you stop drinking, I feel so positive and happy now and my DH and DC have noticed. My anti depressants can now work without competing the the rose I was downing almost daily. I too was scared but a couple of days in I became more scared of the consequences of continuing to drink rather than never drinking again.

Thanks lily...I'm always a glass half full person but I'm so so fed up of minding everyone else and no one thinking of me. ..its day when I'm not even thinking of myself. I'm so lucky so theres no reason for me to feel awful. I've a lovely home, dh and amazing kids. ..I just feel totally overwhelmed by the demands and I can't cope. Id love if I could get out for a walk with my earphones on and music blaring but I have to take the kids everywhere.

Its or of control the past week because I told my sister I wanted to go back to work. I mind her 1yr old while she works. I ve given her 12 months notice but our mother was disgusted with me. ..my time isn't valued the same as everyone else. (Ironically I'd the highest level job before I gave up to raise my kids to school age..not a competition but being at home is far harder than being in work)
But my kids are older and I'm back at a toddler stage. ..tantrums and mess everywhere and all my kids toys taken to their rooms (she eats everything...recipe for disaster) I love my niece but I am not enjoying this at all. ..I just want to forget buggies and take mine up a mountain if I want to. .. I'm not resentful but I am acutely aware that my kids are missing out. ..and so am I.

It was a bad weekend because I was getting the daggers for letting them down. (From my mother not sister or Bil. ..both were v good bit is so far away so fingers crossed they are serious)
I know a job wouldn't change this bit I have a chance to work school hours and have all holidays/mid terms off...so my kids won't even notice im in work bit ill get s chance to talk to adults...use my mind. ..I m so so lonely at home. I could go 4-5 days without an adult conversation. (Excluding school run)

I'm so sorry for the typos I'm on my phone and the predictive text is a bit off. ..course I type like mad and then get a call to action from a child so I don't review. ..and I should sorry.
Your post meant so much thank you. I think of I just run around the house at 5/6 it'll help. ..
I need to think of a few things to do. ..I know if I challenge the kids to a dance off on the ps4 it would help. ..no point in doing a soothing thing..i don't find it easy to relax

Do you know sunny the one thing I have learnt now is us first and bigger everyone else! But seriously I still do things for others but on my terms now it feels amazing and once you get used to saying I can't do this to people it gets easier. If your life is difficult due to others demands you gotta let something go!!

For the last 8 years I have worked nights to accomodate everyone , my counsellor identified this as a trigger for me but I didn't think I could change anything anyway I have from September I start day shifts and I feel like a weight has been lifted. I literally felt I was drowning under what everyone else wanted and I was at the bottom now, I don't feel guilty for going for coffee on my own having a run or a walk on my own because in the long run my whole family benefits from the new me especially me.

You have one life make your rules but find time for others I don't think your being unreasonable to stop looking after your niece, you migh just have to prepare for the fallout. This time last year I was in a mess desperately unhappy and having some awful thoughts if someone had told me how this year would be going I would have said no way and my husbands health is still up and down but I feel I can honestly cope with whatever life throws.

That is why I say one day at a time, forgive your mistakes and accept your flaws tomorrow is another day, none of us know what life holds so all with have is right now not yesterday or tomorrow so don't let anything else shape your life!!

Sorry posted before I previewed hope it makes sense.

It actually does and it's a huge relief to see that in not alone. You make so much sense and you've given me such a boost. .
I'm sorry to hear about your husband. ..that really hit home and is the most stressful thing.
I've been through v tough times with my youngest. ..and almost lost him. So I'm very grateful. ..but your right. We do need to put ourselves first by doing so we're actually putting everyone else first too (if that makes sense. ..they'll reap the rewards) I'm hoping they organise something before the year is out but I'm committed till sept 2017 then I'm out.
I hate drink I hate how it feels and you've made all the difference on day 1...thank you

Hi sunny, welcome. that pressure sounds intense. Listen to LilyBens!

It's ringing really true for me right now. I feel flooded with loneliness and regret about the end of my relationship. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. I literally can't imagine enjoying anything at the moment and I have taken on so much debt to keep the house that I can't throw any money at all at the problem.

Anyway. I am full of different stories all the time about "What went wrong for us" and although they are all different and sometimes not entirely consistent, I think they are all true. Today the dominant story is "I didn't deal with my stress properly, I worked harder than I was really able to and had nothing left for my family and so my partner grew tired of me and left me."

I don't think that contains the whole truth. And it seems a little unjust in the sense that I didn't ask to have to work so hard. (then I get on a trail of self-recriminations about how if I were cleverer or more assertive or better at stuff in general I coudl have organised a better working life, for the same way; or would have stood up to home stress better and been more jolly all the time - whatever I do it all comes back to me being pretty shit)

So do please look after yourself. No one else will. Sorry, but they won't. If you are looking for your sister or your partner or your mum to lift the pressure, well you would know by now if it is was going to happen. So do it for yourself. And, ultimately, for them.

I read this in the loos at the station this morning, sobbing too hard to get to work before I was half an hour late

qz.com/762868/giving-up-alcohol-opened-my-eyes-to-the-infuriating-truth-about-why-women-drink/

"Do you remember the Enjoli perfume commercial from the 1970s? The chick who could bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let you forget you’re a man?
I blame that bitch for a lot. For spreading the notion that women should have a career, keep house, and fuck their husbands, when the only sane thing to do is pick two and outsource the third. "

I feel like I forgot to outsource anything, forgot to do the third thing, and messed everything up.

I don't even feel confident at work. I feel shaky and wobbly and like a failure here too.

Ok. Day 9. Pull it together and do the first thing and don't worry about whether it's enjoyable or not, or the future, or the ridiculous notion of happiness. Just get on with it

Maudlin...your 10000% right. I've always though things work both ways. ..they don't and I shouldn't do so much. ..its a self esteem (lack of thing) ive to take responsibility ..they're not force drink me that's all my doing. ..and it's a choice I make. A bad one but your also v right. ..we are our own worst critics. ..we didn't deal worth this and that we'll enough. ..when really we need to say ..we did our best, might not be our best tomorrow or 4 years ago but our best in that moment of time with the emotional reserves we had.

I cant compare yesterday and today so when you say one day at a time it's the most important piece of advice.
I do wish my husband wold get up 5 mins earlier to make the bed-empty dishwasher and I wish my sister and family didn't depend on me so much but those things have to change on their end. ..all I can do is say no. ..I m not ok with that.
I cried myself stupid on Friday and I told dh I was overwhelmed and even those 2 mins to empty the dishwasher (he does zero around the house and garden) weren't a bif deal to him they were huge to me. ..not in terms of the actual job but a show of consideration. Sure that fell on dea ears but he's insert huge pressure in work and his mum.
Besides is not the bloody dishwasher it's me looking for an excuse to feel hard done by. ...and the cycle starts again.
So I can't wait for tonight. ..I ll get sleep which will be amazing. .. (I hope) and not feel groggy tomorrow. .
I will do this and I will do it myself for myself. . (Crap...I ll need a pulpit for myself if I keep rattling on...sorry)

Argh. Calmness quickly evaporated when kids started stripping and being generally brattish around the pool. DH useless first thing as hungover again so I got them dressed and did breakfast on my own with them but he has recovered a bit now. Had lemonade not wine with lunch. Now siesta time and then my child free swim... yippee!

Stropping not stripping!

Lots of similar feelings on this thread it's tough being a woman and it seems we all drink to relieve whatever pressure is affecting us, but it's the worst thing we can do! we need to be strong and look after ourselves and to do that we need not to drink.

Women are bloody amazing but our own worst enemy, we don't support each other we never put ourselves first or even 3rd or 4 th sometimes we take whatever is left. I know for too long I took on too much but if that's what people think you are capable of they let you get on with it well, I say no more!! Things need to be equal, women are expected to work, care for the kids run the house do whatever our partners require oh and try to keep ourselves tiptop to keep it all going so, what do we do blame ourselves for out inability to juggle 1 million things, care for the kids be there always so as not to let them down and something has to give.

We can do this together!! We can keep each other going. KOKO.

Well said

I've just read through this thread with the usual Monday sick stomach, shaking hands and bleary eyes. Life has to mean more than this... lost weekends, lost friends, lost opportunities to try new things.... and always disaster looming. This has to be my day 1 and I hope that I can join you guys... you sound like a great bunch of real people. Hope I'm not intruding... (guess why I drink!)... I've become a middle aged drunken bore, even to myself. And to my DH and DCs, who deserve better. Just hope I can harness this feeling and use it to remember when I'm a few days down the line and a cold beer is winking at me from the fridge...

Hi fanton. ..We re day 1 buddies.
Its almost 5pm and I'm V resolved. ..by now I'd normally be stressed. I'm v tired but to be fair we d visitors all weekend and a huge party yesterday so that's fair enough. . Another few hours and it'll be bed time and we'll be in day 2...Tom night I've a meeting so that's day 2 done. ..day 3 I'll go for a walk. ....plan to keep myself busy

We have all been there fanton there is life after alcohol in fact it feels like life stops while you are drinking. You can do this and soon you will ignore the winking beer and poke it in the eye!! I'm day 9 didn't think I could get this far I'm under no illusions though, I have to say I have been feeling a bit rough since stopping headaches poor sleep etc but it's worth it.

Hi Fanton and sunnyshowers. I'm on day 2. In hotel room with fridge full of wine, sangria and beer. Not going to drink although have felt the urge. It's upsetting watching DH get gradually plastered. He has been drinking since 12. I haven't said anything as we're on holiday and it's not the time to bring it up. Saving that fun conversation for when we get home.

Hello! Thanks for the replies - I'm definitely not drinking tonight - even though we still have a few cold beers in the fridge... mainly becasue I cant face it. Just had the great news that my son has been kicked out of summer school. He's in his bedroom now, waiting DH return. Of course, my reaction is to wonder what I have done wrong... if I didn't drink would I be a better mother? Only time will tell...

Hi Fanton and sunny.

sunny you sound like you have an incredible amount on your plate. I don't blame you for wanting to do something for yourself now. My youngest starts nursery next week and while I'll be sad to see my baby growing up, a large part of me is feeling relief I love my kids but find the younger years quite monotonous and relentless.

Came across this song today and was singing it as my ode to alcohol whilst cleaning my house, the words made me smile . Quick google told me the singer Matt Skiba gained sobriety.

Quick post before bed. Hope everyone had a quiet and sober evening/night.

Just came in a while ago after watching an amazing sunset, the sky was lit up all pinks, red and oranges and it looked beautiful. I realised I've done that a lot the last week, watching the sunrises and sunsets. There's something so peaceful and centering about taking still moments to myself to really observe the beauty of the world. I haven't done that in months.

Sorry sound totally cheesy and I think it may possibly be a pink cloud period approaching as I'm feeling very emotionally high and positive right now , like everything is starting to slot into place again.

Night all.

Evening all and welcome to fanton and sunny and gotcha well done on starting !!

And a big wave to the fellow day 9-ers.

I've treated myself to a new juice from m&s ready for Friday night. Rock n roll eh?! Got a friend saying who drinks so will be first major test of being in drinking company. I've told her I'm not drinking as running the next day which she's not questioned. I will be keeping busy with juice, crisps and plenty of !

Looking forward to tomorrow - day 10 was my first target to aim for. Next one is 20 days

Night all - check in tomorrow

That sound devine!

I'm happy out. ..not as drop...tg
Hope your all ok

Ok sober book club! I've ordered life after life and the goldfinch. Hopefully they'll be delivered done time this week.

Sorry not to post much but phone having a meltdown (it can't charge and type at the same time apparently)

Koko

Hi all, just checking in. Day 14 for me today and I reckon I'll be ok...until the weekend rears its ugly head...
There's a lot of drinks/wine related events in my job. No idea how I'm going to cope with that. But for right now, I'm not going to worry.
Into bed, book, and rain app on the go in my ears.
We live to fight another day.