Dry 14

[glad2016]

This is the thread for all those who are living, or committed to living, life free from alcohol.
Go sober warriors !

Thank you pimpernella
And yes - same - a bottle of wine is a breeze. Doesn't touch the sides...
Scary to think of 13 bottles (plus whatever else!) lined up.
13 bottles I haven't drunk. 💪🏻
For now anyway.

Yaaay!
That''s the way upyer!

Hi UpYer, haven't seen any of your other threads but welcome aboard and 14 days is great :)

What a conundrum Pimp , exactly the same thoughts would have ran through my head.

It's probably under various different namechanges Strong, I think I've changed my name about ten times on this thread Tried to keep a separate one for here but kept forgetting to change so now I just name change pretty regularly. Gist of it is I really wanted a child but had a horrendous pregnancy, complications for me and baby. Ds born prem, whisked away to NICU. Felt like a total failure as a mother, in my head I couldn't carry him, give birth to him how I wanted or feed him properly. Guilt at was it was my fault? Pnd kicked in.

As he was prem slow development was expected but his seemed even slower than that. I gave up returning to work to care for him. At this stage the resentment started to kick in as ex was still going about his life as normal and I'd had to give up way more. Eventually found out ds has something else going on which was probably causing his issues. Cue years of running every week to something or other -pt, ot, salt, paeds etc.

Needless to say I didn't handle it all very well. This wasn't what I expected when I got pregnant or how I imagined it all to be (stupid really, is it ever?). I felt bitter at how small my life had become, resentful of how I'd had to give up my life while the oh at the time still went out with friends, went to work and I was left shouldering the majority of the responsibilities. Friends drifted away as I coudn't go out and baby groups bored me to tears. I was stressed, our relationship was on its last legs. I felt like I had lost me, now there was this version of me that was left and it's only purpose was to care for this little person. So I drank. Soon as I knew oh was nearly home and he wasn't going out that night, that bottle was opened.

Happy ending is ds doing really well now, has a couple of hurdles in a few years but we will cross that bridge when we come to it and he'll have a strong, clearheaded mum to fight his corner :)

Right off to look at this goodreads list. The handmaids tale on it? It's one of my top ten books.

Ok had a quick look. I've read 12 of them before but am perfectly happy to read them again. Only one I hated is going against the grain with The Book Thief. Favourites out of the ones I have read are Handmaid's Tale, Never let me go, Station Eleven (pattern here, post apocalyptic/dystopian genre I love) and A man called Ove. The girl on the train is pretty apt alcohol wise.

Ones that jump out that I haven't read ; The immortal life of Henrietta Lacks, life after life, the invention of wings and the goldfinch as I've just finished a Donna Tartt book.

I'd like to read Life after Life or The Goldfinch or Girl on the Train. I've read lots of the others and don't fancy many of the ones I haven't read.

A little happy thing for today: I decided to finish out clearing my wardrobe and found a couple of empty wine bottles I'd stashed right at the back. I don't remember doing it. My DH (very reasonably) didn't like me leaving wine bottles in the bedroom for the kids to see when they wandered in in the morning, but by the time I'd finished drinking I'd be too pissed to go down the stairs safely, so I'd tuck them into drawers and things to hide them, then get rid of them when the kids weren't about. How lazy and disgusting is that? I carried them down to the recycling, hung all my clothes up nicely, and felt grateful I am not doing that to myself any more.

My treat today: out for afternoon tea with a friend. I deserve it. I got up early, scrubbed the kitchen, did the ironing, and packed for a break we're having next week. Haven't felt this energetic or organised on a sunday morning for a long time. I think my PAWS has shifted!

Welcome upyer.

And thanks for sharing, tattoos. I think I posted something similar earlier on in DRY13. What triggered my drinking was a terrible, terrible birth (I nearly died) and quite severe PTSD. The baby was fine (and is at school now) but I feel only in the past six months have I been recovered. It is a very very very hard thing to come back from.

But you are doing it, and so am I.

Morning everyone and welcome upyer

Day 8 today. Didn't sleep well at all but managed to get out for long run this morning (something I'd have easily avoided had I had a drink last night) and ran further than I have in months so that was good.

Well up for joining the book club - I'll have a look at the good reads list and check in later.

Have a good day everyone

P m. Oh tattoos what a rough introduction to motherhood. I can't imagine the trauma of prem baby, pnd etc. I found it overwhelming enough with an easy term birth! Sounds like you've overcome so much.

I'd like to read girl on the train. Is it about addiction?
I also like a grim dystopian novel ! Lots of choices.

I honestly can't be arsed with name changing for various threads so will copy you and just namechange when necessary.

for both tattoos and onewhitepillow and anyone else who had a traumatic birth experience.

I think we may all share a tendency to button up, put up and ultimately self medicate to our detriment. I'm trying to learn to deal with my issues in a healthier way and realise I do deserve help and therapy if needed. It's been instilled in me somewhere along the line that such things are self indulgent which brings down my overall feeling of self worth.

Oh and a while back at my mum's I found empty wine bottles in my wardrobe that could have easily been from teenage years or last year. I have no idea but it didn't make me feel great about myself. So clichéd as well!!!

Welcome upyer and morning yellow lamb. Let's get our book club on!

Well done yellow even if I am somewhat jealous of your ability to head out for a run. I really miss it and can't wait until I can get out again. Nothing like a run to clear the head.

The girl on the train is a psychological thriller but quickly becomes apparent one of the main characters is an alcoholic.

pillow it is indeed a hard thing to recover from but we shall do it. I think mothers especially heap so much guilt on their shoulders when it comes to birth and parenting, even when it's things out of their control. So glad your dc is doing well now. Can I ask did you go to therapy for it?

Thanks Strong. I struggled a lot with the difference between the image of how it was meant to be compared to reality. Although my periods of sobriety haven't stuck - yet, every one has given me the headspace for introspection and work through my feelings and emotonal baggage I've been carrying. I know some of my least attractive traits are the fact I'm a bit of a control freak and perfectionist. Strange when you think I wouldn't like being drunk then but that was my escape from it. Life happening that way and being out of my control was terrifying for me. It's something I've worked on a lot the last few years and I've learned to relax and let go to a certain extent.

I've done my mourning (sounds overly dramatic but closest to how I felt) for the pregnancy I didn't have, the baby years I never bonded, the future I had imagined and the less than perfect way I dealt with it all. I have to show myself forgiveness to move forward. Still have my regrets but best thing I can do is learn from them and not repeat the same mistakes over and over again.

Enough waffle Happy sober Sunday everyone

Hello, I am starting on day 1 today. Reading past threads for support. I've been drinking half a bottle to two thirds of a bottle of wine 4 to 5 times a week for a long time (except pregnancies). I'm ready to quit and have tested a few days off recently. My husband drinks far too much. I want to help him quit when he is ready but for now I'm not mentioning my plan to quit myself.
I'm on holiday at the moment, feeling relaxed and don't need wine away from the usual routine of work and looking after my 2 young children alone. Aiming to quit completely one day at a time. I had an anxiety attack last night after 3 glasses of wine which was scary, so am holding that thought as a negative to avoid. Looking forward to feeling better physically and mentally, less grumpy with children, happier mornings. Will pop back every now and again but just wanted to say hi

Another vote for Life after Life - have read many of the others mentioned.
Is there anyone that does not suit?
Happy to go back to drawing board but easier for me to look at what wvetyone has said once I am home rather than on holiday...

welcome and hello gotta

tattoos I did get therapy, and I also took some anti-anxiety meds for about two and a half years. The meds helped more than the therapy, but I also had a brilliant and sympathetic GP. What you say about the guilt really hit home for me. The baby was planned and very very very very much wanted by me - Dh was a little unsure, and I told him everything would be fine. Baby was fine, but I very clearly wasn't and felt I had to be - for DH's sake. That was unnecessary as he was incredibly, unfailingly supportive during a period of years where I behaved, off and on, monstrously and often verbally abusively towards him. Those days are behind us now, but our relationship is still affected by it and we're still working on that.

Hi all, sorry to have been absent for so long. I've been on holiday, been rushing around, and like finnish I think, have broken up with my partner.

I'm not great to be honest. Grieving I think, crying, can't concentrate, can't think about anything else, smoking FFS - but I'm. It drinking. I'm now 163 days continuously sober. This is good, and despite the distress I am in , and despite how much I would just love to get slaughtered. I won't. I can't.

I'm physically shit enough as it is .

Sorry, can't write more at the moment. IUS on the blog if anyone is interested. Www.alcoholfree2016.com

You are all doing really well, and the alcohol craving does get less I promise .

Welcome gotta

I completely understand pillow. Mental health issues can make you act and say things completely out of character and lash out. I hope you and your dh are able to put it behind you

I'm so sorry to hear that lily, I've just read your blog post too. You have done amazingly well to stay sober. It is grieving, it's a huge loss to go through for the present and what you imagined in the future. Take it easy on yourself

Wondering about opinions on telling dp? It's a fairly new relationship, 6 months. When we first met months before we started going out I wasn't drinking but I was from we started our relationship. I'm really unsure about being honest. On one hand I want to be, I'm normally a very upfront type of person and tells tnimgs as they are but the other I'm worried how they will react, will I seem tainted in some way? and if I'm truthful a part of me thinks that once I do there's no backing out and that scares me Then again everyone deserves the truth and I would want to know. I've been on the other side many years ago that I wasn't aware of at the start he had a drinking problem and it was messy, I would have liked to have known at the beginning so I could have decided then with my eyes open what I was getting into.

That one suits me Pimpernella :)

Thanks for the welcome. I think my flash point will be 6pm each day when back home, as that's when I'm making dinner, looking forward to kids' bedtime and when they start getting particularly annoying (age 5 and 2). When I was pregnant I used to drink a wine glass of lemonade and I've as a substitute, it felt like a grown up treat so will try that. DH is disappointed I'm not drinking today but I haven't told him or anyone else in RL I want to quit. Just going to do my own thing, no one can force me to drink.
Hugs to those who need them, i haven't read your stories yet but will do x

Hi Lily. Sorry to hear about your separation. I am impressed that you are not drinking. Wishing you all the best as you deal with the next little while. hold tight and think of us thinking of you.

Welcome Gotta.

Day 8 here.

Evening all say 8 for me today, my parents returned from holiday with 6 bottles if my fave wine, my DH has stored them in the loft, I said to him this time last week I would hav opened and drunk one on my own but I don't feel like it at all.

Some thought provoking stories tonight makes it easy to understand self medication, everyone seems to be doing so well keep it going.

yes yes to a mothers guilt I didn't understand guilt until I had children.

On another note I would love to be involved in the sober book club, I have read girl on the train it's fab found some of it a little too close for comfort but good all the same. I like the sound of life after life.

Night all here's to the start of a happy sober week.

Day 8 olbviously i dont want you to all say 8!!!!

Good idea with the lemonade gotta, I've found it helpful in the past to make a plan to head out with the dc straight after dinner, even for a short walk. Breaks that wine routine. Might not be applicable if you have one so young though and it's close to bedtime.

Really good going with the 8 days Lilyben and putting the fav wine out of harms way Ain't that the truth with the guilt. Hard in todays society too, no matter what women do with regards to parenthood it never feels enough. You're slated if you work, if you don't you're not setting a good example, how many kids you have, if you rely on any sort of benefit for them, how you feed them, how you raise them all comes under scrutiny and it's women that usually bear the brunt of any criticism. Sigh, little rant there Yes I founds parts of the girl on the train close to the bone myself.

May get myself off to bed too. Taking sudafed for sinus pain and it knocked the tiredness away but must be wearing off now. Night, happy sober Mondays to all.

Welcome gotta - your pattern sounds very similar to mine. I'd suggest the same approach - some kind of distraction to get you past the normal trigger point for you to have a glass of wine.

Lilybetsy I'm so sorry. Thank you for checking in.

Day 2. Feel very calm this morning

So sorry to hear your news lily. It's tough to hear that you're going through so much when your blog has been a tower of strength for me

Today is day 1. I'm drinking far too much...I'm a bit scared but it's got to stop.

I'm so low and hate myself for doing this to my kids and dh. They don't know. Dh suspects but is in denial. Theres no point in taking to him he can't emotionally deal with it. Doesn't make him bad i just am normally the strong one and if I'm weak he falls apart.
I am addicted but I want to do this alone...I have to do it alone. Flash point is 6/7 when I ve been on my own with screaming kids all day and I'm so tired I can't move. It gets me through till bed time.
The house is spotless the kids are spotless and v well cared for and v well fed. ...its just a crippling axienty I feel that I try to blot out.
I think I'll be ok if I don't drink and the levels will reduce I just need more time to myself now and again.

He works crazy hours and isn't involved in the house running. Again he's a great guy and his mum has dementia and his dad died suddenly so he can't take on any more.
I absolutly know I can do this i have no doubts at all I can...I just need a strategy to get through 6/7pm.
I can can't I?