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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dry 14

999 replies

glad2016 · 21/07/2016 13:50

This is the thread for all those who are living, or committed to living, life free from alcohol.
Go sober warriors !

OP posts:
StrongTeaHotShower · 17/08/2016 19:51

Fuck, fuck, fuck! From before midday I was getting these 'I deserve a reward
All my good abstinence' type feelings and I've caved. Less then a week in and I've caved. I prolonged my stay at the family home and have now sunk three glasses of wine and a secret splosh downed in the kitchen when no one was looking. I'm such a pathetic idiot. I want to start afresh tomorrow. Back home tomorrow and straight to AA.
I'm sorry, I can just stop there can't I?

MaudlinNamechange · 17/08/2016 20:02

Hi Strong. What does "I can just stop there" mean? just stop drinking? yes. Stop talking? Do you want to talk more about it?

Where are you now, what are you doing and do you have something non alcoholic to drink?

Brush your teeth and make some tea (or something)

If you stop now and drink as much water type stuff as you can, you won't have a hangover, and that will really help you get straight back on it

LikeaHurricane · 17/08/2016 20:07

Jellybean well done, that's fantastic. I love sober holidays Smile

Onewhite and anyone else feeling ashamed, please just don't. It's pointless and all it does is just makes you feel crap......and we aren't crap, we are amazing and very brave.
You're not that person anymore and that's that, so no more thoughts about it. We should be proud of ourselves for admitting we have a problem and then taking control. Women in control of our lives, how about that??

I had to smile to myself because I could have written that story about the hotel room and waking up pissed and fully clothed...

No room for shame, it just gets in the way of living

Sybilramkinvimes · 17/08/2016 20:08

Yes, absolutely.

You're not pathetic- the whole scenario sounds like typical addictive thinking. If it was easy, there's no problem...

For now, be kind to yourself (can you get rid of any alcohol around you and perhaps substitute something else? Go for a walk? Distraction of any kind?) and tomorrow perhaps see if you can come up with strategies for next time... If I think X I'll do Y...

Sybilramkinvimes · 17/08/2016 20:09

Oh and jellybean Star for the holiday. Just fab.

LikeaHurricane · 17/08/2016 20:24

Sorry to hear that Strongtea. Hope you aren't too hard on yourself. Park it and start again

StrongTeaHotShower · 17/08/2016 20:26

That's it now, no more.
It was my choice to drink. My mum's home is bursting with drink so no escape. She started talking to me about al anon ( which she attended but not for me) whilst asking me to pour her another glass of port. I think she's really not dealing well with me saying I've got alcohol problems having delt with other alcoholics in the family before.

I'm sorry to go on about my own failings instead of reading the inspirational stories on here which I've been doing every evening. I'm halfway through dry 13 Smile.

StrongTeaHotShower · 17/08/2016 20:31

Thanks hurricane your story about New Years was beautiful.

patchworkchicken · 17/08/2016 20:59

Hey, Strong don't be too hard on yourself, we all know how difficult it is. Just put it down as finished with and start again tomorrow. Be kind to yourself.

Lilybensmum1 · 17/08/2016 21:43

strong this is what happened to me on Saturday because I convinced myself I can moderate, 1.5 bottles later says I clearly can't. I couldn't sleep Saturday night I was so angry and ashamed of myself. But I got up Monday even more determined and positive.

You need to remember the important things here, you want to stop drinking and you have been able to, you had a little blip, you are part way there. Start again remember one day at a time, you've got this.

tattoosandteadresses · 17/08/2016 21:51

Well done jellybean, that is absolutely marvellous!

Totally agree hurricane, to give up booze shows strength and bravery. For admitting there's a problem, taking control of it and also for not going with the majority (which tbh is what drinkers are).

Strong dust yourself off and start again. Take it as a learning experience - can you identify any triggers and how you would deal with them next time should the situation arise?

BlurtonOnKites4eva · 17/08/2016 22:43

Strong just a minor fuck up - you'll learn from it. Don't worry. It doesn't sound like your Mum has been mega helpful.

My DP keeps taking the piss out of me for not drinking Angry tit

tattoosandteadresses · 18/08/2016 06:40

Hope you're feeling ok this morning Strong, always remember that sobriety is a journey not a destination. Most of us have stumbled at some point of the journey, just try not to let the slip become a months long slide like I've done (several times)

Last night we went to a children's show that had a bar in it. Had to go up and get my ones drinks and had a little pang as I clocked the copious amounts of bottles until I saw it as it really is for me, bottles of addictive poison. My dad started this running along the optics and what out of it he drinks. I couldn't help but think I would drink any of it, no matter if I liked it or not, had I run out and it was the last thing in the house. Classy.

onewhitepillowleft · 18/08/2016 07:23

strong just catching up. It's a little blip. A lapse. I think probably most of us have them. Today is a new day and the lapse has taught you something - perhaps underlined the can't-moderate nature of your relationship to alcohol. I sometimes feel like 'testing' it myself but haven't dared yet.

You are okay. You'll be okay.

hurricane thank you for those kind words! I was sad for a while, and I wanted to drink a lot - after remembering my last drink and feeling such shame about it. But I just tried to notice what I was feeling - shame, the urge to drink - and noticing what a vicious circle it was. I don't want to do that anymore. I am working on trying to feel some compassion for my former self: the fact is, I am actually pretty shy and have to go lots of outgoing type things for my job, which is competitive and very exposing - and I have always and will always find that stressful. And yet I plug away at it to better myself and support my family. The way I've coped with shyness and stress in the past has harmed me, but I never acted maliciously and I don't need to do any of that anymore. So yes, this is me trying to find a bit of compassion for myself.

What has helped me is thinking of you guys: if any of you had shared a story about a drunken night gone wrong, or lapsed, or woke up in a strange place, I KNOW I would be gentle and kind and I wouldn't judge or think you were an awful person - I'd just be worried and want to listen and help out. Why I can't give some of that to myself, I don't know. I don't think you're all awful people so I need to remember that I myself am not either.

And with that thought for the day, I am getting out and having a brisk walk before work. I'm finishing work early today to spend some time with the kids, and I am also making a run to the charity shop because last night I decluttered my wardrobe and took out all the clothes that have bad memories attached to them, which are old or stained, and which don't fit properly. I am going to treat myself as if I deserve nice things. :)

vxa2 · 18/08/2016 07:38

strong Flowers I hope you are feeling a bit better this morning. Don't beat yourself up. Perhaps have a think about what you could do different this time. It doesn't sound as if your Mum is being very helpful at all. Today is a new day. You can do this.

Kites your partner does sound like he's being a bit of a prat. Does he know how much of a big step this is for you ? My DH didn't really get it at first because I had covered up the extent of my drinking pretty well. Looking back now and because he knows the truth, he gets it more. He stopped drinking the day after me although he didn't have a problem at all. He has an off switch and I don't.

tattoo well done last night. You did brilliantly Smile
How is everyone else this morning ? X

vxa2 · 18/08/2016 07:49

onewhite you DO deserve nice things. Reading your lovely post has made me a bit teary. I can tell you are a lovely compassionate, caring and spirited woman. You are doing brilliantly. You have come so far since you first joined here - how long is it now ?

You sound as if you are starting to be a bit kinder to yourself. Keep at it. I hope you have a lovely afternoon with your DCs this afternoon. What a wonderful thing you are doing for them too. I felt as if I was a rubbish mum when I was drinking. I just wanted to get the childcare stuff done do I could drink. Mine are pre teen/teens so in practical terms more independent which meant I could leave them to it to a certain extent but what a terrible example I was setting. Now all that's gone.

Anyway I have gone off topic a bit. I am supposed to be telling you how great you are and how brilliantly you are doing. Smile

StrongTeaHotShower · 18/08/2016 08:10

Thanks everyone. I managed to stop after posting here's and focused back on total sobriety this morning. It's just not worth it at all and I really think I can feel the difference (as in a slight hangover) this morning although I would have vehemently denied that a few glasses could have an effect on me the day after.

vxa yes I'd hurry through bed, bath, stories etc sometimes with a glass on the go just to get to precious Mummy (re: drinking) time.

onewhite your honesty is humbling and so thought provoking Flowers

MaudlinNamechange · 18/08/2016 11:24

StrongTea

"She started talking to me about al anon ( which she attended but not for me) whilst asking me to pour her another glass of port. I think she's really not dealing well with me saying I've got alcohol problems"

TRIGGER-TASTIC! OMG.

MaudlinNamechange · 18/08/2016 11:29

onewhitepillow

"I am working on trying to feel some compassion for my former self: the fact is, I am actually pretty shy and have to go lots of outgoing type things for my job, which is competitive and very exposing - and I have always and will always find that stressful. And yet I plug away at it to better myself and support my family. The way I've coped with shyness and stress in the past has harmed me, but I never acted maliciously and I don't need to do any of that anymore. So yes, this is me trying to find a bit of compassion for myself."

This is so similar to me! Thank you so much for sharing such a brilliant perspective on all this. And helping me cut me some slack.

Day 5. feeling good about having a clear head and making plans.

dds went on a trip yesterday with their holiday club and I made their packed lunches the night before. The first thing dd1 said to me last night when I got home was "thank you for drawing that lovely picture on my sandwiches!" It was lovely that she thought it was nice and not silly (how long have I got left?!) and lovely that she told me - and also lovely that I thought it would be a fun thing to do, which I doubt would have occurred to me if I was half cut and lazy.

LikeaHurricane · 18/08/2016 11:33

Well done Strong it really was just a teeny tiny blip. I had a little one once and got straight back on with sobriety and you will too. Lots of people do. Let it go, it's not happening now.

Onewhite I'm sending you a massive virtual hug. It's a great big squeezy one. You do need to show yourself compassion the same way you do to other people. You need to do that even more so.
It's very clear from your posts that you are lovely and very caring. I bet you are a lovely mummy.....and you're going to be even better now.

I think you will find that the more work events that you do sober, you will surprise yourself how good you can be at them, just by being the real you. You will be able to really listen to people and get to know them and have proper, non repetitive conversations. People love to be asked questions about themselves, you won't need to actually say that much.
Have a few topics up your sleeve ready to ask/talk about and give it a go.
Bet you it's fine....

I'm a big fan of Eckhart Tolle. I've read A new Earth recently and it has slowly but surely started to change my life in a good way.
The Power of Now also gets great reviews but I've not read that yet.
I've go time to explore this sort of thing now that I'm not either pissed or hungover!! Grin
This sort of reading material talks a lot about Compassion and why we let that voice in our heads take over our thinking, when none of it is true..

LikeaHurricane · 18/08/2016 11:35

Maudlin - what a gorgeous thing to share. I'm smiling reading that.

MaudlinNamechange · 18/08/2016 21:36

Hello everyone

Thanks, Hurricane!

Very quiet here. I hope that means everyone is ok.

Thinking of my day 5 buddies especially.

And Happy day 1 to StrongTea.

YellowLambBanana · 18/08/2016 21:58

Hey, hope everyone is having a good night Smile

Maudlin made it to the end of day 5 !

Danger day 6 tomorrow - well danger for me anyway as most typical drinking time and routine is straight after work on a Friday. I've got AF drinks in, planning a manicure and if it gets really bad going for a swim...

chocoholic89 · 18/08/2016 21:59

Yeah fine here. Was at my parent's house today and my dad come in with crates of beer. It made me feel bit weird..was they the feelings of wanting some or just anxiousness because I'm staying away from it.
Everyone around me is '"having fun"' with drink but I don't think they are. Are they??

I keep reminding myself on how I felt the other week. Not worth it definitely not. Still 12 days sober. Whoo hoo! Smile

YellowLambBanana · 18/08/2016 22:06

Well done choc on 12 days ! Seems like a long way off to me at the moment Wink

Nah I don't reckon everyone drinking is having fun. Certainly some of my most miserable times where when I was drinking - and there was a lot of time me or drinking friends were definitely not fun to be around. Keep with it - next time you're in that situation it will be easier

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