strong just catching up. It's a little blip. A lapse. I think probably most of us have them. Today is a new day and the lapse has taught you something - perhaps underlined the can't-moderate nature of your relationship to alcohol. I sometimes feel like 'testing' it myself but haven't dared yet.
You are okay. You'll be okay.
hurricane thank you for those kind words! I was sad for a while, and I wanted to drink a lot - after remembering my last drink and feeling such shame about it. But I just tried to notice what I was feeling - shame, the urge to drink - and noticing what a vicious circle it was. I don't want to do that anymore. I am working on trying to feel some compassion for my former self: the fact is, I am actually pretty shy and have to go lots of outgoing type things for my job, which is competitive and very exposing - and I have always and will always find that stressful. And yet I plug away at it to better myself and support my family. The way I've coped with shyness and stress in the past has harmed me, but I never acted maliciously and I don't need to do any of that anymore. So yes, this is me trying to find a bit of compassion for myself.
What has helped me is thinking of you guys: if any of you had shared a story about a drunken night gone wrong, or lapsed, or woke up in a strange place, I KNOW I would be gentle and kind and I wouldn't judge or think you were an awful person - I'd just be worried and want to listen and help out. Why I can't give some of that to myself, I don't know. I don't think you're all awful people so I need to remember that I myself am not either.
And with that thought for the day, I am getting out and having a brisk walk before work. I'm finishing work early today to spend some time with the kids, and I am also making a run to the charity shop because last night I decluttered my wardrobe and took out all the clothes that have bad memories attached to them, which are old or stained, and which don't fit properly. I am going to treat myself as if I deserve nice things. :)