DP didn't show up.

[TwatbadgingCuntfuckery]

I like to keep these things short and to the point.

Had planned to spend a very very rare weekend alone with DP. Been over a year since we last had the chance to and this week I really really need it after a relative has been diagnosed with cancer. Need a good shoulder and all that. :(

WE don't live together but have been together for 2 years.

This has been planned for a good 4-5 mths. DC has SEN so we have to plan things like this.

Wasted all of Friday - he was meant to take the day of work and didn't tell me he couldn't until friday :( and would be here friday at 10pm. Fine but I woke up sat AM and he wasn't here. He has a key.

Wasted all of Saturday morning waiting thinking he would get an early AM start instead. He lives in another city and it takes 3 hours to get here. This has happened before because of weather/working late because of a deadline etc.

Got a message at lunchtime saying he was ill and 'will be down later on'. Got to 4pm and he still wasn't here so I had to call and cancel the surprise meal I'd planned. Fucking embarrassing to say your OH wasn't in town :(

I've been left alone, had to cancel the restaurant I had planned for sat eve - embarrassing to say your partner hasn't shown up :( and its now sunday evening and I've heard fuck all.

I'm flipping between absolutely furious and really not bothered at all.

Just feel so awfully let down and want to punch him for making me feel so terrible. I haven't even gone out and it has made this whole weekend so pointless.

I don't even know if I can get past this. It feels like a massive betrayal and I don't know If i'm being oversensitive right now or not. (period, plus sick relative etc)

I'd just like to take a moment to fully applaud the op for a truly expressive nn.

Fb doesn't just show you online on chat, I don't use chat but my semi stalker ex still knows when I'm on!!

Ps what does nn mean?

You must have something set differently to me as mine definitely doesn't show if I am online.
Nn = nickname

When I am on facebook on a mobile, ifI go to 'messages' it will say at the top of a message thread how long ago that person was online but it doesn't on the main site.

I don't think fb is that reliable

Have you heard anything OP?

FB Messenger shows if people are online, or, how long ago it was since you were last online. You can't opt out, you can't change it, and you can't 'hide' yourself from it.

I've been on fb on my phone and sat next to my dp who is looking at fb on his ipad and it shows me as online, even though I don't have messenger or the app, I just look at it via internet browser.

I don't think you have to be on messenger or can you opt out of it, you can not hide that well on fb!

Any news on his whereabouts yet?
If he has still not turned up at work - have his employers tried contacting him to check if he is ok?

I'm sat next to dp now and nothing on his fb shows I am on my fb, the only reason he knows is by looking over my shoulder. I can't tell if he is on either. I suggest you all check your security settings.

I hope he turns up and all is well.

Quite frankly, I'd be more worried about him, from the start, than annoyed.

It doesn't sound good for a relationship when your first immediate response is being annoyed than worried that your partner is ill.

If he has form, and you're not happy about it, then why keep seeing him?

I'd check with police, hospitals (would they know who his emergency contact is?) and work and any friends. If he's fine, I'd dump him. If he is not well, then at least you'll be able to be there for him or put your mind to rest.

First response with anyone not turning up when they say they will is annoyed/pissed lweji Its not directed at him specifically because people have a habit of letting me down... I have been worried but its flipped between that and anger because no one could or has told me anything.

I have heard though and he is in hospital and has been since Saturday. Colleague who I spoke to didn't know at the time he was in hospital so he didn't withhold anything. He just wasn't in the loop.

I'm pissed off because I haven't been told. I'm pissed that my feelings are being dismissed by people here. not on mumsnet you lot are alright thank you :) and that I should shrug off how I've been left to feel over the last few days.

I think I need to figure a few things out because this whole being left to stew, not being informed of something serious is not something I want to repeat. Its emotionally exhausting.

TBH I would be upset too if DP ended up in hospital and I was the last to know. IMO it does put a perspective on things I.e. Where you are in the priority loop.

I would expect a partner of two years to be one of the first to be told he was in hospital, presumably he's not in ICU or unconscious?

Oh dear st being in hospital

So what's wrong with him?

He collapsed, thought it was a virus of some kind but it wasn't. He's had a lot of tests and they think It might've been a stroke of some kind. I have yet to get all the details because I'm between hospital appointments myself with DC.

Oh dear well I hope he is ok.

BUT I still don't understand why he didn't get the Friday off and didn't show up even when he said he'd be later at 10pm? The incident happened on Saturday yeah?

Was he physically/mentally capable of letting you know he was in hospital? There's a world of difference between sitting in bed doing The Times crossword while he waits for the doctor to organise tests, and lying in bed feeling out of it due to the meds.

You have every right to feel upset and need to reassess. If my dp went into hospital and didn't feel the need to let me know, even though we had plans, I would be devastated. I'm sorry op, this must really hurt.

Sorry that he is unwell.

Yes, I think you need to figure some things out with him, but at least find out first what happened exactly. :)

That's what I need to find out hore it was on sat eve by all accounts. After I last spoke to him so you're right he should've been here friday when he made a promise to do so. Granted, this probably would've happened here or could've happened on the road and its a good job it didn't, grateful for that tbf. Still doesn't excuse it all. Its such a bloody mess :(

anthony I don't know. He said he wasn't always with it but he was with it enough to sort out a friend to bring clothes and deal with some things at home so I don't know for sure.

Very strange he has possibly had a stroke and they didn't let you know as his next of kin. Who did they notify then?

OP, if it was a stroke, just because he was able to organise some things doesn't mean that he would be able to/remember other things.

My DM had a stroke a year ago and while she was vocal enough about wanting to leave the hospital, asking DDad to bring certain things in, telling me I should be at work, she also appeared to briefly forget she had a son, was unable to remember conversations she'd had a few minutes beforehand and was really out of it for a few days. She is almost completely recovered now (other than extra fatigue and slightly more impatience than before).

I'd be unimpressed at not being contacted too - but it may not have been intentional.

No they don't have to contact anyone if the patient is compos mentis cos the patient can do it themselves.

Particularly with a mini stroke as they tend to be long over by the time the person gets to hospital.

So if he was lucid/able to communicate/use his phone to ask a friend to bring him stuff then the nurses wouldn't be contacting anybody.