DP didn't show up.

[TwatbadgingCuntfuckery]

I like to keep these things short and to the point.

Had planned to spend a very very rare weekend alone with DP. Been over a year since we last had the chance to and this week I really really need it after a relative has been diagnosed with cancer. Need a good shoulder and all that. :(

WE don't live together but have been together for 2 years.

This has been planned for a good 4-5 mths. DC has SEN so we have to plan things like this.

Wasted all of Friday - he was meant to take the day of work and didn't tell me he couldn't until friday :( and would be here friday at 10pm. Fine but I woke up sat AM and he wasn't here. He has a key.

Wasted all of Saturday morning waiting thinking he would get an early AM start instead. He lives in another city and it takes 3 hours to get here. This has happened before because of weather/working late because of a deadline etc.

Got a message at lunchtime saying he was ill and 'will be down later on'. Got to 4pm and he still wasn't here so I had to call and cancel the surprise meal I'd planned. Fucking embarrassing to say your OH wasn't in town :(

I've been left alone, had to cancel the restaurant I had planned for sat eve - embarrassing to say your partner hasn't shown up :( and its now sunday evening and I've heard fuck all.

I'm flipping between absolutely furious and really not bothered at all.

Just feel so awfully let down and want to punch him for making me feel so terrible. I haven't even gone out and it has made this whole weekend so pointless.

I don't even know if I can get past this. It feels like a massive betrayal and I don't know If i'm being oversensitive right now or not. (period, plus sick relative etc)

Could you have gone up there yesterday? Too late now, the weekend is over.

No, I needed to stay home because i'm DCs emergency contact. Trains from here aren't that regular either.

So do you normally only see each other one weekend a month? It doesn't sound like much even bearing in mind the distance.

yes only once a month and that was enough, not perfect but it was consistent enough for us for the short term.

FloggingMolly - few people in their 40s still have grandparents living, if there were no Aunts/Uncles, then perhaps a news report would only have to include parents and a sibling to count as 'whole family'. a car crash could easily do that.

OP - I would suggest it's run it's course - if you are doing long distance relationships, you do need to be excited about seeing each other and grabbing the opportunties to be together as they arrive so infrequently.

I would be fuming, OP. Being ill and having to cancel is unfortunate but these things happen, but to a) not get in touch on Friday as planned, b) to not bothering getting in touch again until Saturday afternoon and c) going off the radar completely would be a deal-breaker for me UNLESS he was involved in some serious emergency or was taken ill and ended up in hospital.

But, I don't think he's ill. It sounds like he either has a second family or he's met someone else and spent the weekend with her instead, and so couldn't get in touch with you without her getting suspicious.

Decent men don't just drop off the radar unless it's an emergency. Liars and cheats pretend to be sick and then don't answer their phones when they're too cowardly to break up relationships.

I'm sorry

Unacceptable - you shouldn't even be needing to think about this one but I know many of us have been thereit's hard to come back from behaviour that really shows a lack of basic human decency and respect towards you. Yes you could have done a lot with your weekend - don't waste another one on him.

why isn't my strike thru working?

what dino said Floggingmolly but it wasn't a car accident but something equally as devastating.

I agree with you all. I'm know I wont be able to rely on him, to trust him or even make plans in future and those things are so important to me amongst other things.

So glad DC isn't around right now.

Another vote for married

It does sound very odd.
I am sorry to say this, but it doesn't sound right.
Is there a possibility that he is living some sort of double life?

I'm so sorry your weekend was ruined with no obvious excuse. I would wait to see IF he gets in touch and what he has to say for himself. It certainly doesn't sound good and I would be preparing to terminate personally..

pickled I have really thought about this and there isn't any reason for me to believe he is married. Unless he has two of everything. Hell the first time I went to stay at his it was very obvious he had been a single man for a long time.

Hey, it's really sad but I think you know yourself it has run its course x
I'd look after him for you if you lived near me. Your ds that is! Don't discount all childminders. Go to the asd groups too, there might be playschemes, weekend clubs etc to give you a bit of a break.

He might live somewhere for work and go home at weekends, for example. Or my money is on the fact that he has another woman on the go, but they don't live together and he stays at hers, so he can give off the "single" vibe.

It doesn't have to be as dramatic as a second life or being married, having met another woman in his town would be easy enough. You living so far away would make dating you both until he made his mind up easy. Particularly if other woman was happy not to live together.

It doesn't have to be another woman. His background from what you have said sounds devastating. Could he have actively distanced himself from attachment ever since, hence the weekend every three or four weeks and your lack of demands suiting him in his self-imposed isolation? Maybe he felt that he needed to cut himself off. It's not an excuse and it's still appallingly thoughtless behaviour and you deserve an explanation.

What A horrible weekend for you OP and a dreadful weekend.

Sorry but he's not that into you and had no respect or regard for you either. No way back from this is there?

Oops meant to say dreadful letdown.

Are you going to keep trying to contact him or leave the ball in his court now?
I think there might be something in what Lobster says tbh.

I still haven't heard anything. We're supposed to be doing something this weekend too for DC but I'm too preoccupied sorting alternative arrangements for that to bother with him tbf.

Thankful this weekends plans aren't huge and I can do it alone for DC with taxis etc. Just trying to find someone to come with me.

Probably lobster when his friend died last year he shut himself off for a week. I was furious with him then. Not for his friend dying but him acting like an arse about contacting me/him.

I have wondered if he's scared of my reaction - I am blunt and too the point and don't let things wash but if I'm honest I couldn't careless right now.

I have to get DC in a little while and OH was supposed to be picking him up with me. I have plans sorted for this though.

The only excuse is death or being in a coma IMO.

Even if the man shuts himself off periodically he doesn't have the right to just disappear and expect understanding from those he claims to be close to.

TBH if you only see him every few weekends and have done for two years then in truth you've only really spent a handful of weekends together. Nothing wrong with that if that's the kind of relationship you want, but it sounds more like a casual relationship which is never going to go anywhere, so given his treatment of you I would cut my losses and get rid.

.

I can't see much of a future if he views spending time with you as an option. The constant stream of excuses adds further insult to injury because you could have better used the child free than just waiting around for someone who was never going to show up.

I still haven't heard anything. We're supposed to be doing something this weekend too for DC but I'm too preoccupied sorting alternative arrangements for that to bother with him tbf.

I can't believe you would even assume he would still be doing something with you this weekend! The way you have written this sounds like if he called you today and said sorry you'd be all happy again.

Surely it's over?!

If you still haven't heard anything it sounds like this might well be over. I'm sorry OP.