Please help - husband didn't come home when everyone left. I think I'm having panic attacks

[Feelinglost1919]

Hi, please help me.

Husband was out with friends last night. Very rare night out. I was ringing him at about 11pm, no answer. I then see his friend, who he was with, is online on whatsapp. I ask a friend when are they planning to go home and I can't get hold of a husband.

To my surprise the friend says he just got home and my husband left 40mins before him. So my husband left over an hour ago and not home and not answering. We live 10 mins away

I've gone into panic mode ringing H who eventually calls me after a string of messages. Said he's in a taxi home. This would've been 1.5 hrs since he left everyone and said he's going home.

He has told me he has left everyone but bumped into some guys he made friends with and stayed for another hour. Doesn't make sense to me. When he leaves the bar he's had enough and going home, why make friends with randomers and drink with them.

Back story: A year ago we went to a brother and had a threesome (with an escort), and I just now thought this probably really relaxed him at how... "Cool" I am with things?? By the way threesome was my idea as I have been curios for years. We seemed keen but afterwards we thought it didn't live up to our expectations (it all seemed seedy and not lusty as we hoped).

I have been shaking uncontrollably and my heart is beating so so strongly it's like it's going to jump out of my chest. My breathing is shaky and I keep bursting into tears.

I just don't understand where he was for that 1.5hrs? I don't buy his story. I think he could've gone to a brothel... He was drunk and we have been arguing me telling him to come home, and I just think he went there for an hour? He cannot believe I would even come up with this idea, I asked his phone to check locations he was happy for me to. I didn't as heart rate started beating even faster and I felt light headed. He seems normal but I also know if he has cheated, he would be putting the best acting skills of his life on at the moment, as our marriage depends on it and we are usually very happy.

I'm sorry this is long and just all over the place. Please help me with any ideas, it's been hours and I can't calm down. I think deep inside I will need to check his phone somehow to find out the truth (with his permission of course). My head tells me I'm being crazy but my heart won't rest.

We are buying a house next week and ttc.

You've made a rod for your own back.

Even if he can explain this one, next time he's late you'll imagine he's at a brothel and the time after that and the time after that.

that is the most repulsive thing I have ever read.

Seriously? You should get out more!

Can't you access his uber account from your tablet or phone ?

Anchor, we paid with his card but they charged us double it was eye watering as we got VIP room. It would be cheaper just husband and cheaper room and less than an hour... So he does know it would be cheap if just him and 1/2 hr..

LIZS nope his mates are the ones telling me he left ages and actually worrying about him a lot

i dont know much about uber, but can you call them and ask where he got picked up, maybe say lost wallet etc and tracing back steps?

JustHere aren't you a joy. I've made a mistake, not a 'rod for my back'. Don't bash people for having done wrong - we all have at some stage.

Blondes I'm sure I can actually view his app if I ask - unless he's wiped history and that says everything to me
I'm terrified to ask for his phone. In a way that I'm not ready for my world go collapse

No uber you access from your phone (amazes me how many people don't know about uber it's so useful and often better than a cab ....still I suppose that means more free ride codes for newbies and their referrers 😀) you don't ring them.

Sadly no uber out here in the country yet...

I use it in London but here I'm stuck in the dark ages

Why do you need his phone you could log into his account from your phone if you know his log ins

I don't think OP really wants to find out and I can't blame her

That's it I'm cancelling the move to Devon . I'm surprised I'd have though at least Exeter and Plymouth would have it by now.

Nope! You have London, Leeds, Birmingham, Wakefield (?) and Manchester to choose from for your escape to the country

Personally I'd rather look for myself on another app rather than tell him why I wanted his phone.

Trafalgar yes I can ask for his phone to see his uber journeys. If he says no (or they're deleted) then I have everything I need to know. I know it sounds pathetic, but if I just think about it - my heart beats so hard my heard on the sides hurts. I don't know if I'll get the strength to ask to look at the phone

*my head on the sides.

Trafalgar uber is another account. Different to fb, email etc. To be honest I couldn't look at his phone as I can't bear what it might show me. I still need to calm down from this episode and I haven't slept at all last night, and have work tomorrow

Just checked it's in Kent too (not the bit that is almost London either)

OK enough
If you don't look you'll have another sleepless night
If you look and the pick up isn't where he said he was you have another sleepless night
If you look and the pick up is exactly as he said, you feel a bit of a twit but you'll sleep

There's nothing to lose by looking

I feel for you but you are BU in my view and this looks like a huge over-reaction. If you want your marriage to work I would move on, avoid picking holes in this story as it's making you paranoid and concentrate on your future home together.

He was drunk on a rare night out, you are sober and stressing about a house move. You can't account for an hour of his time - so what - like someone else on here says, you either trust him or you don't.

OP- calm down. The panic attack stuff is ridiculous, and I don't mean it's ridiculous. It's ridiculous to be working yourself into this frenzy and if you genuinely are having a panic attack you'll find its roots at other things rather than him being an hour late home last night.

So. Are you going to ask him? He was an hour late, and you decided that he had gone to a brothel for no apparent reason (since he goes out some other times ie Devon and you don't think this) or you think he sat right for a year or so after your last adventure and suddenly decided tonight was the night?

Look, he may have gone. I have lots of make friends who have been to brothels and their wives are clueless. But quite frankly, being an hour late isn't the indicator of that sort of thing

Just checked it's in Kent too (not the bit that is almost London either)

The world is your oyster!

I know. I know that's what I need to do and if he's not lying - it'll be there somewhere in his phone. He's working a long shift today

His emails will have an uber receipt.

Really, though, I'm not at all expecting him to have been to a brothel.

I agree it's a bit suspect that he disappeared for an hour but I think, if anything happened, it'll be that he met someone in the bar or organised something on Tinder etc, and had a free encounter with someone.

Erm I don't think he went to Devon 😉

You're right uber charges go to email not the phone