lazyanna, what you describe is not normal, so you can't expect to advise others to accept such a situation. I feel sorry for you, there are obviously deeper issues in your relationship that are manifesting themselves in your sex life.
frustratedman. You sound like a lovely husband and of course you should not be expected to go without sex. None of us married our husbands in order not to have sex with them. Of course when you have children under five things are very different. Your wife is tired. She feels like a machine, catering to other human beings' demands all day, and sometimes at night too. Your wanting sex can feel like yet another demand on her poor tired body and her drained emotions. Please don't take it personally. Don't give up. Carry on being devoted, romantic and loving. As your children grow the demands on her as a mother will diminish and she will have more time and energy to devote to being a wife and lover again.
I am just an ordinary 45 year old woman and I find life very tiring. My youngest child is 6. But my husband really does make me feel like a goddess. He has always treated me as if I were far too good for him, he is kind, patient, ever willing to understand. He has sometimes had to wait and wait for sex. Sometimes I really don't feel up to it, for weeks at a time, especially if I have other strong physical and emotional demands on me.
But I have learned that sometimes if I go ahead and do what he wants, even if I don't feel like it, he appreciates it a whole lot, and he never pressures me because he knows there is more to come. We have also learned that I feel more sexy at certain times in my cycle, and we both try to make sure we use those times.
After several years together and small children in the picture, your sex life doesn't take care of itself. It's all part of the ups and downs of being married. It takes effort from both sides to keep it alive and keep it so good that you both know there is nothing to be gained elsewhere.
You need intimacy, intimacy, intimacy. Talk about when you met, about your wedding, about all the romantic things. Remind each other what attracted you to one another in the first place. Plan your life together, go into detail, it makes you feel very secure in your partner's love.
If ever there is danger of an affair in a marriage it is now when there are children under 5 to care for. Be aware of the temptation and do not lose everything by falling for this cheap thrill. Take those feelings and urges and use them all to woo your wife, no one else. Don't give her the burden of worrying about stopping you from having an affair, because if you do she won't know if she's having sex with you to prevent this or because she loves you, and that would be an awful turn-off.
You need to remain patient while your children are small, and your wife needs to go the extra mile to try and please you as well. It sounds as though she is doing that.
We married our partners to love and fulfil them, to be there for them, and to have a relationship that is whole with them - to be their everything. Things may slow down when the children are small but with love and effort from both partners you can keep the fire stoked until the children are older and you re-discover yourself out of the saturation of early parenthood.