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Original poster

He ignores me

34 replies

itcuddles · 28/06/2016 13:48

Bit of background, been with my boyfriend for only a month, dating for 3 months. Both mid twenties, no kids.

In person my boyfriend is super loving, affectionate and attentive, the problem is when we're apart. He is notorious for ignoring my texts. He's never been a good texter from the start and would always take a while to respond but always eventually did. This didn't bother me as it allowed me to get on with my day without a distraction. However it's now at the point where he will just point blank ignore my messages. I breezily explained to him how it made me feel trying not to make a massive deal, and he apologised saying it wasn't his intention to make me feel like that but has since continued to do it.

I understand he doesn't like that constant back and forth messaging so I've made a conscious effort not to send pointless chat to him but it hasn't made a difference. I'm now going out of my mind wondering what's going through his Sad
Any advice on how to approach this? We're still in the early days so I don't want to come across as clingy and naggy ultimately scaring him off, but I feel like it needs to be addressed before it becomes a massive issue.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 28/06/2016 13:51

You've told him how ignoring makes you feel. He still does it.

You either accept him as he is or end the relationship. You can't force him to respond and it's best to end it while it's early days.

This isn't a tough decision.

ElspethFlashman · 28/06/2016 13:53

It'd fucking rude. You're dating a rude person who's not that into you. That's all it is.

adora1 · 28/06/2016 13:56

Rude, and not that into you, sorry.

TheNaze73 · 28/06/2016 14:08

I don't think he's not into you more like, he's not into the constant texting. It's a real downside of relationships in 2016. Texting should be used to set the next date & that's it in my opinion. Pursue your own interests, see your friends & let the relationship grow naturally, it sounds like you're trying to force it. I'd be put off, if I was on the receiving end of that I must admit.
The issue, might be bigger in the fact you need a clingier, needier & more dependent partner than he is. Mean that in a nice way as in you're mismatched.

hellsbellsmelons · 28/06/2016 14:22

You don't like it.
You've told him how you feel about it.
He still does it.
Why are letting him?
Ignore him and don't text him again.
If he texts you then ignore him for a few days then text back.
See how he likes it!
He sounds like a knob-head.

AnecdotalEvidence · 28/06/2016 15:15

If you need constant text communication and he is not into that, then maybe you aren't suited.
I don't necessarily think he is doing anything wrong or being rude, it depends on the type of texting you are doing. I can't do general chit-chat on text, so "good morning", "nice day" type texts would be ignored by me too. I just don't know how to reply to them.

mumndad37 · 28/06/2016 15:19

Not everyone lives with their phone in their pocket, with all the notifications sounds turned on.... He may have to make an extra effort to check his phone to see if anyone has messaged him. I do this!! But I just cannot be tethered to the phone constantly, and the chit chat seems pointless. Maybe he is similar? It is not a reflection of his feelings, necessarily. Just a different way of handling the phone with all its interruptions.

HermioneJeanGranger · 28/06/2016 15:37

He's always been like this, so I think you either need to accept it, or leave him. You can't change him.

I don't think it necessarily means he's not into you Hmm not everyone likes texting everyday, and I would certainly be put off if someone expected me to text them back quickly every single time.

It sounds like he just prefers talking in person and doesn't want to talk to you 24/7 when you're apart so that you have something to talk about when you're together.

However if this is a dealbreaker for you, then you need to move on and find someone who has a similar attitude to texting as you do. I had an ex who was rubbish at communication in-between seeing each other and like you, I found it really difficult. Eventually his poor communication spilled over into the rest of our relationship and we broke up as a result.

Just do what's right for you. You can end it if you're not happy, you don't need any other reason!

SandyY2K · 28/06/2016 16:21

This isn't about not living with phone in pocket.

It's bloody rude to ignore a message especially when the girl you're seeing says how it makes her feel.

When you see what you don't like in the early days it's sensible to end it.

candybar007 · 28/06/2016 16:23

No need to end it yet however agree do it to him and see how he reacts.

Mintychoc1 · 28/06/2016 16:36

I did most of my dating pre-mobile phones, so although I'm a frequent texter now, I have lots of experience of relationships without texting, and I think I could manage it now. To me the crucial thing would be how he responds to texts from other people - friends, family etc. If he always replies promptly to them, but ignores you, then I'd find that hard to deal with. If he's just not someone who texts during the day, then I'd accept it. But I'd want to chat on the phone in the evenings now and then, like we used to in the old days!

ImperialBlether · 28/06/2016 16:45

Does he send texts to anyone else?

sonjadog · 28/06/2016 16:49

How often are you messaging him now? Is you "cutting down" ten messages a day instead of thirty, or are you now talking about three a week? I´m not an enthusiastic texter and I get bored of sending them after a couple of times. I find it tiresome to have to keep texting and texting someone, so I can see his side of it. Nothing to do with the other person and what I feel about them, it has to do with me and what I like to do and I don´t like the constant disruption of texts. If someone insisted I answered because we were in a relationship, it would quickly turn from fun into an obligation and would probably end up with me wanting to end it.

HermioneJeanGranger · 28/06/2016 16:57

Also, is he really ignoring you, or just not replying instantly/within the hour? I think there's an important distinction.

If someone replies eventually but just texts around other things, fine, but if they generally just ignore you/text other people/reply to some messages and ignore others, it's a bit rude and I can see why you're upset.

whattodowiththepoo · 28/06/2016 20:25

I must be a terrible person, I almost never reply to texts.
People that matter know this and don't expect a reply.

Hissy · 28/06/2016 20:50

Be honest.

Are you sending annoying twaddle? Inane chit chat? Stuff that is dull and of interest only to you?

If yes, sort it out.

If no, if it's just a hey and he never replies then tbh, not a good start, is it? If you were to call him, would he answer?

Original poster
itcuddles · 28/06/2016 21:21

He is like it with everyone, rarely uses his phone when he's with me. I have noticed he normally talks to friends/family on the phone rather than texts them. He always answers when I call too.

Sometimes I might send 4/5 a day, sometimes it won't be any for a couple of days so I'm definitely not badgering him with messages. It's so strange as he is super affectionate and attentive when we're together, but when we're not it's like I don't exist!

Other people have commented that it's weird we don't talk much in between seeing each other, and that we should be in the 'honeymoon' period where we should want to be constantly connected all the time. Is that the norm, or are they giving me unrealistic expectations?

OP posts:
Wuffleflump · 28/06/2016 21:45

I don't text much, and wasn't constantly texting OH when we were newly together. Much more interested in setting up time together than messages.

AnecdotalEvidence · 28/06/2016 23:02

Even 4/5 messages a day I wouldn't really know what to do with. I use texting for purposeful question/answer type conversations. I find it very awkward for chat.
He doesn't communicate with any of his friends like this so it sounds like there isn't a problem with you at all, it's just the way he communicates.

SoleBizzz · 28/06/2016 23:09

He is rude. Just don't text him anymore and ghost him.

Hissy · 28/06/2016 23:10

It's not you then, so just don't communicate with him in that way, he prefers real contact.

wizzywig · 28/06/2016 23:12

Text him that youve won the lottery and you want to go shopping and see if he responds any quicker

NikiSaintPhalle · 28/06/2016 23:12

You're interpreting the fact that he uses texting differently to you to mean indifference, despite the fact that he's affectionate and interested in person. Why not call him and talk between meetings? I seldom have my phone close at hand and never text for anything other than strictly practical reasons. I would find four or five texts a day badgering and juvenile.

RandomName9 · 28/06/2016 23:24

My husband is and always has been useless with his phone. Until a year or two ago he had a cheap £20 phone as he regularly lost them!! He doesn't text anyone, his mum gets upset because she thinks he is ignoring her, I've just learnt that's how he is..practical. You want to chat..call. It doesn't mean your relationship is doomed Smile

di2004 · 28/06/2016 23:25

Before you throw the towel in.. my hubby doesn't do smartphones in fact he's useless at computers, just knows the very basic stuff. When I text him his answers are hours later or a simple 'ok' or 'yes/no' type of answer.
Don't dwell too much on it, i'm sure he isn't into texting as much as you are, it's really not too much to worry about, honest!