How to approach DH about latest MIL stunt?

[razzlematazzle]

MIL and I are NC. She's a narcissistic PITA, but DH and DS still see her. She takes care of DS once a fortnight for a few hours, against my better judgement, but it was a compromise with DH.

MIL contacted DH recently about what she should by DS for his birthday, having just decorated the nursery I asked him to request a specific type of childrens chair to match. I was intending on getting it for him ourselves but couldn't think of much else at the time so asked MIL to get the chair and we would get something else.

DH then sent her a link to my Pinterest board so she could see exactly what style, colour and type of chair we were after. The chair would be expensive-ish but she's usually happy to lavish DS with expensive gifts.

DH mentioned last week that MIL had seen and bought a cheap version of the chair, would that be OK? As she had thought of a 'better' present that she would like to get him. I said it was fine provided it was in the colours we had requested to match the nursery.

DH currently at work and I've finally gotten round to looking at the chair. It's hideous. Bright orange. Cheap material. Doesn't match our pale blue and grey nursery whatsoever. How do I approach this with DH? He's going to defend her as he's completely oblivious to interior design and MIL knows it! I really want to get him a beautiful wooden chair for his birthday to match the rest of his room, but how do I do this now that MIL has gone all out on a cheap and hideous one to stand in the way of that? I'm really annoyed, even when we're NC she can affect me with her poisonous controlling ways. I need to speak to DH when he gets home from work, but ideally I need to keep him on side! When I'm talking cheap... I'm talking a £10 chair as opposed to a £60 chair. She knows what she's doing. ..

Like you say SandyY2K it's the fact she KNOWS we're not massive fans of them. Even my DH, her DS has told her...but hey! Like I say they're great jammies

I was going to suggest you get the thing you want and use MIL's for another room/outside, but I see that's already something you're considering.

MIL used to do this too. Luckily it was one thing which would annoy dh, so he arranged things where we bought whatever it was and MIL gave him the money. Personally, I think it would have been nicer to let her shop for whatever she wanted to get and not give her any instructions at all, she'd never have bought what we actually asked her to get so just let her get anything. If dd liked it great; if she didn't, well......

I think I'll show DH the pinterest board again and get him to see that the gift doesn't at all match up with what we wanted or requested
Have you any idea how much of a dick that makes sound?

She can only get enjoyment out of being controlling if she thinks you care.

The second you mention it to your dh you are playing right into her hands.

I would say nothing, do nothing.

I used to get really upset over things MIL said or done, on there own they sounded quite petty but it was all the little things that added up. I look back at the petty things I made a fuss over and realise that I should have let them go because in the end I just looked petty and when it came to the bigger things I found dh switched off.

In the end he started to see things for himself. I used to be the one moaning about everything wondering why the fuck I was the only one to notice the shit going on and it ended up with me and dh arguing. I shut up, I stopped making a big deal out of the small things, it worked.

Pick your battles, this shouldn't be one of them.

Stop giving her chances to piss you off, next time tell your dh to tell her to buy whatever she likes.

My MIL does this shit all the time. She asks for ideas then ignores what i suggest and buys cheap crap toys instead - hello £10 toy plastic workbench that broke really quickly and was not suitable for a two yr old - rather than wooden alternative. i try to ignore it (or get my own back by buying her birthday present way in advance and then saying 'oh I've ordered something special already as I thought you would like a surprise' when she asks for her usual vouchers)

I'd also say op that I've stopped commenting on trivial things about the ILs even where they naff me off a bit and I leave dh to deal and now it's not a source of friction for us and he can see the real problem, that they put no effort in but like to blow up about trivial things as an excuse to feel they are in the right.