How to approach DH about latest MIL stunt?

[razzlematazzle]

MIL and I are NC. She's a narcissistic PITA, but DH and DS still see her. She takes care of DS once a fortnight for a few hours, against my better judgement, but it was a compromise with DH.

MIL contacted DH recently about what she should by DS for his birthday, having just decorated the nursery I asked him to request a specific type of childrens chair to match. I was intending on getting it for him ourselves but couldn't think of much else at the time so asked MIL to get the chair and we would get something else.

DH then sent her a link to my Pinterest board so she could see exactly what style, colour and type of chair we were after. The chair would be expensive-ish but she's usually happy to lavish DS with expensive gifts.

DH mentioned last week that MIL had seen and bought a cheap version of the chair, would that be OK? As she had thought of a 'better' present that she would like to get him. I said it was fine provided it was in the colours we had requested to match the nursery.

DH currently at work and I've finally gotten round to looking at the chair. It's hideous. Bright orange. Cheap material. Doesn't match our pale blue and grey nursery whatsoever. How do I approach this with DH? He's going to defend her as he's completely oblivious to interior design and MIL knows it! I really want to get him a beautiful wooden chair for his birthday to match the rest of his room, but how do I do this now that MIL has gone all out on a cheap and hideous one to stand in the way of that? I'm really annoyed, even when we're NC she can affect me with her poisonous controlling ways. I need to speak to DH when he gets home from work, but ideally I need to keep him on side! When I'm talking cheap... I'm talking a £10 chair as opposed to a £60 chair. She knows what she's doing. ..

What the fuck ^^

Not you Cath!

Errr shizzlestix I've already apologised for that!!

Bendydick

IT'S NOT A CHAIR just to clarify in case anyone missed an earlier post.

We have no idea what this alleged Tangoed monstrosity actually is but IT'S NOT A CHAIR.

do and say nothing.

you are letting her get to you.
just smile and wave.
put the "chair" in the garden for ds to play with.
end of.

unless you routinely appear in Hello magazine then no one will care except you and your interior /exterior design wont fall apart because of an orange item. or you can laugh about it with your friends and say oh that's what MIL got him. they will understand.

Teddy12
eh?😂

Just leave it. Lose it or break it.

Don't let her create any issues with your OH.

Your OH was unreasonable for showing her YOUR Pinterest board.
Next time tell him to send her an Amazon wishlist with HIS name on it.

And, btw, pale blue and grey for a small child? It sounds stylish, but not particularly child friendly or appealing.

BTW, is the chair the new cheque?

OP, next time just say "a toy" if you don't want to specify what it was. It will avoid all sorts of confusion.

To avoid an arguement why not keep the chair for DS as a garden chair and buy the one you want :-)

Maybe she was going for a 'statement piece' for the room. Only you've taken her statement as 'fuck you'

Are you the same poster who had the 'vision' about her white sofa and struggled that people didn't understand the importance of the vision? If not, you might want to look her up.

It's a present - it's not the end of the world, it's not a threat to your role in the house or family unless you choose to make it one. If you don't like it, stick it in a corner (and learn very quickly that page 48 of the mamas and papas catalogue doesn't make for a happy childhood - sometimes the bright orange chair is loads better when you're a kid).

I'm afraid, as much as I sympathise with MIL difficulties, you lost me at 'pale blue and grey nursery'.

Pretend to adore it. That'll show the bitch.

Oh god, I had a post ready to type out but Teddy's complete non-sequitur has really given me the giggles.

Don't say anything.
Take the present, use it another way that doesn't bother you that much and then in one or two month, buy the item you wanted for the bedroom 'as the other one is now used in the garden/downstairs/whatever use you have found for it'.

Next time, just tell your DH to find an idea for your MIL 'as he will know much better than you what she will be happy to buy'.
Don't engage (and that will avpoopid you being annoyed at what she is buying just to spite you)

Pretend you love it then eBay it or give it to the charity shop.

If it really was only a tenner you won't miss it.

Or if it's anything you can paint, then paint it to match your colour scheme.

Tell your DH that orange paint causes ADHD or something else slightly believable if you need an excuse.

you ought to take the high ground now - just use the chair until DS draws all over it with his permanent markers (but they said washable) and then change it. You'll wear yourself and your DH out if you put him through the ringer on minor things like this. Yes, she may well have done it to annoy you, but if you perpetuate this you're just buying into her game.

Is the 'chair' something that you could have two of, even if one is in the living room/garage? If so, buy your own chair and use this one elsewhere. Just tell DH you'd rather not be so mean as to refuse it on the basis of not matching but you'll still prefer to have the matching one.

If shes doing it to get the upper hand then get a really nice material and cover it and then share your creativity far and wide on pintrest, fb anywhere she will see it. Prove the point that she can't ruin it for you.

That's a present for you not him. I would never buy that chair if I was his grand mother.

Surely the whole point of the thread is dealing with someone who makes a thing of asking for your opinion, advice or preferences and then when they do or buy something very different easily twists it to make you look the unreasonable one?

Both female parents in our lives were exactly like that and it's very wearing.

I dealt with it by not giving opinions and grittingmyteeth smiling sweetly as I said something like 'oh I really don't mind, I'm sure it'll be lovely whatever you decide' Luckily the Pinocchio effect isn't real

There's no point in asking what to buy as a gift and then buying something different. That just shows what a devious person you are. She obviously wanted to BUY DS something specific, but is trying to act like she cares.

From some responses here I can summise they'd be exactly like your MIL. Women are so nasty at times. You don't get FILS being a pain in the ass to their Son in laws.

OP - I totally get where you're coming from.

"There's no point in asking what to buy as a gift and then buying something different."

I think that it depends on the item.

For some people a "chair" is a "chair" & it not being exact wouldn't occur to them as being a problem.

Stuff has obviously happened in the past though if Op is NC & in future I'd just leave it to her & her son to decide what to buy.