Is this normal? Or suspicious? Confused.

[LittlePeterRabbitAndHisFly]

I'm 7 months pregnant.

When I found out I was pregnant months ago, I also found out around about the same time that DP had been cheating on me with someone who lived near him. It was over when I found out. But he used to meet her in his local, he used to live in a place where everybody knows everybody and there was one local they all went to. It was at that local he used to see her. OW is married and was at the time. Her husband doesn't know what happened.

Anyway it was a really hard time and I wanted to leave, he didn't want me to. So we tried again. One of the conditions of me giving him another chance was that he was to stop going to the place where he was meeting up with her, as I couldn't handle that, she still goes there.

Anyway skip to now. DP's very close friend passed away. It was expected but obviously that doesn't make it any easier. After the church the wake will be at this particular pub, this wasn't an issue at all and wasn't mentioned other than him telling me that was where it was. Obviously I have no problem with him going there for the wake and it didn't even cross my mind. He didn't mention it either other than saying that was where it was. All fine.

I asked DP if he wanted me to go to the funeral with him. He said he really really did, he needed my support etc. Anyway so I went out and found an appropriate outfit that would go over my giant stomach now and Sorted out cover for my other responsibilities so I could go and support him.

Skip to today. The funeral is very soon and DP told me on the phone this morning he didn't want me to come. I asked why, seeing as he had been desperate for me to come before, and he said there would only be men there. Which was clearly bollocks and I told him that. Then he said I had to pick DS up from school. Funeral at 10am. Wake starting at 11, I have to leave for the school run at 2:15. So that was bollocks as well, as I'm assuming that even if DP wants to stay longer (which is fine) they wouldn't be locking me in the pub so I couldn't slip out of the wake before him. So I asked what was wrong.

Then he said he would talk to me later and hung up.

So what the fuck is going on? How can he switch so dramatically from desperately wanting me there, to telling me he didn't want me to come at all? Do you think it sounds innocent? Or is there a suspicious reason for it?

I don't want to make a big deal over it because obviously the funeral will be hard for him. But there's something niggling at me telling me there's more to this.

I'll be very happy to be told it all sounds very normal.

Oh you poor thing. What a complete twat.

I fail to understand why this type of person lives on this way, treating everyone like shit, and saving the real special crap for the woman he supposedly 'loves'. It's not a way of life I understand, being vile, misogynistic and ultimately for no lasting benefit. Yeugh.

I'm sorry

Wow that is one seriously fucked up man to be so blatantly cruel to the woman who is carrying his child. You must feel raw right now OP but in one sense it is much better to find this out now rather than your son AND the new baby experiencing what a first class tosser he is. Your son will heal from this and so will you and you WILL cope. Most importantly is you ensuring your financial security. Get advice from everywhere and anywhere. Whilst he is clearly inept at being either a decent human being or it seems a future father, what he can and will have to do is financially support you and your baby. The fact is, at the forefront of all your posts is your concern for your children which just proves what an amazing mother you are. Don't you dare let that wank shaft make you question your parenting abilities. All that happened is that you got taken in by a con man. A con man who convinced you he was half decent. A con man who tried to be someone he wasn't until he couldn't play that part any longer. Screw him, because you know what? Karma does happen. Not immediately, not necessary in a few months or a few short years, but it definitely does eventually come home to roost. The difference between you and him? He'll always be a cock sniff but you will move on from what he tainted in your life and you will survive, you will hold your head up high and you will celebrate in the joy of your gorgeous children. Don't you dare waste your tears on him. In short you were always out of his league. Good luck OP.

Wow thank you so much for your post monkeys. I don't think I can justify it with a proper reply because this is the second night I've had no sleep at all. But it's so nice.

Bless you and thank you. No need to send a 'proper' reply. Just focus on you and yours and get as much rest as you can

Oh no Little what an utter arsewipe he is! :(

I would say, if you can manage to do it, that you should maybe just sack him off now yourself, take back the control in this situation.

I agree that you shouldn't go to the funeral - not for anyone else's sake but your own - I would imagine that there are plenty of people there who would know about your STBEx's plans to "fuck you off" and you don't need that.

I wish I could give you a big hug because boy do you need one from someone who actually cares about you, instead of this joker.

And please, please - you are a great mum and you will be a great mum to your new baby as well - con men only manage to con people BECAUSE they are good at what they do. There is no blame attached to being taken in by one.

I also agree that your concern for your kids has been palpable throughout this and that'll never change.

He's going to be a shit Dad as he's a lazy fair weather fucker who runs for the hills when he couldn't be arsed with hassle. So get every penny of child support you're entitled to out of him when the baby comes.

I also would probably be petty enough to make myself "single" on FB prior to the funeral so everyone knows in advance and he doesn't get to decide the narrative. And if people ask you what happened? Tell them via PM. Fuck him. Don't give him the opportunity to control the story. Cos he will. Very quickly.

I can't believe someone I loved could be this horrible

I wouldn't call it karma but I do believe we reap what we sow. Seen it. Technicolour.

Try to minimise the shock. Try not to let it dig deep into your soul. He is a vile shit. What he's done is bad enough, don't let what he's done overshadow your life.

Rise up, in essence. You can do it lovely

Take care love. Some men really are utter pieces of shit.

At least you will expect the charm offensive when it comes and know to bounce it back.

I hope he is set to leave your home this weekend and never set foot in it again

He's already gone. He had somewhere he could go back to pretty quickly. He hasn't been back since I recieved that text. Obviously he will need to at some point. But he's had his funeral with whoever is more important than me, his child, and his friends memory now. So he'll be happy.

I am so sorry to hear of what you have been through.
What a truly hideous man. He can't even grow up - as he is forty years old.
You can bring up your children without him.
What an arsehole
x

Op try and stay strong

You are worth a bloody million of him and quite obviously put your DC first.

He is disgusting

I am so sorry

He sounds like a total lying bastard. Your DCs are lucky they have you to offset his negative influence. That being said, please don't leave his name off the birth cert. He is your babies father and your child needs to know where he/she came from, who his/her dad is. Also, if there is any chance of him making a financial contribution you don't want to bugger that up by having no dad on the certificate.

It sounds like there is a rough road ahead for you. I hope the birth goes well and that you get the man and partner you deserve one day.

Liiinoo Leaving the father's name off the birth certificate doesn't prevent a mother from getting child maintenance from him. Legally a father has to pay it whether he's on the birth certificate or not.
cmoptions.org/en/maintenance/child-maintenance-law.asp

oh he is vile. I agree, no name on birth certificate, block him and his lovely brother on FB or anywhere else and gird your loins and gather whatever support around you that you can muster. Oh and I am afraid to say an STI test may well be advised too - sorry.

Sorry he's done this to you OP. You sound really switched on, you'll be fine

Op ... I am so sad for you

You strike me a strong, intelligent woman and you will be just fine without this snivelling arsewipe in your life. Please try and get a proper night sleep for you and your children(s) sake ... you all deserve it ... hugs

TBH, as the OP isn't married to him, she won't be able to put his name on the birth certificate without him authorising her to do so, either by being there or a statutory declaration.

From the government website:

1. Who can register a birth

Opposite-sex couples

Unmarried parents

The details of both parents can be included on the birth certificate if one of the following happens:

they sign the birth register together
one parent completes a statutory declaration of parentage form and the other takes the signed form to register the birth
one parent goes to register the birth with a document from the court (eg a court order) giving the father parental responsibility

So no, unless he agrees, he won't be able to be put on the BC.

So so sorry, LittlePeter - he sounds truly horrible. :(

Oh so sorry this has happened to you, OP. Another one saying don't put him on the birth cert.

Hi OP. I've just read the whole thread and wanted to say that although it doesn't seem like much now, in a few months you'll be glad that this happened. He showed you who he was. An absolute coward. Good luck, you are and will continue to be amazing xxx

I hope you are OK, OP.

If you can bear coming back to this thread, please read and really think about things like this:

"the fact is, at the forefront of all your posts is your concern for your children which just proves what an amazing mother you are. Don't you dare let that wank shaft make you question your parenting abilities." From SomeDays

"Good luck, you are and will continue to be amazing xxx" from Rosie

"You strike me a strong, intelligent woman and you will be just fine ..." From loobyloo

"Sorry he's done this to you OP. You sound really switched on, you'll be fine " from Aye

This is who you are. You're a good mother, a kind and caring person who gives so much to your family. You are smart, and have a big heart, which some tosser has taken advantage of, but he can't take your smartness, or your loving nature.

You can cope with this awful time, though right now it might feel like you're breaking. Just gotta keep on going through this awfulness, to get to the other side.