AIBU to be fed up and jealous

[cinderallaswife]

My husband has a good job but the pay is not that great, we have a significant amount of debt, so money is tight but not impossible. The majority of the debt stems from toys my husband has treated himself too including boats and various cars.
I am feeling really low at the moment as my husband has just been on a week long business trip travelling first class and enjoying Michelin star food whilst staying in a lovely 5 star hotel. He came back from his trip and went straight out on a lads weekend without coming home. The kids are really missing him, especially today as he won't be home till late tonight.
Whilst he's been away I have run everything including walking the dog twice per day and working full time. I'm exhausted. When he arrives home he will expect a roast dinner and the house to be clean and tidy and his shirts etc ironed for the week.
All of this would be fine but, the last time we went out as a couple was 14 months ago for a drink at our local pub and the only meals out I get are when my parents take us out about twice a year to the local pub. I feel very depressed as my husband seems to have a great life whilst I am stuck at home saddled with debt which doesn't allow me to have fun. When he does arrive back tonight their will be washing to do, he will expect an 'early night' and I will be up at 6am to start the daily chores.
AIBU to be fed up and depressed or am I just jealous?

Daughter and I now watching a DVDs. Dry laundry has not been put away nor bed linen changed, and upstairs laundry hamper still not empty. Roast will pop in oven later.

I feel nervous as hell, but will see what happens when DH arrives later.

Thanks everyone for your advice, there's a lot to think about!

OP what a brilliant first step.

Please now detach from this man, he is not the source of your self worth/happiness/security. You are.

The whole point is that you have a voice and have nothing to fear.

OP, my DH is also away at the moment. I do not have any DC - my DC will not be getting or expecting a spotless house when he gets home. And although I will cook for him, it will be a nice surprise and will be appreciated. This is normal, fair marriage.

If you are not able to have the 2 booked holidays, you cancel them both and arrange something for the whole family within budget - sun £10 holiday / camping / caravan etc. One person doesn't take both holidays for himself!

He is spectacularly selfish, and it is amazing to me that you are asking for outside opinions on this.

If the debts are half hours, so is any spare money. So he doesn't get first pick of any money for toys or holidays.

I suspect that your family see you as 'woe is me' because you ensure that he is always portrayed as a great man, because you love him and want everyone to love him too. If they knew the full story, they'd think he was a prick just as we do.

Stop asking / negotiating. Tell him what is happening. You are taking some time for yourself, you are not running around like a headless chicken doing the cleaning. And if he doesn't like it? You will leave, he will have to clean and cook for himself, pay you maintenance, you will no longer help him build up debt, and he will need to set aside time for contact with his children.
Be tough OP

OP, well done. This day could be an absolute watershed for you and your children.

Well done OP, especially for the realisation with your children!
Good luck

Well done OP, especially for the realisation with your children!
Good luck

I wholeheartedly agree with every poster that has posted on this thread.

You have money concerns, yet he buys expensive toys and goes on weekend breaks with friends......and sulks if you go out for one night.

Do you want your children to reenact your relationship.....? Where the male swans off, buys whatever he likes, does little chores/childcare and the female works full time and does everything else in top?

Your children are going to get older and will eventually leave. What will you do then...sit at home, waiting whilst life passes you by?

Your aunt is right, you are parenting four children. You now need to become a little selfish and put your own needs/wants first in order to secure a happy and loved filled life.

That may mean asserting yourself, ignoring his tantrums, making plans to go out (not asking him but telling him) and not jumping/rushing making food/tidying when he barks orders.

Or

Make plans to leave.

Well done op, it's a start.

Do not wash and iron his shirts snd have a nesl kn the tabke. You work ft. Its 2016.

I've read some sad things Op but this is just awful.

You deserve to live your life. Not facilitate his.

Please listen to what advice has been given and make today the start of your beginning.

If not for your sake then your DDs

Come on you can do it for your daughter, imagine she was in a marriage like this. You wouldn't want her to waste her life. It's never to late to leave and have the life you want.

Sorry OP but he sounds like a user and a right selfish,inconsiderate bastard person to boot. Unfortunately,there seems to be a hell of a lot of men like this out there. Which is why we women often end up leaving them.

Op why was your daughter mopping the floor and not your son? have you started to divide the roles up or what?

Him playing on the computer passing time while your daughter does the chores. Cinderella in training I see.

I had one a bit like this (not as bad thank God), he was a shit husband. He will soon be my ex-husband. I have never felt happier. You could be too. Xx

Oh Lord, your husband is a selfish ass.
My dh has asked if he could swap places with your dh.

If I didn't know better I would think you were describing my marriage.

I thought I could put up with him treating me like crap for the sake of the DCs.

One of things that made me really stop and think was the idea that my DCs would grow up thinking that mum does everything and dad does Maccies and Xbox.

If you have 'Welcome' stamped on your forehead, it's a green light to the selfish and entitled to wipe their feet on you. Your aunt is right, you are a single parent in a relationship, I've been there and done that and it was a lonely and humiliating experience.

You won't believe the energy it takes to put up with being treated badly until you limit your exposure to it and you underestimate the damage done to your children, watching someomeone you love being treated badly, again, been there and done that.

This is who he is and there is no parallel universe where he isn't a selfish, abusive and entitled arse for you to stumble into.

Rant away but if you want different, then you have to do different.

This reminds me of an episode of Wife Swap. Two brothers swapped wives. One was poor, but a lovely husband, the other was a right shit to his wife. Did nothing in the house and spent no time with the kids and treated his wife like a servant.

At the end the wealthier, shit of a husband realised just what a lazy tosser he had been and his wife said, unless there were permanent changes, she was off and she meant it.

This arrogant, me me me man was crying like a baby at the thought of losing his fabulous wife. That's where your husband needs to be and he never will all the time you put up with this appalling treatment.

Reading this makes me grateful to be single!

Delete the grand prix recording now!

In the 21st century there really is no need to accept this behaviour. At the moment you are an enabler all in the name of 'love'. You need to love your kids more because they have a future. Ask yourself -whats the really worst that could happen? He sulks/has a hissy fit? Crack on, and air your views in return.

Wow. You have so much power (you have f/t work and your own income).
You can live without this Life sapping maggot.
I can't understand why you're still with him. You absolutely don't need to be.
I'm similar but work v. P/t nmw job so cannot go.

You should ditch the fucker!

You are little more than a domestic appliance and you are teaching your daughter to be the same

Make your son do the mopping and then have a fucking good think about how and why you have allowed this situation to occur

You are part of the problem, love, and your pathetic man pleasing has actually made me feel angry

Be a domestic drudge on your own account if you must but be aware you are passing it on to the next generation

I despair

So he (and you?) think he deserves all his toys and treats and free time and you ski vying or him because he works hard, but where has that "hard" work got you and your DC other than struggling with debt and him being an effectively absent parent?

Well done for taking the first step, stay strong.

This is a shocking way to treat you. Don't plan to leave. Plan to get him to leave.

Incidentally in case you are wondering I have the time to write this as my DD is mopping the ground floor of the house for me. I have just over heard her say ' I guess this is my life now '. I'm feeling ashamed.

Yep - you are teaching your daughter that she is less important than the "men" of the house.

She has much higher odds than the average to be abused in any marriage that she makes. The big question is the type of abuse that you are conditioning her to put up with.