New baby - interfering inlaws

[MusicIsMedicine]

Baby is 2 weeks old. Came by C-Section so I am still recovering.

Inlaws visited today. They walked in and lifted baby straight out of cot (she was fast asleep) without even asking me.

Then asked me what was for dinner.

Then spent the full visit interfering in everything from her name to her feeding to her sleeping. It was like I don't exist and they were her parents! Grandma referred to her as 'her girl.'

She breast feeds. She had a low birth weight - 4lb and is a tiny baby who needs small feeds very frequently.

Final straw was grandma refusing to hand her back to me saying she doesn't need feeding yet. Then when they left, saying it's time to wean her off these 2 hourly feeds. I wanted to say - and do what, starve her?!

They are coming back tomorrow, having left a stack of dishes today. They informed me, not asked, informed me they'd be here at breakfast time.

Help. How do I put boundaries in.

Am fuming.

Oh my days, I really feel for you!! Do they not realise you have had MAJOR surgery??? And they expect a dinner??? I would of gone spare!! Any how take it easy f everyone else just you and baby!! Congratulations on bubba xxxx

Please, keep that baby on the boob! I had hg, my little one was small and it took an awful lot of constant feeding to get him up onto the weight charts.

Calling your HV to come round and read them the riot act is a great idea - can you go that?

Stay in bed as much as possible and ignore the lot of them you're recovering from a tough pregnancy and major abdominal surgery ffs as well as caring for your newborn DD. Can you get the midwife/hv to pop around and sort them out?!!

I've just read your thread. You must be knackered. I agree ring your midwife/HV and ask for a visit today. Explain the situation and ask for help. Don't be running around after in laws they should be looking after you!!
And congrats on the baby :)

Congratulations on your new baby!!!

I really feel for you as I imagine this will be what mil will be like. She's already said she'll take 6 months to stay with us once we have a baby. so all my maternity leave then

Agree with others. Stay in bed/bedroom. Don't wait on them. Your priority right now is you and baby. Not them. And they (all three of them) need to realise that. And you should be theirs.

CS is major surgery and you need six weeks to recover. Your 'D'H is neglecting your health and welfare! You shouldn't be doing anything other than resting.

Absolutely call your HV asap and get some help. These situations are so detrimental at a time when you should be bonding and enjoying your baby. In fact, if they won't go then call the police! (Remembering my own experiences here!).

Is baby in the bedroom with you? You need to be near baby at this stage, don't let them take her downstairs.

Has your dh spoken to you since they got here about your text?

I'd be tempted to show him this thread (just in case you do YOUR HUSBAND IS BEING AN ABSOLUTE UNSUPPORTIVE PRICK AND PUTTING HIS PARENTS' NEEDS OVER THOSE OF HIS WIFE AND NEW BABY).

I have been here op. My ex mother in law came for a month for each of my children.

I remember I went to hospital for a sweep on my second and then a walk around the park. Told my husband I didn't want her there but he was spineless and that precious time was ruined. I never forgave him.

When I had my third, she came again, on an open plane ticket with no end in sight. I had my daughter at ten pm on Friday night and I was sat at my desk on Monday morning. At the time I worked for a couple of hours a day and my mum looked after baby while I was gone.

I would just brave it and talk to them yourself. Tell them you have been up all night and that you are going to go back to bed once baby sleeps so no pint in them wasting their day sitting in your house staring at four walls.

I wish I had said something on my first. He was the first grandson and she would take him from me at every opportunity. Started calling him cocker too! Every time she said it I would say his actual name.

Good luck.

After all that hard work standing and walking yesterday, your stitches must hurt so bad today that you need to visit the doctor / stay in bed?

Oddsocksgalore, maybe she had been hoping for a spaniel?

OP go get your baby and spend the day in bed relaxing and feeding. They are behaving appallingly! You should be waited on not waiting on them! Very angry on your behalf :(

I agree with siani about getting HV or community midwife round while they're there to tell them in no uncertain terms to back off. Mine were great. My overbearing know it all mother who insisted on being at DSs birth turned upto visit at the hospital the next day and was read the riot act by the paediatrician and midwife when she tried to dismiss me when I said she wasn't to pick him up (very difficult birth, shoulder dystocia, bruising from ventouse, DS was resuscitated at birth etc) I've never ever seen my mother back down but she did so pretty quickly then.

Raven- it's what her mother used to call my ex husband when he was a child. It drove me nuts. The last straw for me when was he was about ten months old. I put him in his high chair for breakfast, which she insisted on feeding him and I went for a shower. When I came down I caught her giving him chocolate that she had sucked first. I almost threw up and shouted at her what the hell do you think your doing?!!!!

Later that evening when we all sat down to dinner, I pulled her plat towards mine and offered to chew her meat for her!

OMFG I am actually fuming reading this. I would be marching into that room and telling your in laws to get the fuck out of your house. They actually had the brass neck to turn up at 8.30am? WTAF. I can't believe they demanded dinner from you - I can't understand how inconsiderate selfish twats actually exist on this planet.

As for your OH ... There are no words. He is behaving appallingly. So he's not even there now? He lets his parents into your home and then fucks off?

Right, here's your action plan:

Tell your in laws that they need to leave right now and that unless they stop acting like such selfish entitled arseholes by expecting a woman recovering from major surgery to cook them dinner, then they will never be allowed in your home again.

Do not express. Your baby should have unlimited access to the boob. Baba will need to feed non stop. So get into bed, take your top off and snuggle up. Expressing can mess with supply (increase or decrease it) and isn't advised unless under the advice of a professional.

Your OH can either shape up or ship out. If he won't support you and your baby then he can go back to mummy and daddy.

Finally, get health visitor to do a home visit and read the riot act to OH.

One last thing - get those boundaries in ASAP. This sort of thing is exactly what will be a fast pass to PND. Protect yourself and your mental health. I know it's hard at a time like this when you're hormonal, exhausted and overwhelmed.

Odd socks I love your reaction to MIL. It's horrible to have a Mil who completely undermines you and tries to make out she is helping when really she isn't. Or at least not if it involves putting anyone else (inc baby first)

I bet ops mil is making out to friends "Poor op has nobody to help so we are going to stay in a hotel for a few weeks, don't want to impose, you know" Op have you given them some jobs yet? They might be older but they certainly ain't unfit if they were up and round at 8.30.

You are buying food on your overdraft? He has gone out and left you hungry with a new born 2 weeks after a c-section.

Is there a hell of a lot more going on than this MIL trouble,? I get the feeling PILs are actually the least of your worries. They'll be gone soon.

Maybe a call to WA would be a good idea.

Agree a quick call to WA can't do any harm.
Have a chat with them and they can analyse and see it for what it is and then advise you.
I really hope you are still in your room and fast asleep with baby.
And yes, lose your shit at the lot of them and kick them all out!

What are your living arrangements?
Renting? Mortgaged?

So, how did today go OP? I'm guessing that your plan was to let them in, with you and baby staying in the bedroom. Only that's not what happened?

If he won't let you bar them from the house then maybe it's time to leave or kick him out. You have to protect your baby, that's the only thing that matters. I really feel for you.
Although being a single mum is hard work, it is so liberating not to have to worry about a knobhead partner/husband.

OP hope you're ok.

I'm hopeful that op is enjoying some quiet time or sleep with her lovely newborn and the pils are nowhere to be seen!

Hope you're ok OP Let us know how today went x