how to cope in sexless marriage?

[Jamandcheese]

Does anyone else have a marriage with no sex? If you do, how do you cope without that intimacy?

We have sex probably once or twice a year. Last June being the last time we had sex. Or kissed properly.

Do you just become used to no sex? Are the hugs and sitting on the couch together enough?

It’s really sad what’s happened between us but I do love my wife and don’t want the Marridge to end nor does my wife but I miss affection, I feel that I am fighting to make it work but my wife can’t explain what’s going on in her head as to why she no longer wants affection/sex. She is adamant that she wants us to stay together and so do I but what can I do?? Have an affair??? That’s only gonna end up hurting so many people

Male perspective here,been with girlfriend for 3 years,not living together and have completely opposite lives,i work full-time in a physical job, gf works from home very leisurely and ideally would just use the 3 times a week we see each-other to have sex,theres literally never any time that shes not thinking about having sex to the point that she gets annoyed and starts arguments once shes realised that shes not going to get it that evening.Its not a control thing on my part either,more that after a day at work and then travelling to her house Im simply too exhausted for for sex.Resentment is building on both sides I think,apart from that were really compatiable and have a lot of fun together.Ive suggested just being friends which enrages her,but Im never going to be the sexual animal that I think that she needs.She says that shes never been particularly sexual previously,which is flattering but highly doubtful. Hopefully well strike a balance,but it annoys me a bit that she has the time and energy to think about and desire sex constantly.

That’s the other side of the coin, you and your gf can have it all the time. I wouldn’t complain as I’d rather be in your shoes than mine 👍👍

My situation is nowhere near as bad as that of many here. I get kisses, I get cuddles - but that’s where it ends. Divorce might be the right answer for some, an affair might be right for others (although that’s a minefield - does ones partner have to agree, do they have to know, what about their feelings?), and for others (including myself, I think) it’s a case of grin and bear it (oh, and come here to have a wee grumble! Thanks for listening! There should be a support group with a circle of chairs, tea and biscuits - if that doesn’t quell any excess libido, nothing will!)
The sad thing is, I even count the days! 1097 - and counting!

It's been 15 years for me. It's very hard sometimes. I feel like crap most of the time. I feel 100% rejected and unwanted. But I have to go on. I have a son who is in uni now. I don't bring anything up to my wife as it makes her feel bad, I know this as for the first few years of nothing. I store my feelings inside now and feel broken. I sit in bed sometimes, she asks what's wrong and I just say I've eaten something bad. My mind mostly goes blank and zombie like. I have come to know it's the end of that part of my life, but hard to accept it still. I do look forward to finishing my life in old age. Finally this feeling will be gone, until then I have to hold myself together as best as I can, for her and my family. I hope I can do it. It's only another 30 years or so...

i’m in a sexless relationship and im fit to shag anything. what a lady i am.

Nine years to the day for me.....

Ive been married for quite a few years and love my wife and I am extremely attracted to her. Our sex life has never been the main driving force to our relationships. Before we met I had a couple of relationships where the lust and sex were the driving force but when you scratched the surface they had no depth.

My wife and I built our relationship on friendship. The sex, although not that frequent, has always been enjoyable and at times extremely passionate (I assume for us both). The frequency of our intimacy has always troubled me a bit, its something I never liked to talk about as I didn't ever want my wife to think it was a duty thing. I've always tried to change things about myself to see if things improved.

A couple of years ago, during an argument, I told her that the frequency of our sex life bothered me a bit more than I'd ever like to admit. she said that she had realised that it must but due to life getting in the way it wasn't a priority for her. Like many other people, many years ago I had stopped making the first move due to the fact I did't really like the 99% rejection rate. As neither of us wanted to be apart from each other I suggested celibacy, I had been celibate for several moths at a time sometimes during our marriage. I also suggested separate rooms. She wasn't at all happy about these ideas and told me that she wanted to find a solution. A few days later I found a magazine article online and it talked about familiar issues to ours. I copied the link and sent it to her by email. I told her I'd sent it and she wasn't pleased. She said we don't need any help we can figure it out. Things improved very slightly with two date nights over the following two months leading to intimacy but despite still making the effort the sex dropped off. Over a year later we were having another row and I raised the issue again telling her things haven't improved she shut me down immediately saying "I new this would be brought up again".

Last week, while we were both relaxed having a general chat about life etc I gentry steered the conversation in the direction of lack of intimacy. This did't go down too well and she has told me she's not that interested in sex due to her lacking in confidence. She wants to be married and wants to share our bed. I'm just really confused, cheesed off, miserable etc etc etc.

I was in one, although there were overriding factors which ultimately ended the marriage.