DH has gone missing

[HeadWrecked26]

Name changed for this as I don't want this attached to my usual name.

Long story short DH (and his friend) has gone missing and I have no idea what to do!

He went out to friends on Sunday evening around 6. He called at 9ish said he was staying out but would be home approx 10am Monday morning.
All fine as he didn't have work etc etc.
I had a message from his friend st around 2pm Monday saying that DHs phone has died and that DH is really sorry he is late but he'll be home by tea time.
Since then no one has seen or heard from DH or his friend.
I've checked the police custody suite, hospitals, as many friends that I can think of and been round to friends house but obviously no one was there.
I'm worried sick, I can't sleep, can't eat and my anxiety is only letting me think the worst has happened.

I know this is about ranty, sorry for that! I just needed to talk about how scared I am. Can anyone think of a logical explanation to where they could have got to? I need abit of hope that he's okay!

I started reading your thread last night. I spent over an hour on my phone in bed from beginning to end. I really thought he was dead tbh.
I still cannot believe he did this to you, as many others I am fuming for you.
I can't imagine how difficult this must be, but stay strong.
If you break down, cuddle your baby and get strength from him.

Only a few weeks ago this happened to my friend . I've no idea how these men think they will get away with it . We had the police out , a missing report .. Quite shocking !!

You can and you will cope with it.
Honestly you will.
You fell completely broken right now and that's hardly surprising.
Do you have family or friends who can step in and help you out.

If you are feeling really low the do call the Samaritans. Also go and see your GP for help.

Although I was cheated on and he left, I can't imagine what this must be like for you.
After a week of sheer hell, panic and worry and now this revelation.

You need to fake it 'til you make it!
God, I wanna kill him!!!

You are not pathetic - take 5 minutes at a time, or 10. That is enough for now. Just keep breathing and just hold on. Try and drink, bit of food even a yoghurt will help. Keep talking. So many of us have gone through similar and live to tell the tale. You can and will too x

You are certainly not pathetic!! He is though! I hope it was worth it for him. The stupid bastard!!
Take care of yourself OP, because he certainly isn't worth you making yourself I'll x

Keep strong Head, this is one of the most shocking things I have read on here, how dare he call himself a husband. What a absolute failure.

I hope that you have someone with you

Sweetie. You are in shock and riding an enforced roller coaster of emotions. It will feel like that. But it will also feel better bit by bit. Hang in there, one day at a time. Let it out wherever you need. You have been wronged and you need to work through the shitty emotions. Everything you are feeling is completely understandable. So sorry

you are a million miles from pathetic. what he has done to you is the lowest of the low.

You get to move on and to rebuild (bit by bit, one step at a time). He will always, always know he has behaved unspeakably badly - there is zero justification for what he did and he will have to live with that.

Keep writing everything down - all the crap that he spouts, all the lies, the gaslighting, the excuses - write some o fit here if you want, but keep your own personal diary.

then when he realises the enormity of what he did to you and his child, you have every single bit of it you can re-tell him over and over again- and makes sure your child knows what an utter shit has father is. He will never get to say "i was just a bit of an idiot" he will always be the "that pathetic man" who left his wife and child without a second thought. He will be the one that suffers in the long term.

Good luck, OP - and please do not be hard on yourself - not one tiny bit of this was your fault.

You are not the pathetic one. I think you are possibly in shock and that is not surprising after what you have been through. Take a deep breath. Give yourself as much time as you need to process this, there is no rush to sort stuff out. You will cope, one thing at a time. Don't put anymore pressure on yourself than is necessary right now.

Have a sweet cup of tea (it's my answer to everything) & try and eat something. I hope you have friends around you.

You are the furthest thing from pathetic.

Of course you feel like you can't cope. You didn't think you would have to.

You've had a horrendous few days and now an absolute bombshell.

Stop coping. Cry. Scream. Lie down. Eat crap.

Then, keep going.

You can do it.

OP you are not pathetic - reserve that word for your "D"H.

What you are is someone caught up in an maelstrom of anger, upset, disappointment and disbelief.

It's really ok to feel how you will - angry one minute, broken and sobbing the next, then strong and purposeful and then furious again. That's very normal.

Firstly be kind to yourself - try and eat and keep hydrated, even if it's just the odd nibble here and there.

Gather your RL support around you.

If you have the strength (but this can wait a few days) try and book some time with a solicitor and start gathering up any documentation you can find (insurance/bank/rent/mortgage).

Keep posting if it helps you - you don't owe anyone on here the gory details so just post what you feel able to or ask for advice - sadly there will be a lot of it to be had - it doesn't make it better but you are neither the first or last person to find out the person they married was not who they thought he was .

Headwrecked you have had an emotional rollercoaster of a week. You have been through every possible scenario and your heart has panicked at the thought that the man you love was dead. You were likely numb when he told you what had happened last night, today you are reflecting and its like the sticking plaster has been pulled off your emotions and heart. You are now grieving for your relationship, and allowing yourself to feel, after a week of having to shut off your emotions as much as possible in order to stay strong for your baby. You are absolutely not pathetic, that word can only be attributed to your coward of an ex. Hold your head up high, you are strong, you made it through a week that would bring most people to their knees in distress. You will have good days and bad days, but you will not have to worry about your world being pulled apart at the seams by a coward who couldn't face being honest. He is the loser in all of this, he has very likely lost his job and I'm willing to bet that he will have lost several friends over the way he has treated you. Hopefully he will have the decency to go back under the stone he was hiding under before. Hold your baby close, your lives can only get better now, without that waste of space.

I have unfortunately been where you are. You will be in shock at the moment, the rug has been pulled out from underneath you.

You will get through this, there will be a point where you realise that actually you are better off without him. I almost feel relieved that my ex had an affair, as it gave an absolute end to our relationship.

I will pass on a piece of advice that I found invaluable at the time; try not to ask questions and don't delve deep to find out in the ins and outs of the affair, none of the answers and findings will make you feel better, they will only hurt you and make you feel worse. He had an affair, that is all you really need to know.

I am so sorry you are going through this .

HeadWrecked I am so sorry. This is exactly the kind of thing my ex would do, so I can understand to an extent how devastated you are. and hugs.

Pathetic is the last word I'd associate with you OP xxx

I think this is one of the saddest threads I've read on MN in a long time

I'm so sorry for you, HeadWrecked. What a cruel man your husband is.

What a complete fucking bastard he is HeadWrecked. I'm so sorry.

You can cope. The pain and anger are severe now. This won't be for ever.

Stay strong for your little DC. You will get through this and you will be happy again.

I actually really hoped this was not true but sadly it appears it is.

OP keep your head held high and look after yourself and your lovely baby.

I really wanted to hope for the best when I started this thread and now I'm so sad for you.

I've never heard anything like this ever ! What planet was he on that he thought he could just disappear and have an affair.

Look after yourself and your lo xx

Wish I could go over and help you bag all crap up. My heart hurts for you and what he's done to you and your baby. Gutless fucking wonder he is.

I'm a believer in Karma. I hope this OW drops him like a hot potato and he's left with nothing. That would be sweet sweet revenge.

Sending bigs hugs.

Sending you lots of love, you will get through it. One day, one hour, one minute at a time and as time goes on you will will feel stronger. Don't feel pathetic for feeling like you cannot cope, cry, scream, stamp your feet release it. Then when you feel better take one step at a time. DP left me and 6 month old DS 2 years ago while I had severe PND. I found it helpful to write down a list of a couple of things to do for the next day so I could focus on that rather than feel daunted at the prospect the changes coming. Slowly you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. Keep talking, write it down, start a blog anything to release the pain, anger, shock hurt and confusion. You are not pathetic you are human.

You are well rid of that despicable excuse of a man. Angry for you

The best gift he's about to give you is knowing the strength you have within you...for you and your LO

what I don't imagine you'd be able to cope with is having him back and not trusting him thus wasting the best years of yours and LO's life

You can do this...you are worth more than he's given you

What an utter utter bastard. I've never heard of men behaving like this before. I thought I'd seen it all OP.

For you .

Oh love, you can cope and you will cope