DH has gone missing

[HeadWrecked26]

Name changed for this as I don't want this attached to my usual name.

Long story short DH (and his friend) has gone missing and I have no idea what to do!

He went out to friends on Sunday evening around 6. He called at 9ish said he was staying out but would be home approx 10am Monday morning.
All fine as he didn't have work etc etc.
I had a message from his friend st around 2pm Monday saying that DHs phone has died and that DH is really sorry he is late but he'll be home by tea time.
Since then no one has seen or heard from DH or his friend.
I've checked the police custody suite, hospitals, as many friends that I can think of and been round to friends house but obviously no one was there.
I'm worried sick, I can't sleep, can't eat and my anxiety is only letting me think the worst has happened.

I know this is about ranty, sorry for that! I just needed to talk about how scared I am. Can anyone think of a logical explanation to where they could have got to? I need abit of hope that he's okay!

WTF?! What an absolute fuckwit. So sorry for the heartache you're suffering Head. Wishing you and your DS all the best, sounds like you're better off without the manchild. and big hugs

Unbelievable! Can't believe someone could actually stoop so low. What did he think you'd do? Just disregard the fact he was missing for 4 days and he'd just rock back up and everything would be fine no questions asked. What a tosser!

I hope you are managing to get some sleep. I am shocked at the outcome, even after so many years on MN :(

Take care of yourself.

Oh, Head What an absolutely pathetic, fuckwitted twat you have been married to. You poor woman, he's put you through hell FOR NO BLOODY REASON except being too bloody useless to pack a bag and say "sorry, this is goodbye".

He was planning to come back with a packet of NHS aspirins and a sob story, then? God, I hate him! And I don't even know him. I can imagine what you must be feeling - all the different things you must be feeling - about now.

You're going to need your friends. Glad you had someone with you.

Be very, very kind to yourself, please. That's an order! Rest, rant, eat, take baby out. You know.

Un-MN hug and a sturdy squeeze of the shoulder.

How dare he behave like this! Honestly, how did he think this was going to pan out!? I'm so sorry for you OP. Have you let him home?

I'm so sorry to read this. All I can suggest for now is to put a latch on the door (or change the locks!) and take time to yourself to get your head around it all and what you plan to do. I wouldn't be letting him back in under any circumstance. He is not to be trusted in any which way. Please get support from your friends, family, support lines, everything. The more, the better. It's an awful situation but as someone else said, you'll get through this better than he will.

I am so sorry to hear this op.
What a nasty excuse for a man

I second getting the locks changed and move any money out of the joint account into yours sp you don't miss any bill payments etc because he's taken it!

What the actual fuck?! Who does that? Disappears with another woman for 4 days and then breezily walls into A&E to what, make you feel sorry for him and forgive him?! Utter, utter wanker!!

I know it doesn't seem it right now, but this is actually a good thing that you've found out now, before you wasted any more years of your life with this waste of space! You deserve soooo much better!!

Take care of yourself OP, try to eat if you can and let friends and family help you and look after you and your little baby.

We are all here for support too, any time you need to sound off and vent.

Just caught up this morning, so sorry for what you've gone through op. I hope that you can keep posting for further support here. Your DH was an absolute twat for what he did.

He must have some sort of personality disorder.seriously.how could he do that otherwise? Heinous.When the dust settles I'm certain you will see this as being a lucky escape op. But for now please take care if yourself and allow others to help you until you are stronger if you need to.

I'm so sorry that he has put you through this OP

Oh headwreck i am so sorry.

I know it must be a relief that the outcome is he is alive and well but it doesnt sound like u had any reason to believe this would be the outcome.

What an awful shock. On the plus side he has shown the type of person that he is. If for any reason u start to think u want him back try and focus on what he did. No normal person dissapears off the face of the earth for four days or in such a calculated way. What on earth is the deal with turning phone off an leaving wallet?

You deserve so much better. Thinking of you.

Sorry OP :( was hoping for a better outcome for you

I'm regularly amazed at the sheer arseholery of some men but this really takes the biscuit.

OP, take care of yourself: emotionally, physically and financially. Get yourself a SHL and take him to the fucking cleaners.

and for you, I hope it's not too long before all you feel is relief that you're rid of this particular stain on your life.

OP if you are still reading.
You can get a lot of support (including practical info) from the relationship board. The wise women there may even be able to predict his next move - which can help.
Protect yourself and your DC.
Eat if you can, drink (not too much alcohol), if you can't eat - try soups/milkshakes etc.
Be kind to yourself.
Unfortunately an STI check is probably necessary.
Get legal advice.
Protect money.
If he's likely to come back to your house - protect legal documents.

Sorry for doubting you OP

What a shit situation. Hope you're ok.

I suspect the police had an inkling

What an absolute shit. Please do open a thread on relationships and get our help to kick his arse.

Oh OP, I'm so sorry

I'm so sorry OP.

Take all the support you can and try not to enjoy too much packing his stuff in bin liners less than carefully.

Best wishes to you. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

Sorry this turned out the way it did. The friend calling rather than him did make me think he was covering from the start, although tbh I suspect that the friend probably didn't realise that your DH was planning to actually disappear with this woman. Presumably he went to a&E when word got around that he was missing.

I'd imagine that friend not answering calls etc was more about him thinking you knew something and wanted answers rather than genuinely thinking the friend was with him iyswim.

As I said much further upthread get some legal advice. However, changing the locks and moving the money would be ill-advised as regardless of what he has done legally he is entitled to enter the marital home, and any money moved will just cause issues further down the line when looking at finances.

However, as he took no wallet, no cards and no money I would imagine he likely has another account you are unaware of, so when speaking to a solicitor do talk about looking into his finances.

So sorry OP, my heart goes out to you

I'm so sorry