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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH has gone missing

961 replies

HeadWrecked26 · 16/06/2016 00:47

Name changed for this as I don't want this attached to my usual name.

Long story short DH (and his friend) has gone missing and I have no idea what to do!

He went out to friends on Sunday evening around 6. He called at 9ish said he was staying out but would be home approx 10am Monday morning.
All fine as he didn't have work etc etc.
I had a message from his friend st around 2pm Monday saying that DHs phone has died and that DH is really sorry he is late but he'll be home by tea time.
Since then no one has seen or heard from DH or his friend.
I've checked the police custody suite, hospitals, as many friends that I can think of and been round to friends house but obviously no one was there.
I'm worried sick, I can't sleep, can't eat and my anxiety is only letting me think the worst has happened.

I know this is about ranty, sorry for that! I just needed to talk about how scared I am. Can anyone think of a logical explanation to where they could have got to? I need abit of hope that he's okay! Sad

OP posts:
Therealloislane · 16/06/2016 16:07

You're a better woman than me as by now I'd have rang my solicitor & filed for divorce!

PurpleThursday · 16/06/2016 16:07

loveyoutothemoon Even if your phone battery has died and you have no cash you still make contact!! Go to a police station, a homeless refuge, somewhere!! Or start the bloody walk home! You don't just 'exist' in some other place, it is mental! He must be eating/drinking/surviving somehow - it's been over 4 days!

Sadly drugs seem likely I fear.

Hand here OP Flowers

KoalaDownUnder · 16/06/2016 16:08

It's 2016. There's no way a fully-functioning adult couldn't get in contact with his wife for four DAYS if he actually wanted to. Dead phone or not.

EvansAndThePrince · 16/06/2016 16:10

It's so weird, why did the friend say he would be home Monday night if that was never the plan? Or the plan was never to go home at all? I'm hoping something has happened and that your DH has been too distracted to call. I know it's a weak excuse but my DH is RUBBISH at communication and if something went totally tits up while he was away, it'd take him a while to think "better call the missus!" It's shit behaviour but I'm hoping that it's something like this.

lissage · 16/06/2016 16:10

Same here loislane. I would be absolutely furious.

pearlylum · 16/06/2016 16:10

they have no way of getting home/contacting you.

We are talking about a grown man here. Of course he has a way of contacting her/going home.

LolBeansandSalad · 16/06/2016 16:11

My bet is got into trouble (work, money, whatever) so done a bunk in the hope that when he does eventually show you'll be so relieved he's not dead that you will cope with whatever 'it' is.

Just be warned, if this does turn out to be the case it may be a stunt that's pulled over and over. And it really wears thin after a while.

Nousernameforme · 16/06/2016 16:11

It would be the not knowing for me. You must be in limbo not wanting to be angry in case he's hurt but furious in case it is him tossing it off. Tbh for me there would be no good outcome now. If he isn't in a ditch somewhere i would leave him for putting me through this

Skittlesss · 16/06/2016 16:12

If they were seen in the town centre then hopefully there's CCTV that police can check.

ConkersDontScareSpiders · 16/06/2016 16:12

Glad there has been at least some sort of news op. Hope there is something more soon.

2nds · 16/06/2016 16:13

Headwrecked

What would be the reason they were walking through this other town? Does his friend have family or other mates there? Does his friend work there or live there?

You said your husband isn't close to his family but perhaps you should call them and let them know he's missing as you never know one of them might have an idea as to where he could be staying, they might know this pal of his?

ReginaldBlinker · 16/06/2016 16:13

Everyone seems to be assuming the worst here. OP, does he have a history of any mental health problems, either depression or worse? Perhaps he's staying with his mate while he tries to cope with things? I know it seems completely irrational to someone who is level-headed, but when you're in the midst of a massive low, it can all seem a bit too much.

Hoping it all turns out okay, I can't imagine how horrible this all must be for you.

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 16/06/2016 16:15

op has said no MH issues.....nothing like that

KateLivesInEngland · 16/06/2016 16:16

Best wishes for a happy end to this story, although seeing as he's apparently been seen, He better have a very good explanation!
If this were my OH he might be wishing he were dead when I caught up to him

PumpkinPies38 · 16/06/2016 16:18

OP my heart is breaking for you reading this you're doing an incredible thing being able to carry on for your child through all of this so keep on going. I really really hope the police get information on that lead about them being seen yesterday. You must be beside yourself. I pray he's found OK and you get some answers. If it was a selfish thing I couldn't forgive this he's out you through hell and abandoned his child!

In my honest opinion based on what you have said in this thread I think he's deliberately disappeared. I think he's likely to be ok. The main reason I think this is that he didn't come home on time, his friend contacted you not him (why not borrow your friend's phone?) and then when you called they didn't answer. Something is going on there. However to out you and your child through this is truly sickening- that's of course if he is indeed pottering about a town centre with his mate.

ReginaldBlinker · 16/06/2016 16:19

Ah, sorry Mum, must have missed that x

MyLlamasGoneBananas · 16/06/2016 16:23

Has he any other close mates?

If so please try speaking to them to see if he's mentioned amy thing at all to them in recent weeks or months that could possibly be at the bottom of all this. I would also ask our end or a couple of them to try calling (not texting where are you mate) to see if he answers or responds to them.
I think you need to try everything you can and use everyone you possibly can now.

Don't even consider the long term future of your relationship yet until you know exactly why/what had happened.

GarlicSteak · 16/06/2016 16:24

I have extreme depression. In the lowest depths of the pits of hell, I'm still able to send a text or email/PM within a four-day timeframe. I've also performed some spectacular substance abuse in the past, and the same. One or two days, maybe - but four? Nah.

PurpleThursday · 16/06/2016 16:26

Agree garlic

Is it worth calling his work again? Just to see if they have heard from him? He may have communicated some excuse to them by now??

EvansAndThePrince · 16/06/2016 16:28

Is the sighting genuine? I forget if op said it was just him or both of them, but until the police came back having seen cctv and identified him I wouldn't be reassured or...I guess that's the wrong word but you know what I mean.

RivieraKid · 16/06/2016 16:29

One or two days, maybe - but four? Nah.

Yeah, it's the sheer time scale that's so bizarre. I hope the sighting is real and he's safe for the OP's sake though, even if he did do a bunk. How long have you guys been married? Has anything changed recently at all?

GarlicSteak · 16/06/2016 16:29

Evans, we don't know yet. The possible sighting was by a friend of a friend, and it was both of them.

hillyhilly · 16/06/2016 16:30

OP I hope you get to speak to him soon, the uncertainty must be the hardest thing of all and is the most selfish aspect of what he's done. Whatever the explanation turns out to be, you've probably imagined worse over the past few days. I hope it turns out to be less than you fear.

lissage · 16/06/2016 16:30

Agree Evans. I've posted on the basis that the sighting was genuine and the friend of a friend is reliable, but OP really doesn't know for sure as it's not someone she knows.
It's horrible either way.

EatsShitAndLeaves · 16/06/2016 16:31

Assuming the sighting is accurate I would probably expect to find him pissed in a pub somewhere having watched the England match.

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