I now really dont believe that the majority of men are faithful

[isthismylifenow]

I know I am generalizing now, but once again I have had an "offer" from a married man.

I have posted frequently here, so maybe you remember me, but if not, separated for 6 months from a 20 year marriage.

I have been propositioned on a few occasions now, but this last one just takes the cake.

How offended on a scale of 1-10 would you be by this message..?

"If I were there right now, I would wine and dine you to your hearts content, then with your permission, would take you home and perform wild and wonderful sex bringing out the worst in you"

I reply in a joking manner (in your dreams...) as this is a friend I have know for some time, there has been banter in the past between us, but nothing more than a joke here and there.

His reply to that:

"I need something casual and safe, what do you say, are you keen to take it further"

WTAF! So I didn't even reply and now I am getting the "oh so ignoring me now messages"

I am upset. I don't think I am wrong in feeling upset. This has happened quite a few times now, in every case the man is 'happily' married.....well that is how it would appear when I was married and we were all mates. Now I am single, it seems like men think they have the right to treat me like a piece of meat, or 'ah its been 6 months, she must be gagging for it, so I will give her one'... its degrading and its making me start to dislike men. I am no man hater btw, but what gives them the fucking right to think that this is okay on any level.

I don't know if it matters any (it shouldn't, but maybe I have portrayed the wrong message) that since my separation I started going to gym (this was for me, somewhere to work out frustrations and clear my head, which is does and I enjoy going), and I think I probably look better than I have in quite some time.... I am eating better so my skin looks clearer, all things that have just given me a tiny bit of confidence, of which I had NONE at all before.

Now today I ate a big bag of crisps and don't even want to go to gym tonight, as I feel today I just want to put back on the weight.. but fuck them, why should I.. I am not boasting about losing weight, so please don't read it that way.....for once I tried to do something for me, and now I am being taken advantage of AGAIN, but in a different way now...

I don't go out of my way to flirt, as I said I had a bit of a banter with some friends for years, but nothing heavy. I didn't message him first, he messaged me about work stuff (I do work in a very male orientated industry) and then bam!

I am not over-thinking this am I???

I am a prostitute and I have no idea what percentage of men see us.

“10‰ have paid for sex" feels low to me. It doesn't take into account the many who pay for sex regularly. I get the feeling that the average punter pays about 4 or 5 times a year. I occasionally see someone for whom I am the first. I also occasionally see some who punt once a week or more.

They're all types of men, although my sample is constrained to those who can afford it.

I have long been cynical about men cheating. In my civilian life there have been plenty of propositions. But I think it's true of both sexes, biased perhaps towards men having greater opportunity as they're rarely stuck at home with small children.

In my opinion, many of the men paying are more happily married. Prostitutes are a safer option than an affair. While I take it all with a grain of salt, many volunteer to say that they love their wives as partners, co parents and friends, they don't get any sex at home.

I'm not sure if lots of sex will keep a man from straying, as no one woman can satisfy the novelty aspect, but I do think that being emotionally supportive can prevent the husband from leaving the marriage and all the financial issues that brings on the abandoned wife and children.

Massive, thanks for your post.

Do you find that married men are quite open about the fact they are married, and are saying the 'the not getting any at home' bit to justify why they are there?

I have male friends who absolutely don't cheat on their wives despite being very attractive and having admirers trying it on. They're in the minority though.

Most men who have the opportunity from someone tempting enough and believe they won't get caught, will cheat. They still love their wives and don't want to hurt them. They just want to sample something different. Or in some cases, they justify it because they don't get much sex at home. They think, if they don't get caught, then no harm done.

I reply in a joking manner (in your dreams...)

I think this was your first mistake tbh. To clarify, it's not your fault this man's a sleaze ball, but in that situation my reply wouldn't be remotely jokey and would leave him shitting himself that his wife is going to find out.

I have a lovely friend who has been single for a while. And she tells me all the time about how she gets hit on by people she's not encouraged in the slightest... then a few days ago me & said friend were waiting to pick up our DC from Beavers. A married dad who had tried to chat her up recently comes over to say hi to us. She automatically goes into flirt mode, starts flicking her hair and being all loud, and he bends down to move a door stop thing and she laughs and says "Ooh while your down there mate!" .

When we all left and he had gone I told my friend I'm not surprised she gets chatted up so much if she does a Barbara Windsor on every man she talks to - and she seemed genuinely shocked that I thought she was flirting . Apparently that's just 'friendly banter'.

Maybe it is and I'm just an old fart, but I really think in her case, and possibly in some others, some men are looking for the slightest little signal (sometimes not so little). And in general, if you don't give them out, you don't get them back.

And btw also meant to say - I truly think it's sad you think the majority of men would cheat. I really don't believe that.

I find when they have a wedding ring on its a bit of a giveaway

I'm not sure if lots of sex will keep a man from straying, as no one woman can satisfy the novelty aspect God what a sad state of affairs if there's any truth in that.

The only thing that keeps a man from straying is that he's an honest, decent and trustworthy man who doesn't want to cheat, because he loves and respects his wife/partner. And I genuinely believe there are more of them out there than the sleazy ones.

Laconnerie
My own life/work observations and stats does not agree.
Nice to think this way though.

Fair enough - maybe I'm just lucky, or happen to have a particularly nice friendship group and family - with regards to my parents, grandparents, etc, they were/are all still married and happy and have never had any issues with cheating (as far as I know, obviously). I can also say the same for almost all my friends.

I will also go as far as to say I don't believe I have ever been cheated on - definitely not by DH, but also not by my significant exes. One of them was a particularly horrible bastard, but I'm still sure he didn't cheat - he was way too busy stalking me constantly

isthismylifenow I suppose a lot of them volunteer the information because they think they need to feel better about themselves. (I really don't care and think it would be MORE respectful to their wives if they kept that to themselves.) Some of them may even be lying. I ignore it.

LaConnerie I do think there have been a variety of studies - of human and other mammal species - that indicate that males really do have a strong physiological response to novelty. In some species, it is impossible to breed a male to the same female twice. In humans I think we have also evolved a serial monogamy pattern that takes into account the relative helplessness of human infants and, therefor, the increased need for support from two parents. So, we seem to be faithful for a few years or have developed a cultural practice of marriage for life in which discreet straying still occurs. Women do this, too. In fact, in medical practice it is so common to find evidence of "cuckholdry" that doctors have to be very careful and tactful when tests are done for blood or organ transplants.

Also, LaConnerie - I personally doubt that you have a "nicer" circle of friends and family. People are people - flawed, selfish, but generally trying their best. Statistically, your acquaintances are just as likely to be at it as anybody else. I mean, if your husband came to see me it is very unlikely that you'd ever find out.

Lots of chancers many of times but I have a look men like apparently. I'm mixed race and look exotic .

Two jokey propositions in last month in real life and one bizarre incident over Xbox live.

No excuse for affairs but the whole not getting enough sex thing. I have had a few women friends discuss quite intimate details of their sex lives with their husbands/BF and some do seem to hardly ever have sex. I wouldn't stray if I was only having sex once a month but it ain't much is it.

The whole nicer people thing.

My sister is a mistress to a married man, a real kept woman. Keeps her in designer clothes,, £150 haircuts and flys her round the world. He works in finance and hides his actual income from his wife. She has been seeing him for 9 years. His wife is under the impression all is well.

So Piemernator from what you say your sister and this man are clearly not 'nice' people. I don't get the point you're making?

And Massive absolutely, if my DH was the kind of man who would cheat on his wife with a prostitute, I'm sure he'd also be the kind of man who could lie and cover it up quite well! Being in the position you are, you obviously see men who cheat all the time, which probably doesn't give you any more a balanced view than I have, albeit from the opposite direction... I'm not saying most men don't get the urge - or most women. Just that people who value their partners & children enough don't act on those urges.

Very simple- he's a shit. There are honestly plenty of men with morals- and this is from someone who's 1st husband had none. My dh now values the the things he has but moreover, he's just a decent guy who wants to enjoy his life in peace and would walk away before looking elsewhere- just so he would always know he did the right thing. You have to spend years (or a long time) picking up all the clues and looking at their past behaviour to be 100% sure you've found someone decent.

The thing is LaConnerie - the men who come to see me are utterly indistinguishable from those who wouldn't. They don't have any "tells" in the sense of being more likely to cheat on taxes or tip their waiters or eat Marmite on toast. They are ordinary men and you really cannot tell.

An old school friend of mine is happily married - at least on Facebook, but has had so many affairs I've lost count. She works in investment banking.

I'm sure you're right massive. I don't expect men who pay for sex to have two heads. I do think there are men who cheat and men who just wouldn't.

depends on how old you are I think on this thread.

If that was aimed at me this - I am old enough thank you. And I've been with DH getting on for 20 years. And before that I had my fair share of boyfriends - one or two of them decidedly shit ones.

You talk as if some women don't believe there are unfaithful men in the world - of coure I know there are. It just seems equally nuts to me that anyone could really believe that all men are unfaithful. Your 'stats' don't even paint that bleak a picture!

It's sad really.

I'm another who does not expect DH to be 100% faithful even though all appearances to the contrary would suggest he is. We both work from home so are together all the time. When we are apart we are on wats app together almost the whole time. I am his wats app profile picture. Every bit of correspondence I've seen with other women on his (unlocked) phone has been about the DC and I etc...but still given the right combination of circumstances I would never be 100% sure that he wouldn't.

I think the thing for me is that I don't feel under-confident in myself. I have not had trouble forming relationships in my life, and I feel that if he did choose to fuck up everything we had, then I would survive. I also see sex for what it is - mostly a desire thing that is temporary and over quite quickly. Now if he had an emotional affair, that would be different, and that is what would be very hard to stomach. But again I know the personality that he is and if he did choose to do that I would leave him completely aware that it was not personal and he would do the same to the next person and the next...

LaConnerie "Does a Barbara Windsor ..."

I am the type people confide in and in my experience there are many, many people having affairs and many, many spouses and friends, who have no idea. I also know as many women as men, who have been unfaithful.

Humans like to feel sexually validated. I know whom, out of my male friends, mostly husbands of good friends of mine, share a spark with me. However, as I don't want casual sex, as i could lose all I have now, when it comes to husbands I am very much in the better the devil you know camp. and DH is incredibly easy to live with.

Those who think their social group is naice, so therefore whouldn't fuck anyone else, are either repressed or naive dellusional.

Given the stats on how many people cheat, both men and women, perhaps we should accept that monogamy doesn't work for everyone. How many posters would consider an open relationship though? DH and I have gone" non-monogamous", we both have relationships outside the marriage. a lot of the people I've met who have done the same are younger (we are 40s) and have a less traditional outlook on life than marriage and 2 kids. To people who don't know us we are a boringly average professional couple with kids so you couldn't tell from looking at us either..

What I don't understand is the vitriol directed at anybody (ie me) who is in a situation where they trust their DH, and believe he has never cheated, and wouldn't in the future. Why should I spend my life waiting for the shit to hit the fan when I truly believe it never will? It seems that if other people are miserable and suspicious of their partners, they want everybody else to be feeling shit too.

I am happy in my relationship and trust my husband completely. Nobody on here knows me, or him. Nobody, therefore has the right to call me naive or delusional - anymore than I have to call them bitter and twisted...