I now really dont believe that the majority of men are faithful

[isthismylifenow]

I know I am generalizing now, but once again I have had an "offer" from a married man.

I have posted frequently here, so maybe you remember me, but if not, separated for 6 months from a 20 year marriage.

I have been propositioned on a few occasions now, but this last one just takes the cake.

How offended on a scale of 1-10 would you be by this message..?

"If I were there right now, I would wine and dine you to your hearts content, then with your permission, would take you home and perform wild and wonderful sex bringing out the worst in you"

I reply in a joking manner (in your dreams...) as this is a friend I have know for some time, there has been banter in the past between us, but nothing more than a joke here and there.

His reply to that:

"I need something casual and safe, what do you say, are you keen to take it further"

WTAF! So I didn't even reply and now I am getting the "oh so ignoring me now messages"

I am upset. I don't think I am wrong in feeling upset. This has happened quite a few times now, in every case the man is 'happily' married.....well that is how it would appear when I was married and we were all mates. Now I am single, it seems like men think they have the right to treat me like a piece of meat, or 'ah its been 6 months, she must be gagging for it, so I will give her one'... its degrading and its making me start to dislike men. I am no man hater btw, but what gives them the fucking right to think that this is okay on any level.

I don't know if it matters any (it shouldn't, but maybe I have portrayed the wrong message) that since my separation I started going to gym (this was for me, somewhere to work out frustrations and clear my head, which is does and I enjoy going), and I think I probably look better than I have in quite some time.... I am eating better so my skin looks clearer, all things that have just given me a tiny bit of confidence, of which I had NONE at all before.

Now today I ate a big bag of crisps and don't even want to go to gym tonight, as I feel today I just want to put back on the weight.. but fuck them, why should I.. I am not boasting about losing weight, so please don't read it that way.....for once I tried to do something for me, and now I am being taken advantage of AGAIN, but in a different way now...

I don't go out of my way to flirt, as I said I had a bit of a banter with some friends for years, but nothing heavy. I didn't message him first, he messaged me about work stuff (I do work in a very male orientated industry) and then bam!

I am not over-thinking this am I???

as a good looking guy he still has women making passes at him but he laughs at them openly and puts them straight in a humorous way.

This doesn't ring true, and that's part of the naivety. Obviously, I am not saying the your DH cheats - it sounds as though he wouldn't - but while he might laugh at women who come up to him in bars, he won't be laughing at the pretty looking marketing adviser. They'll work late, joke, together, form a bond...

I'll say again, I don't know or even think this is your DH. I think that women often don't realise how tad fairs develop and that's why they're shocked when their DP is in one.

When I worked in banking, I had numerous married men try it on with me. The whole culture was pretty shocking - every work night out would end with a different colleague hooking up with a young woman in a bar.

They'd also go back to someone's house and watch porn together - how weird is that?

I really do think many men use marriage to get women to spawn their children and do all the drudgery while they have their 'other work life'. I see it a lot around me. This can be avoided though by having your own life and career.

You're supposed to be eternally grateful that they've got down on one knee with a bit of bling you could easily buy yourself...and then expect you to choose their pants and socks while they are busy planning their next extra shag. No ta.

Any want to come round and watch some porn?

I can spot them a mile off these days Curly and Hillbilly,

Yes, I think that I am going to have to get my radar up and ready, perhaps I have been too naïve, unfortunately friendliness is taken the complete wrong way it appears.

Just an small update.... As I didn't respond the messages, I got more messages asking why I am ignoring, did I think about offer? etc etc.. I didn't respond to any of these either. The second last one was 'did I know that I am selling myself as 'available' as that is what it says on my whatsapp profile' , and then the final message was that I am a tease!

So, yes I will live and learn, and it would appear that his true character is really coming out now.......

Its still upsetting though, although I know he is a complete twat!

If you are wondering why I haven't responded with a plain old fuck off, it is a little bit of an awkward situation, as I do still have to work with this guy. I was really just wanting to let things lie and then think of something polite, yet to the point that there is no bloody way anything is going to happen. I couldn't think of the right thing to say and when he kept messaging it made my blood boil, and was close of the fuck off message. But as I said, its just going to make thing more uncomfortable for me when I have to speak to him again. I chatted with a friend about it, her words are, isthis, you are just too bloody nice.

Sigh...what is sad is that I have to change the type of person I am to avoid situations like this.

yes you are being too nice OP
I would 'accidently' send txt to his wife....' thankyou for the kind offer for me to become your mistress , but i am too busy dating available men '

I was married and on face of it happily so when I had an affair, he was also cliched ..succesful, professional , top of profession etc and also apparently happily married . We stopped the affair and sometime later met again having separated from spouses and have been together now for 6 yrs . Interestingly a few people do now how we first had an affair and they ( the men ) have come on to me...it seems if i had an affair once then i must be game on again...errr...NO.

All the people on here saying their happy marriages make them affair proof....well it depends if your other half believes the marriage is happy too...

well it depends if your other half believes the marriage is happy too...

There is that. And there's also the mindset that fidelity isn't essential to a happy marriage. It usually goes with a requirement for 'discretion', otherwise known as deceit.

This is what freaks me out a bit. You get one or both partners behaving as if they're sexually exclusive, therefore not mentioning a really important part of their lives - and going out of their way to avoid questions which might lead to honesty. So this means a very high proportion, probably the majority of long-term relationships are actually built on lies.

I have never been hit on by a married man, that I know of anyway.

However, the amount of my husbands friends who have tried it on at some point or other astounds me.

In a recent survey 68% of men who visit prostitutes admitted that they are already having either married or cohabiting sex. Over 55% of men admitted to having an affair. Plenty more were to ashamed to admit it. Plenty more would if they had the opportunity. It's just the way men are.

68% of men who visit prostitutes... gives us no indication of what % of men DO visit prostitutes.

I can't say I'm absolutely sure DH would never have sex with someone else, but what I do know, is that he would never lie about it.
He's so honest it's painful.

I think that a lot of men would cheat if they could guarantee that they wouldn't be found out. In fact, most, think 95%.

what a despressing view to have

Havent rtft but in my experience I've been involved with 6 guys in my life and 4 have cheated.

Says it all for me.

what a despressing view to have
And probably accurate.

"68% of men who visit prostitutes... gives us no indication of what % of men DO visit prostitutes."

I thought I'd read about 10% Trills, but I'll Google to see if I come up with anything else.

Here we go Trills. Be grateful you don't live in Cambodia:

prostitution.procon.org/view.resource.php?resourceID=004119

Thanks - I am not sure I particularly wanted to know - I was just commenting that stating what % of men who do use prostitutes are married was pretty irrelevant to the question of what % of men in relationships cheat.

There's a brothel near where I live. Its very busy. I don't believe only 8.8% of UK men have paid for sex. I think they just won't tell.

I believe that statistics show that around 45-50% of married men cheat and around 35-40% of women.

So there is a gender difference but not much of one.

It also shows that it's easy to see how some posters have lots of experience of cheaters (they make up nearly 50% of the population!) while other posters believe that most people they know are not cheaters.

You could easily be in a situation where most people you know DO cheat or most people you know DON'T cheat when it's a 50/50 split.

It probably depends on who you hang around too....environments where being moral and honest is seen less as something to be proud of (investment banking anyone? Sales guys, etc) are more likely to have a high percentage of cheaters and other groups less so...

I think (just my opinion ) that more men would have a one night stand than visit a prostitute. The one night stands can just happen easier I think, whilst out drinking, away for jolly weekends with mates and excessive alcohol being consumed. Prostitutes, well they have to be booked and paid for... so planned, essentially.

You can't lay all the blame on the men. All those married men are finding equal numbers of women (married and otherwise) to cheat with.

I'm not sure about the equal numbers of women cheating with married men. I have known several women who have had more than one affair with married men. They seem to prefer them to single men. So it could be there are fewer women than men.

So what percentage of the male population do you think have paid for sex then tess?

When I was 17-18 I worked in a largely male dominated industry. Because I was young and impressionable I let so many sleaze bags talk to me like a was a piece of meat. I was too young and clueless to be offended by it at the time but to think about it now makes me seethe. There was one bloke who I had a soft spot for but in a "fatherly" way as he was always a laugh and one of the few who had never propositioned me. I fear this makes me sound conceited and egotistical but I'm really not, it's just how it was. His wife, who I also had a great relationship with worked in the same shop as me but in a different department, she was literally the only other female. Anyway, one day out of the blue this guy basically asked me to have an affair. Obviously I said no but it made me so sad as you think you can see the sleaze balls coming and when a person you respect and clearly misread disappoints you like that it destroys your faith a bit.
My point to this ridiculously long story is that if it had been a regular sleaze you wouldn't have been bothered and taken it with a pinch of salt but because it was someone you thought had more about them your disappointed, I don't blame you. I hope all men aren't dirtbags as I have 2 daughters that I want to see in happy relationships one day. I think there are definitely good ones out there, it's just a case of avoiding the bad ones. Good luck xx