What do you make of this?

[duro1]

Through a family member met a man who is funny, full of life, smart, good looking (to me anyway). I've been on my own a long time and rarely get attracted to a man

So, we went on a couple of dates and on one of these dates he said that he was doing cocaine last night. I was bit shocked. He is 40 BTW. He is recently divorced and she wouldn't let him do it. He admitted he had been binging on it since break up as she wasn't there to say no and he was lost without his family. Anyway, I have done this in my much younger years and said so. Certainly not something I do now, or anything like this, with two very young children (not that their age makes a difference really).

So he has been lovely, kind, everything my last relationship wasn't. On Weds night he asked me out for a meal. He then said via text if he should get some coke in. I said not for me thanks. Then he said he was joking. He said another time and I just ignored it. Anyway, we went out to a stunning restaurant, had an amazing meal and he was pretty much the perfect gent. He was driving us home when he started saying 'shall we do a line'. I was a bit pissed and so sad that the night was now going like this. I said I'm not. He actually got it out his wallet and asked if I had a note. I handed one to him. He was saying are you going to, I said no. He said I won't if you won't. I said you do what you want.

Anyway he put it away and went back to his. Later that evening we were laying in bed together and I had to tell him that I was going to a birthday do for an hour for family member and that my ex would be there. He was so stressed by it and said I've got to have a line. I lay in bed so disgusted as I could hear him doing it. Yuk. He then went to the bathroom and came back in and said he flushed the rest away. I just went to sleep.

In morning I asked why he did it and he said cause of shock of what I told him. He said he had to throw rest away or would be up all night doing it

To me this is a major problem. To me it feels like he has a coke problem. Of course he insists he doesn't and can 'take it or leave it'. I am just so so so massively dissapointed and down that a man who seems so great and I have huge chemistry with would behave like this.

LTB I guess

My ex has a coke problem. I used to do it with him sometimes. I'd have a bit, but he'd keep on going. He'd cut lines - one for me, one for him. My line stayed there for hours and he'd rack up more for himself, constantly "reminding" me about my line.

I eventually realised that I was accidentally highlighting his coke addiction and it was making him uncomfortable.

One night he left at 4am to pick up another gram just to have a "final line before bed". We hadn't seen each other in six months and he decided he'd rather hang about outside and get into a drug dealer's car than snuggle up with me on the sofa. He also borrowed money off me because he'd spent all his. He spent the money he was going to use to take us out to dinner, "for a special meal", on cocaine and then borrowed more. He looked so ill and strung out that I felt I had no choice. I had bad self-esteem at the time that I've since worked on.

And he pressured me into saying that I didn't judge him, getting visibly edgy and paranoid as he protested that it doesn't interfere with his job and he's "cut down a lot lately".

Don't get involved, it is so not worth it. He will never love you like he loves cocaine. This man is in denial like my ex. Unfortunately he has nearly 20 years on my ex, so I think he will have a harder time quitting.

My ex always pushed boundaries and was deceptive because he was running from his coke and alcohol addictions. I recommend Codependents Anonymous if you typically go for addicts. It helped me to look at my own boundaries and my role in the dynamic.

The lies were about saying a woman on his FB was a friend of his son's and was 19, she clearly wasn't. He has since deleted her

I have never been involved with anyone with drug alchohol issues before.... always anger issues though...oh, maybe thats me causing that ooops

Anyone?
AnyFucker?!

You are clearly drawn to him.

If it was me I wouldn't risk being with him, just from the things you said a few weeks about him, for example, getting into trouble with the police. And other things.

That and the fact he's withdrawing from coke. A big risk. Why would you put yourself through it?

Sounds like my xdh, you are nuts to even contemplate staying with him, sorry to be so frank

Still resisting, but still struggling with it :(

If you're struggling, remember how you felt throughout this:

"He was so stressed by it and said I've got to have a line. I lay in bed so disgusted as I could hear him doing it. Yuk. "

That will be your entire life if you stay with this man. You will share a bed with someone who disgusts you and who is ruled by drugs. Have some self-respect and find someone better.

oh OP I'm begging you to have no more to do with him. When my daughter was small I also had the year from hell, and a charismatic, understanding guy with whom I shared "chemistry" rocked up like a white knight. It was like a dream. I thought he was wonderful. One little hitch, he occasionally enjoyed a line of coke. I overlooked it, thought it wasnt a problem. Within eighteen months he and his drug problem had infiltrated my life to the point that i had a breakdown and had to move in with my parents. He stole from me, ran up debts in my name, exposed my daughter to sights and dangers I still feel immense guilt about and finally turned violent and nearly took my life. Do not underestimate how bad a drug problem can get, please get out!

Wow double that's scary :( He hasn't done it for over 3 weeks now and says he knew was out of control and doesn't want to go back to it. It is so hard as I really miss him so much and feel like I want to give him one more chance. I have a feeling he has already moved on though despite saying he loved me :(

He 'says' he hasn't done it for 3 weeks.
I don't k ow him but I certainly don't believe him.
Please don't let him in To your life. He's a loser, a dangerous loser. You can do better

Duro - I don't know if it's the same with drugs, but some alcoholics can abstain for weeks. But then when they drink again, they can't stop, unlike you or me who can have a drink or two and then feel that's enough. So I wouldn't place too much on the fact that he hasn't done any drugs for 3 weeks. I feel so sorry for you; I cherish my wife and I know that's what you want from a man.

Do you really want a drug user, who is suicidal and who has a criminal record, around your children?

Stop thinking about what YOU want, and concentrate on what your children deserve for a step-father.

I am not looking for a step father for my children, they already have a father!!