I'm still scared of him, deep down.
I think you need to think about this, When you met him he was just another spotty goofy student, you weren't scared of him then, (inspite of various selfish acts that marked your mind up to today!) you got together, your first flat, child etc. were presumably all in the happy period. You weren't scared of him then either.
I hasard a guess, that with time, you felt you were dependant on him, as his career took off, & he became an "important" person, the breadwinner, with an active life outside the home & acquaintances in his professional field with whom he felt at ease, or better.
Meanwhile, he had control of finances, because he is "the man" & you little by little became subdued & submissive. Its a major head game.
BUT, BUT, He is still the same person you met, & you are also his EQUAL. Have you ever stood up to him & said,
"Just what the fuck is all this bullshit? I know who you are, I have known you since X, all this dominance & power games you play does not belong in the home. I am not scared, I am not impressed, you are a pompous bastard & have lost any sense of reality & base values. frankly you are loathsome as you have become, & every little power game you play makes me despise you more.
We both know this farce is over. There is nothing that can be done to repair it, (assuming you might want to) on the one occasion you were in the country you played golf & went to show off to your "friends", you made no attempt to discuss, repair or enjoy your children. (nota 3 days in 18 months (correct as appropriate)
I have applied for XYZ, you are required to pay X for the children's upkeep.
In view of the ages of the children you are required by law to pay the mortgage & or sell the house (if I agree) & the equity split 50/50.
You may have run away from the country & your responsibilities as a father & a partner, however, these children exist & as their father you are required to keep a roof over their heads, clothed, fed & watered.
I suggest you move your manipulative controlling brain into action to reply, which will require approx 3 minutes of your precious time while on your jolly who knows where, with who cares who. & tell me just when you will be in the country, & if you give a toss, to reacquaint yourself with your children, & deal with the paperwork. Failing this I will be contacting your employer to get the necessary information & outline your flagrant failings as a father. & human being in general, I expect they would be interested to discover what kind of excuse of a human being you are, including some financial facts (what was it ? an it allowance of 80p per day for food, for his growing children ?) Please know you can have the standard access, in occurence EOW, & a evening per week. If you fail to undertake this contact it will be noted by my lawyer. Any further contact will be made through him/her.
You will not have entry to my house from this point onwards. we are officially separated."