We're Stayin' Alive, it's DATING THREAD 105

[tanyadm]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

So WTF is feminine energy? Off to google it!

Vriks I'm about.. I would feel uncomfortable about the 'feminine energy' thing - I'd worry it would attract someone with totally old fashioned ideas about women

So you want me to peep at your profile?? I'm not a bloke and I'm not an expert but I can have a peek...

Yes, handy, that's precisely why I would have avoided that subject before. I want to communicate that I am a man's equal and that i'm modern and intelligent, but yet feminine

Fucking hell. swearing is not in line with feminine energy I suspect

Handy, I pm'd you my user name . any other feedback appreciated. it might be too long.

I have to agree with Handy about the feminine energy thing.

but I like masculine energy, so is it really so bad?

just putting it out there. not sure i have decided how i feel about that one.
my profile might have over-egged the feminine energy vibe!

i will take a bit of it back later. put some androgynous energy back in in its place.

I know what you mean Vriks, campness and femininity is not something I look for in a future partner so I'm as guilty as you for liking masculine energy.

As long as by feminine energy it doesn't mean vulnerability or weakness then I'm good with it. I do take care of myself but under the make up and nails I'm a bit masculine, I guess. I swear, I joke and I give out, and I have just bought a new pair of cherry DMs, I wouldn't hold back on that bit of me because its part of me and a man would have to accept that.

I like to flatter my body shape with a fitted clothes and I like colours that suit me, but I don't paint my nails or get a spray tan (or any sort of tan) or wear shoes that challenge me, I don't wear frills or patterns and I don't feel like I can't go out in runners and tracksuit bottoms. So, is that feminine enough to claim that I'm feminine?! It's all so confusing. How did just finding a bloody boyfriend turn in to rocket science.

wrt vulnerability, I would see it as being brave enough to admit some vulnerabilities. ie, it's a strength. it's not a weakness. I am strong and I'm brave enough to admit to some vulnerability.

The average man in my home town wouldn't even understand that sentence. The individual words maybe but put together, ................ God. Argh. Am I mad even trying?

Vrik I wouldn't put anything about feminity or feminine energy tbh. I reckon it will attract the ones who imagine that as you being constantly in stockings and heels, because 'they're just red blooded males' uurgh.
There seems to be a plethora of these types in their early 50s plying their wares at anything over the age of consent.

Well I joined Tinder on Friday and am only getting round now to reading/joining in the dating thread so will be looking for lots of advice.

I've been single for aaaages (we are talking years and years) and I've been really nervous about dating. But Fri evening I decided to bite the bullet. I really just chucked up any old profile (with about 8 words in it) and a few old FB pics (not trying to look younger than I am - tried to make sure I looked OK but not unlike me, IYSWIM). Was hoping for a match or two - more to boost the ego than anything?

Got a good few matches (but I'm not hugely fussy - I've fancied such varied people looks wise in the past that I did a lot of right swiping).

Talking to about 4 or 5 over the weekend (just one or two messages each) - but one put a bit of effort in and we had a coffee date on Sunday morning and we are going to dinner on Friday! I'm really surprised - I'm not assuming this is the "one" - but is it really that easy to get a first date? Given that I haven't been on a date in 10 years? Am I missing a big issue?

(oh god just read this back, sounds like boasting on how easily I got a date, I'm really not!)

Bloody brilliant woolly! Well done. Must have taken alot of guts to go on a date after so long of being single, but sounds like you pulled it out the bag!

Was terrified, nearly turned the car around on the way to meet him! Age same as on site (so appears to be truthful), divorced, kids same age as mine. Talked for 90 mins, swapped numbers, shook hands at the end (how formal am I!). Regular text contact since - polite, funny, interesting.
Oh, and French - but lives just 3km from me - not just here on hols or for work. Accent is a big plus .
I do a lot of presentations and training etc in work, so I put my semi-professional head on and treated it like a client meeting, which seemed to do the trick!
Any news on guy with baby? has he come clean? I have to say when DD was little and I was out on the town, I had complete mentionitis - anyone I talked to knew all about here before they even got my name.

*her not here

Ooooo la la!! Love a French accent, exchanged a couple of messages the other night with a French guy and then he sent me a selfie of his chest it wasn't pretty kind of put me off. But yours sounds lovely and local! Always a bonus!
Not yet....but his WhatsApp photo is of him and his baby, so I don't think he's being secretive, just that it hasn't cropped up in conversation yet. I haven't asked because I assumed he was childless because of age. We exchanged numbers today. He said he's whatsapping me tonight so I can ask then - as the photo will be staring me in the face. Will update. Gut feeling is that he is extremely hot worth extending the benefit of the doubt to.

Good luck prizey

Very bloody well done woolly

So Twix just called me for a chat and invited me to his gig weekend after next. With real live people and friends and stuff..

He's doing my head in with seeming blase and lukewarmness... But I will be happy to go along to a Real Life Thing with him and feel like I'm in a proper relationship! Even if it's just for one day!!

Haha!! (Sort of) I hope it helps things..

Well leaving him hanging for a bit seems to have turned planeman into a definite he's seriously upped his texting regularly joking fun texts about work and stuff. We've arranged to meet Saturday that was the earliest we could both do and he's already talking about date 2! We've spoken twice on the phone just random it's lunch are you around type calls not planned and that's been ok.

Tinder has been a strange one lots of matches but no real chats despite me sending messages to all of them. Some message for a bit then just stop one guy is chatting but feels more like a penpal we've got kids same age and have talked about them. Oh well I've run out of offers on tinder so I've got the best it has to offer ...not much.

prizey that sounds more promising - the baby is hardly secret if it's on his what's app profile

I have 2 dates! Both coffee and during the day. One with the guy who lives miles away - Pizza Guy I shall call him because he seems to eat pizza a lot. And one with a guy who's 11 years older than me, and may be a bit 'straight' if that makes sense? I'm not super keen, but I think I'm still hung up on IndieBoy . Ach, they might make me forget him!

Vriks Yes, I'm here! Just barely though. Will check in properly later but I'd avoid any mention of feminine energy, tbh.

I think my profile (still can't get back on PoF) said I was a feminist as that's important to me. Also that I run and do BMF. And I think I come across as a bit ballsy. But then I also mention that I knit and in my main profile pic I'm wearing a nice frock with hair, nails and makeup done (was at a wedding).

But that's all me. It's up to whoever reads that to decide if I am feminine enough for them or not...

Oh dear I may have been too optimistic. FrenchChef said he was free tonight (+ I'm feeling incredibly nervous about Friday) so I suggested a quiet drink in advance of Fri to take the pressure off - which he said yes to but then suggested wine afterwards in mine. Not happening! (I'm soooo not ready to dtd yet). Told him I've an early start so pub only. Hmm.

Yeh, I feel like I want to be me. If people hate me, then really, what is the point.

What's BMF?

Hello

Been OLD a few weeks.

Anyone else finding it decidedly depressing? I got blocked today by someone after I mentioned my child. It says I have a child on my profile! Do they ever read it? I've had men just after sex, which I've stated I don't want. Loads of messages off weirdos who have foot fetishes and want to be a slave / dominant.

I've sent a load of messages and hardly got any replies. I sent a 'funny' to a few, and got a 'haha' back...and then nothing

Just now I told someone I'd been chatting to tonight that I had a child. He said he was okay with it and then when I carried on the conversation. ..nothing.

I feel like giving up. It's depressing me. Any advice? Maybe I am not ready for the world of OLD.

Guess we all approach OLD differently, it was getting me down when I focused on one guy. I realised that I'm now finding it fun. I don't message guys first (I know so old fashioned) I don't reply to "hi" messages as there just fishing. I only reply to messages that show at least a small amount of effort to have read my profile. Might take longer to find someone, but I think I'm screening out people that I wouldn't want anyway :)

Well the guy didn't just ghost me, he's still interested in meeting up

And this morning I had someone swipe me, he seems like a potential judging from his profile (can you ever really tell?) And we've already swapped messages. He has children too so that side of things won't be a problem for him. He's cute too!

So I'm feeling a bit more positive today. Last night I was ready to delete my dating apps! Roller coaster...

SpottyMcSpotty, that is so horrible, blocking somebody because they have a child :o No ''nice chatting to you, but I'm looking for people without responsibilities" or even, just ignoring, but BLOCKING!!! It's so extreme!

I'm in two minds about going 'live' on line again too. I have felt happier in myself the last few months. But the prospect of remaining single for ever is horrifying. I am content but aware that I have unmet needs going on, and I have to TRY. If I don't try, it won't happen. But trying is a depressing process.