We're Stayin' Alive, it's DATING THREAD 105

[tanyadm]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Yeah we did, Dolly - has he met your dd's?

I'll join you in a but also intend to get on firmer ground with him. He mentioned me meeting the kids and ex today though so it's anyone's guess!! Cheers

Just come back from dissapointing date He wore a footie shirt and trainers!! Right, this has taught me a lesson, I do need to chat more extensively before meeting, including facetime!!

Ew, footie shirt and trainers - not obvious from profile pics then I suppose? Ouch. Hope it was a short date...

Eeeee footy shirt on a date just no that's bad. Hope it was a very quick date out are we to assume you won't be seeing him again?

Was not a short date, he offered to take me for a meal to a really nice restaurant. By 11 I said I'm so tired, need to go. No, on his pics he's in shirt and tie! Reminder to self, don't go for meal on first date, coffee in lunch break is good!!
On another note, Army guy despite my reservations of him being too controlled, asked for another date, so will give him benefit of the doubt and see what I think.

outnumbered how much did you chat before? Too much chatting is also a bad idea from what these ladies say. I think not counting it as a date even is a good plan.

So I finally got a reply from my work guy. 4 days? Too long? What does that mean?

Too poorly to see CM today 😥

Only for a week chatting, I like to meet early so I can judge body language etc... 'Nice restaurant' should have been in inverted commas as it wasn't very nice, he said it was, so I dressed up!
You're right ashmts I think the lesson to be learnt is to meet early but for a short meet i.e. Lunch break, coffee.
Get better soon Tanya

Hello - can I join you all? I've ended up finally paying to go on OLD after registering to a couple to see if anyone would be interested in me. In the past year I've had zero dates, and texted with 'Mr Mysogenistic & Racist' (thank you Jeremy Clarkson for uncovering that one!), Mr 'won't sent a pic then research shows he's not 59 and 10 years older but 69', Mr 'I can have a laugh at you but you make a slight jokey comment about me and I'll block you' and now I've just had'Mr 'I'll say we'll meet up but keep finding excuses not to but insists he is single'. I love semi rurally so I'm beginning to think that I'd be the one with another 11 cats to join the one I have! My friends who haven't tried OLD seem to think it's more akin to browsing the Argos catalogue........how wrong they are! I'vehad my profile checked over and I'm not that fussy about what is and isn't important, but there's very few people who live anywhere near me so I'm getting a bit jaded with it all. The rules that you have though have helped my perspective - thank you!

Hi ladies.
Hope you're better soon tanya.

Great sleepover Friday. Did the deed and it was great. Really fancy him.
Bit angsty now about how much he likes me. Like being a teenager again.
He's still texting anyway. So hopefully see him again soon.

Aaaagggh! My head is about to explode please someone help me. So MrGif....gorgeous, stunning, lovely chats, really funny, real banter, real rapport, talking until the early hours....blah blah. Not met yet. He said he couldn't meet the weekend because he was having to go up north for work this weekend. Fair enough. So I've been social network stalking ...his instagram shows he was in this location last week, ok...I think maybe he needs to go there two weeks in a row. Except his Bumble location is showing somewhere not 300 miles away, but 48 miles away and has done all weekend. Ok...I think maybe he turned off his location settings and its messed it up or something. . So I casually check out his FB page only to discover he has a (looks like )3 month old baby no indication of a partner/wife. First picture is this one of the baby at around 3 months and all his friends are congratulating him (put up this week). He has never mentioned this in any of our chats, to be fair it never popped up as we usually chatting about silly things or the odd serious topic but not about kids and I just assumed that he wouldn't have any because of his age (10 years younger). So, now I'm thinking this weekend he spent with the baby (48 miles away), he thought he couldn't tell me over text and wanted to tell me in person when we meet. I have no problems with him having a child, in fact if its all kosher and the baby is a ONS 'blessing' or whatever then great because I was thinking there'd be no chance of proper relationship due to age gap and him maybe wanting kids of his own so this is all good with me. Its him not being straight about things that I can't get my head around. Or maybe he just wanted to tell me in person....someone unscramble this for me. I need

prizey not sure how to embed links but please read this - www.amyyoungcoaching.com/when-finding-love-feels-like-a-struggle-ugh-heres-what-youre-doing-wrong/

Hmm so after a few days chatting on POF I try to set up a date with a bloke. Suggest next weekend and PM suits me better for coffee and a chat.

He comes back and says how about Saturday evening and drinks in a pub. I say afternoon would be better (as I've previously stated) and say that I don't do evening meetings in pubs on first dates. He wants to know why?!!!

Why?!! Because I'm not going to let you try and ply me with alcohol and shag me - that's why. Grrr!

Rant over.

ash thank you so much for this. As I read it I honestly felt a wave of calm come over me. or maybe that was the gin. I am giving way to many fucks....way too many. he was soooooooo hot though Thank you. Now off to chat with my new hot match on Bumble! Thanks ash, that was so helpful I cannot tell you 😉

Well prizey if he doesn't come clean about the baby when you meet up then Houston, we have a problem. But maybe he prefers to explain the 3 month old baby face-to-face? Giving him the benefit of the doubt, there.... But if he's not being truthful about why he's not around then that's a bit pants.

I hear you handy, and have that sinking feeling that this is not looking good. Will give him some opportunity to come clean and if not....I'm outta there.

No problem prizey! I've read it a few times myself this last week. He is just a person, you don't know him, let it go, is such a great little thing to remind ourselves and stop the crazy.

Morning everyone! I've got a WwyD here - I've been what's app ing an iron. It has turned into a penpal situation . It has transpired works down south all week, and every other weekend he's in Ireland for contact with his kids ( so it means he's only in my area every other weekend). I feel he really should have told me this early on! He's also pretty vituperous about his ex, which I'm uncomfortable with., and tbh it has put me right off him.
Do I tell him this isn't going to work, ghost, gradually back off? Bear in mind, I'm a coward!

IndieBoy hasn't spoken to me all weekend after my Well Done text, and another iron I've arranged to meet has just admitted he lives 50 miles away not 20 like it said on his profile.

WTF is WRONG with guys??? Feeling pretty despondent at the minute.

Prizey that sounds odd - why wouldn't he have mentioned that early on? If only because surely you'd be proud of having a wee baby? And that you'd find out sooner or later ?? Aargh.

Prizey, I'd wait til you meet him and then see how honest he is in person.

lostlou I see your fear there, but to me that wouldn't be a black mark against a man because I just know I'd never shag anybody after one date, and tbh it's easier to get away in the evening, get a babysitter, say seeya to the kids. Going out in the DAY causes many more questions and requires much more explanation I find. I end up making up loads of lies.

I do see that he ignored what you said suited you best though! That's a bit 'deaf'.

I am tweaking my profile still............ in preparation for launching myself back again. I need one of my body. Apparently. According to a couple of males on here (mumsnet) that's a big mistake. You have to have a body shot to prove you're not covered in scabby scales or something......... anyway. I would like to get my dd to take one of me doing warrior 3! lol.

I'll have to ask her. She'll be suspicious though.

Vriks yes I'd heard the same re body shots, I've included one on mine. My late ex-partner told me on our first date (we met on Tinder) he didn't know what to expect because I didn't have a full length shot. Apparently its a red-flag if its just head shots. Warrior sounds like a fabulous pose for your profile, great idea! Re MrGif, I think I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt until we meet up, I think its understandable if he wanted to broach the subject then, being a single new dad to a 3 month baby is quite a big deal and maybe there is a long back story re the mum or something....we'll see.

LostLou I wouldn't be upset by that either, Saturday night drinks are fine for a first date, we are adults and you can make sure you don't have too much to drink. Maybe he has work commitments etc. How about something like bowling so the emphasis isn't too much on the 'drinks'.

Sky I'm feeling your pain, 50 mile away man...why would you do that?? Indieboy - I think he's blown it hasn't he, and probably knows it. Penpal guy....why do they want to find a girlfriend when they have no time for one? I'd tell him. I had the same, called me his girlfriend after 1 date, and yet couldn't commit to a weekend date because he was always seeing his kids and wouldn't sacrifice a minute with them (he saw them in the week too)

Anybody on POF?
I like my profile now, the only thing it's missing is my humour. I think I'm funny, but then, men don't see that as a strength.
Handy, Freaky, you about ?

a minute without them not with them

Don't men see humour as a strength?? Should I try not to be funny?

ps, listening to the dating gurus, they all go on about feminine energy, so given that i do genuinely feel like a feminine woman, I've mentioned that.
Feels a bit counter intuitive. I'm a feminist but I don't see being feminine as being ant-feminist, but it's a subject I'd have avoided mentioning in the past. however, so many of the gurus go on about feminine energy.