We're Stayin' Alive, it's DATING THREAD 105

[tanyadm]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

That was supposed to be a shocked face.

Cactus - I was like "how DARE he! Only I block people!!"

I think the amount of unwanted attention from totally the wrong type of guy is depressing. Its depressing when you message someone you think looks promising, and they don't reply.

But then when someone comes along who you like, and who keeps messaging (even after saying you have a child) its a real buzz. I have two at the moment, one I am meeting tonight, and one I am meeting on wednesday. What a difference a day makes!!

I dont' think I've ever been blocked but I'd be shocked!

Glad things are picking up for you though.

I had the same a while back. I am 45 and I was messaging averagely attractive men 45-51 with GOOD profiles and getting no response! Seriously in rl, if I could persuade them to go on a date, I would be going to see if they grew on me, if an attraction GREW. These weren't men who would be inundated with messages. I think men on line become very entitled. I wish I could meet more men in real life.

I am OK single (I've been single for so long, I have to be) but at this point, I'm strong in myself etc.. I love myself, there's no t to cross or i to dot.

I've two kids! I was dumped for having kids though. He'd met them. Then pretty much as soon as he met them, he told me it was over! So, I look back on that whole thing as a mistake.

What is the right type of guy!? I don't know.

ps, what does it mean when somebody adds you to their favourites?

Does it mean, hmmm maybe, if my current supply runs dry, I'll think about messaging her.

I think if they really liked you, they'd message you right away..

I add people to favourites to see if there is any reciprocal adding....then I feel more confident about messaging.

Have had cause to finish with and block CM. Very long story, but I'm back on the prowl....

tanya - sorry to hear about CM. How are you feeling about it?

One of the guys I am messaging is a bit like "oh my god I can't believe someone as lovely as you has agreed to go on a date with me" - is this normal?? I am finding it a bit off putting TBH. Well I dont know whether to be flattered or not? He keeps saying it. Dunno how I am supposed to respond to that?

How awful to be dumped after meeting your kids. Not even at the stage where you told him you had kids, but actually after meeting them. God, what a dick. You had a lucky escape!

I'm fine, actually, all the red flags combined in my head, and a chat with my friend helped me untangle all my thoughts, and it was the right thing to do. The last straw was inviting his most recent ex to his birthday party on Saturday night - who he had a very weird set up with, and it didn't end well (she finished with him for being too demanding). Not going to be used by anyone so they can parade me around like "Look at me, I have a girlfriend." There was more serious stuff too, but I can't really go into that as it's pretty personal and potentially identifying of him.

I find that level of enthusiasm a bit too much. I had a date the other week with someone like that, kept going on about how devastatingly beautiful I was and how great my teeth were, and how he loved my bag. I ghosted him, I'm ashamed to say.

Tanyadm, sorry to hear that, I gathered you'd met somebodyy the last time I checked in here. (pie 314 here).

Is it confusing, trying to be objective about 'red flags' when you're in teh middle of the picture.

Oh Tanya nooo! I'm so sorry

Tanya, without knowing the backstory, it sounds like you did the right thing. I hope you're okay though. Breaking up is always hard to do!!

...I have a sneaky feeling the guy I am meeting tonight is very, very short. He only has head shots and doesn't specify his height. I have nothing against short men per se, but I love very tall men. I showed my friend his pic, and she said he looks about 5.5 - we did have a giggle about it

Its making me doubt whether to meet him gaaaaah give me a slap

Is he from tinder, don't you have to enter something?

I met up with a guy who claimed to be 175cm which i knew wasn't tall but neither am i. Anyway, he was no more 175 than ronnie corbett.

Go anyway, I had a laugh with that short guy. We got drunk and had a good chat. He was just way too young for me. And he smelt a bit, but that was because by his OWN admission, he'd been out the night before, got home in his clothes, had a nap and then left to meet me forty minutes before we'd arranged to meet up. I was sitting there pristine steam cleaned smelling of lemons having told the truth about my age and my height.

ARGH

hahaha cactus thats hilarous

its tinder, he didn't have to specify

oh right. I wouldn't mind a short man. If he was healthy and fit and nice. It's the old guys that make me shudder. Give me a short man my own age rather than a tall man a decade+ older than I am.

I am really in correspondence with a dating coach right now. She has sent me a questionnaire. It's quite reasonable (the fee I mean).. I presume she'll work a little bit with my head/attitudes/assumptions, maybe give me some good ideas and look over my profile. If I have three sessions with her, one initial and two follow ups, I think that would be better than joining an expensive dating site. A mumsnetter on another thread told me that she met this woman and she is a gas ticket, really positive, really brave.... I googled her and she's really beautiful so I hope she can understand that it is a braver act to approach a man when you're more ordinary looking.
I mean, does it take bravery to approach a man when you're beautiful. He's not going to roll his eyes, ignore you or tell you you're mistaking him for somebody.

See, I don't mind an older man. In fact I think I prefer it.

This guy has a look of 'the imp' from game of thrones. I've convinced myself he's about 3 ft

Ooh a dating coach. I could use one of those. Let us know how it goes and if it's worth splashing out.

Fwiw, and I'm not sure, but I reckon even attractive women must fear sending the first message. Everyone has a fear of rejection, don't they? Don't they??

Oh dear. He's not got a massive forehead has he?

He kind of has now I'm looking at him

Spotty this has cheered me up! I'm going on a date with a guy on Saturday who's 5"7, i know not too short but I'm 5"7 and Iv not decided on how I feel about it. He was open about it, part of me sighed inside but I told myself to stop been superficial.
Girl at work said 'would you rather date a tall knobhead or a short nice guy' Iv dated plenty of the first so I'm going with an open mind!

Oh spotty and minup know exactly where you're coming from. I'm 5ft 11 or 180cm and I've been on dates with guys who say they are 5 10 and aren't it's not a problem just don't lie.

But like you both I've dated tall bastards and lovely short blokes one of my best friends is an ex from when were teenagers he's 5ft 5 only split up coz it bothered him so much but still friends now 30+ years later.

planeman is claiming to be 5ft 10 so let's hope he's not lieing. He's def Kean lots of silly texts during the day and always a morning as he goes on shift (at 4:30) I've Taken to putting my phone on silent!!. Wish we'd been able to meet earlier don't like texting for this long nearly 2 weeks properly but been over a month in reality as I left him hanging when he was a bit too full on very quickly. He has since apologised for that when chatting on the phone.

Tinder proving useless as is mAtch, lots of views /matches but nothing else. if planeman is rubbish I'm gonna give up for a while

I feel really mean saying it but now I have convinced myself he's a dwarf (sorry I know how un pc that is)

I will update tonight when I escape go to he loo

Good luck later, spotty I think going in with a 'whatever' attitude is the forward. Who cares if he's short, you might have a perfectly pleasant evening!

Twix is 5'7" and I'm only an inch or so shorter.

tanya oh no re CM. Sounds like it wasn't great if you ended up blocking him? Eek.. Am guessing he was full on again?

Cactus let me know how the dating coach thing goes?! Brilliant!

My breast lump is all benign. Nothing to be done. Long chat with surgeon who was lovely.

Twix texted just as I arrived in clinic to say he was thinking of me. Then after we had a lovely, normal, relaxed chat on the phone. I feel quite proud of myself for only monentarily losing my shit during the three week gap. I reckon I'll see him Tuesday and feel great about him today plus I have a lovely weekend planned out and about with friends and family. I'm a high value mo fo. Can't wait to see him. It's all good..

Oh Handy I'm so so pleased for you. That must be such a relief.

Tanya so sorry to hear that's happened. You've always had reservations though so maybe it's for the best.

I don't really get the height thing. But then I'm 5'2 so most men are taller than me. This guy I'm lusting over now can't be much taller than me. Possibly even the same height!

Urgh. Think I'm being dumped.

Went on date #4 last night and I thought it went well. We even discussed date #5 and what we were going to do.

Heard from him wen he got home (I asked him to let me know he'd got home ok) but today nothing so I made the big brave first text. Have been getting responses but very dull and blunt ones and his last reply was just an emoji. The crying laughing one. So there isn't really much I can reply to that and I'm guessing he doesn't really want me to or he would've said something a bit more interesting.

Urghhhhh just when i was really starting to like him

Ok, after a long break, I've gone live. I even messaged a man. A spanish man.

Can I get a WOOP for Warrior

(has your dating coach seen it?)

Sorry Carrot ... meh... Step back time... See what happens