We're Stayin' Alive, it's DATING THREAD 105

[tanyadm]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

ohchristnotagain I think you just have to rely on gut instinct in these cases. If a guy asks for my number to message via Whatsapp or whatever I usually go ahead if we've message a bit on Tinder or POF. I think you can block their number on most mobiles now anyway if he starts being a bit weird. I've not had any problems so far.

The only thing I would definitely avoid is letting him friend request on Facebook (assuming you use it). Make sure your setting are protected so he can't add you as a friend automatically.

Hello all in the middle of a Twix Drought (for all the newbies I've been seeing Twix over 3 months now and have been smitten from the off). He's been working literally 18-24-36 hours days over the last 12 days. Totally bonkers. He has remained 100% consistent with texting but it's purely lighthearted (e.g. only said he's tired twice! Just commenting on the minutiae of life and stuff and asking about our days) in fact, his messages just continue to pootle on, but there is no emotional intimacy in texts like those. IYSWIM. He never says he likes or kisses me ever. Let alone in a text. Fine if you see each other. But not great for long gaps.

However he phoned me last Sunday. And returned my call yesterday and called me today. But - his calls are always in the car on the way somewhere... It's tricky for me to call him when I literally don't have a way of knowing whether he's sleeping or working or what. So I've left the calls to him. His calls are lovely, apart from when it comes to the subject of seeing each other he sounds like he feels he's letting me down and that he feels bad. What he doesn't say is I really hope I can see you soon or argh I really want to see you

He just buzzed me this morning after a 36hr stint. I might not see him Tues (again because of work). So it could end up being a three week gap. Again he just said I feel bad in the manner of 'I'm not giving you what you want' rather than i wish I could see you sooner

It was a love chat apart from that. He just makes me feel like I am being needy, like I'm the only one who wants us to see each other. IYSWIM. I'm totally ok with 3 weeks as long as we both feel the same. And can express that.

So I called him on it. By text. This morning. Very nicely. I said lots of nice stuff but said 'expressing keen ness to see me feels a lot better by a factor of 1,000 than hearing I feel bad'

So now I am feeling angsty about him taking it personally (esp as he'll be feeling exhausted). But I know I shouldn't really. It was a very Matthew Hussey type of text.

Please hold my hand, daters, while I wait for a reply (which could be tomorrow since he's sleeping then out for a family birthday later - although we do normally exchange evening and bedtime texts......)

Oh holy crap. That was lonnnnnng.....

Haha misses not kisses

Hi Handy, I'm sure there is nothing to worry about. How did you word the text?

It was quite a long text. He said this morning he might do a sketch of my garden at some point later today - In my text I said that was very sweet and gave him my email address. I said to keep in touch re Tuesday and that I love it when he calls and explained that I'm not calling him because he's keeping such weird hours. I said I totally 'get' his work situation and that I'm just looking forward to seeing him. Said 'If we can't do Tues, 3 weeks gap not necessarily so bad. expressing keenness to see me feels better to me though by a factor of approx 1,000 than hearing 'I feel bad'

Then I said I hope his dd has a great day and that it's fab he can join her for dinner.

That was my text. I think it was nice. He may take it the wrong way if he's feeling tired and squeezed in terms of commitments.

But I don't think my message itself was spiky.

Still worried though. Which says a lot... And not in a good way

Oh and he ASKED me for my email address btw

I don't get the problem with someone phoning maybe it's because I spent hours on the phone as a teenager before mobiles and texting. And I use the phone a lot in work I have fabulous fun relationships with people I've never met but speak to on a daily or weekly basis.

Which is probably a good thing as planeman has really upped his game with the texts and he phoned me before completely out of the blue. I was driving so didn't answer but text when I stopped to explain why I'd not answered he phoned straight back and we had a lovely long chat about what we'd done today and what we're doing rest of weekend. Actually now I've spoken to him I think he sounded really nice and am looking forward to meeting him.

Few other irons on tinder seem to have fallen by the wayside so might revisit those as they live nearer

That doesn't sound like anything to worry about Handy, chill. Know what you mean about the 'feel bad' comment, but remember we analyse the words we and they use far more than they do. I'm sure he meant that he is very keen to see you, of course he is! Let see what he comes back with, I'm sure its all good.

what yes I know you what you mean and some people are fine about phonecalls, I'm fine once I've had that initial meeting, but before that I always feel a bit awkward. In saying that one guy rang me out of the blue once before I met him, and we chatted for 2 hours, he was a funny guy, but not very charming and he swore every 2nd sentence, and was quite derogatory towards women, all in the name of humour, it was very off putting and I didn't meet with him.

So MrGif10yearsyounger is in a rural area for work this weekend, and texted me this morning to say that reception is crap and might not be able to text/receive texts. I thought this was really sweet (we've not met, just texting at the moment so no expectations or explanations needed on my part) I think it was really thoughtful to let me know rather than just not bother to say anything, which in my experience most others I've met would do. He also put a X at the end of his message which he never normally does. So I'm happy! #easilypleased

prize sometimes it's best to speak first then you can Judge if it's worth meeting. In this case he's definitely moved himself up in my estimation he had a good sense of humour and was interested and interesting. He's off the pub this ago and actually apologised as he was saying good bye in case he texts anything he shouldn't when he's had a few ! Which made me laugh and he's been texting on and off all afternoon so far nothing to apologise for. He finishes every text with xxx

Afternoon not ago!!!

What he sounds very keen! Excited for you!
I'm not one for the kisses after every message and don't add them myself (well not at this stage) so when there is one, its quite a pleasant surprise.
Yes you are right about the phonecalls, I like the instant chat type of messaging and can do (and have been doing) this for a couple of hours on an evening. I'm also fucking hilarious good and keeping things upbeat on text, but a bit more introverted and shy on the phone when I fancy them/getting to know them. So its good to be able to show this side of me on the chat.

Hi I think I've found a good thread for me. After 2 years recovering from the end of a long term relationship and becoming a single mum I'm starting to date again, after a drunken one night stand it gave me the kick up the ass I needed and realised I need to go out there again and a guy I met in a pub has asked me out for a couple of drinks next week also one night stand guy wants to meet so looks like I'm well and truly dating again.

handy any response?

Tired welcome to the thread! Woo hoo!! looks like you are well and truly dating!!

I have a pathetic crush on a man I know who owns a buisness near my house although we always speak flirtatiously it never really goes any where but as my self confidence is growing I feel more sure of this but know it's a risky one a I bump in to him everyday and we know a lot of the same people...

Haha! So yep he replied - he's just had 2hrs sleep and is about to go out with his daughter, some friends I think, plus his son, exW, exW's DP and his son - he didn't respond to what I said about expressing wanting to see me. But he said he had considered inviting me along to tonight's b'day meal but that it would probably be too full on for a first meet (I've not met any of his kids or anyone else in his life yet!) and him too knackered.......

WTAF??!!

So er.... WHAT??

Is this man just clueless/thick-skinned/thick/weird or a total headworker?

......discuss.....

Hmmm....Handy, he shouldn't be deciding for you whether it would be too full on for you, shouldn't he ask you what you think and let you make your mind up?
I think the 'wanting to see you' not 'feeling bad' has completely gone over his head maybe? Or do you think he's chosen to ignore you. Obviously far too late notice but if he had invited you tonight with more notice would you have felt comfortable? Do you feel put out that he's decided not to invite you?
How long has it been now that you have been together? Have you discussed ever meeting eachothers DC's?

Well reading between the lines the invite seems to have been little more than a passing thought. A nice thought but a passing one. I would not feel comfortable being an 'on the day' last minute add-on to his dd's birthday party. Not when I know he hasn't discussed with his dd (she's been out with her friends all afternoon). But I'm making a whole heap of assumptions because I don't know them. I would have thought meeting the family would have been discussed face to face before hand... I would need to be sure everyone was cool with it. We have discussed meeting each others' dc's previously, but hadn't put a time frame on it. We've been together just over 3 months.

Often I say stuff in texts and he doesn't respond. But then the next time I see him face to face he tends to raise whatever I've mentioned. And he's weirdly meticulous in the way he does that.

He's a freak. There are definitely communication issues. But I need to know if they are 'communication issues' and not 'emotionally stunted' issues IYSWIM.

Basically I need to see him. And don't know when that'll happen.

Aaaarrrrrgghh annoying....

You need to wait, to see him and to discuss face to face. In the meantime my advice to you is and , have a bath, do some yoga, stick the telly on, go on AIBU or whatever to take your mind off things

Having a Yorkie and watching The Big Bang Theory!!

Thanks Prizey

That's the way! Enjoy 😉

...and he just now sent me a very sweet message, signing off he called me his guardian soulmate (we met via GSM ) slightly tongue in cheek but meant affectionately Praps my long message reassured him that I do not have bunny boiler tendencies and that we can be upfront with each other. Tis a delicate balance with him.

We'll see...

There you go handy it's all good. Don't worry

handy think we commented on the same thread recently, and both said the L word hasn't been mentioned yet. Although I'm a couple of months further than you, I think you and I are in a similar position.

I think I've got a potentially good relationship with someone I met on POF and that he cares; he shows it when we're together - he's kind, thoughtful, supportive, considerate of DDs, affectionate - but there's no real emotion in his words. I know actions speak louder, but I would like to hear that he thinks I'm amazing/wonderful/beautiful etc.

Writing this makes me sound a little pathetic; I've been with people who have said the words but not shown it at all, so not sure why it bothers me.

But it does! I honestly don't think he'll ever say he loves me, which makes me sad because lengthy stalking glancing at his Facebook shows lots of declarations of love for his ExW, so he's obviously capable of feeling it.

I'm terrible bringing up things that bother me, thanks to my last relationship, so probably won't say anything, I'll just